A comment on British men

[zas1]

Not from me but my colleague. She is younger 30ish very pretty intelligent a bit brittle but sound enough. She is from the South of France. She complained vociferously about British men being far too reserved about their attraction to women & says she misses the attention she gets at home. Thought this was interesting as a thought. Presumably she is not talking about what we would call street harassment but something else.

That's not so much a "light touch" and more of a "here is my penis".

But I suspect an Italian man would actually say "bella, here is my penis, prego"

lol

what if you're the one doing the bending over

yeah I think maybe we aren't so subtle in this neck of the woods!

Marking place

But I suspect an Italian man would actually say "bella, here is my penis, prego"

That made me laugh. I think I might read this thread...

(The only Italian I know is bella, prego and ciao)

LOL at Ruby's last comment!

I have to admit am finding the debate fascinating. What is interesting is the woman who made these comments seems genuinely annoyed about it. She is quite attractive I think so I suppose if the S of France is as others have said she would have got lots of unsolicited attention there. A male colleague who is Anglo Irish and fairly reserved said when he was working and living in Rome as a young man he was actually quite heavily criticised by male Italian colleagues there for not approaching or vocalising attraction to women.

The other thing I've noticed about British men that I think it's so much better than men anywhere else is that you can even have a one night stand with them, and they're going to keep pursuing you and treat you with respect afterwards.

For all the sweet flirting, and calling you "bella", Italians, Turkish and South Americans are more likely to lose respect for you if you go to bed with them straight away. If fact, it seems that they only reason they say nice things is to conquer you, to get you to like them and sleep with them. After they got what they wanted, you've fallen from their grace.

It's like a perverse game going on with all the making you feel beautiful and special, and flirting, but once they got into your pants, they're most likely to ditch you after without any qualms.

I was very watchful when I lived in South America, and didn't usually believe a word a man said until I saw the facts.

I find British men and Northern European cultures much more grounded in that sense. The fact that a woman has sexual desires doesn't mean she's a whore or cheap. There's a lot more respect for women as a whole. Not perfect, but a lot better in that respect.

zas1 what was the basis for the criticism?

Was he seen as weak or weird or not properly red-blooded for not "joining in" or something?

That's really interesting that the men were egging each other on and supporting and encouraging this (what I would term street harassment in the main) and in the UK obviously it does go on and not infrequently and again there is often the feeling if the men are in a group it's more about bonding with each other than anything to do with the woman they're shouting at or whatever they're doing.

So is it to do with different cultures around actual mating behaviour (for want of a better word!) or is it to do with culturally how you treat women and not actually expecting them to respond positively or is it all male bonding or what.

Is confidence an issue? Personally, im not very obvious about who I'm attracted to unless I'm sure it's reciprocated. The thought of continuously putting myself out there and being rejected is hideous. Are males brought up differently so as to believe they could have anyone they wanted in other countries? Or are they taught to be more comfortable in their own skin and so not bothered about rejection?

Disco what he said to me was that he was told things like " You are not a man if you don't do this", I don't think it's a question of egging each other on, I just think it is a f way of policing male behaviour. He said at some points he pointed out that it was not compulsory to do this, but the other men practically said "yes it is". It is kind of a nuanced situation as when I've been to Italy or Turkey with my DS when he was much younger ( I am divorced) everyone was so so welcoming, the family friendly thing. I guess some kind of public debate is needed about this subject.

I don't think it's confidence (particularily) - it's cultural.

The OP's colleague sounds like a bit of a twat.

'Attention' is so tedious.

I agree somethingOnce, sounds pretty immature and unstable.

I'd add insecure/needy and vain/narcissistic.

No, again is say it's a cultural expectation. She expects to be honked at because that's how it is there. Most British women find all that crass.

Yes, a narc would find this all very upsetting

Yes I would say this colleague has come to expect this attention growing up around it and failed to adjust to its absence. I don't know if I'm alone in seeing hopeful signs in society of a shift to a less sexist future. The same chap I mentioned earlier for example now says he only comments on other men's appearance, and only in a positive way such as telling them they are handsome. He says he thinks women are too objectified which few would disagree with but also that he doesn't like the way men put each other down and aren't kind of supposed to comment positively on another man's appearance. Interesting I thought.

zas1 yes that's so weird.

I can't imagine that many women actively enjoy street harassment and most dislike it, not just in our culture there is loads of stuff around the world about women starting to speak up / posting online about how bad it is / making videos and stuff.

I think it's fairly likely universal that many or most women take certain types of approach as intimidating / unpleasant / scary / upsetting or simply unwanted so to hear of men policing each other's behaviour to basically say "you must do this" when it's so at odds with what females want or like.... It's just fucked up isn't it.

Although this is moving away from the Op's friend who I imagine is missing more the type of behaviour of being sort of gently leered over the whole time which is also just vile.

The point is I suppose that the men who are in cultures like this also suffer through expectations to behave in a way that surely not all of theM naturally want. I think for women, young ones in particular, the sense of being appraised the whole time is just exhausting and frankly unfair. The colleague who made the comments doesn't know how to just be, so much does she need the validation .

I'd think I'd rather be on the side of the blokes in that equation than the girls on the receiving end.

Yes it must be exhausting it's bad enough in this country let alone where it's just constant constant constant.

I would not want DD around any kind of forward behaviour. If she wants the attention, why not go where it is proffered?

I'm British, I've not dated many men because I've been married for decades, but before I married I dated a Canadian, an American, a Scot and I dated and married a Brazilian. I found all of them equally warm and would flatter me with compliments but the Canadian, American and Brazilian had more confidence than the Scot, even though he was just as attractive as the other three.
I live in Brazil, people here are more open about relationships but it doesn't have the harassment levels that I found in other Latin cultures. Both men and women will compliment you and everyone quizzes each other about their sexual preferences or are more open about sex or attraction. It's not something to hide or be embarrassed about if you like someone. Also finding someone attractive doesn't automatically mean you want to date them. The women are worse than the men too I've seen women hunt and catch men like they are on the Serengeti . They all think Brits are frigid though.