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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

XH paid 75% of our mortgage, now he thinks he's entitled to 75% of the house...

90 replies

Mumsnutter963 · 29/09/2015 21:30

He is self employed on a very low wage and I earn about 3 times more than him, so I agree it is not a 50-50 split but I don't believe it should be 75-25. He has stayed in the house and I have taken a mortgage on a new home. We have the kids half the week each. What do you think?

OP posts:

Everytimeref · 30/09/2015 08:16

Your income isnt high enough to consider paying spousal maintenance, so any claims for him to get more of assets as a form of capitalised spousal assets is a non starter.
Would you be happy to wait until youngest is 18 provided you then get a 50/50 split? If not a court would insist the property is sold now if there is enough equality to allow your stbx to get a suitable property.

Ripeningapples · 30/09/2015 08:19

Hmm. The marital home needs to be an anchor for your DC to give them some stability. Could it be kept with a different deal?

goddessofsmallthings · 30/09/2015 08:44

How old are your dc and how many remain in full-time education? Is your former marital home mortgage free?

Have you bought in an area which enables the dc to travel to school/sixth form college much as they do when they are in the family home?

Longtalljosie · 30/09/2015 09:10

But he doesn't want to move and I wouldn't force him

Stop indulging someone who would cheerfully see you living on dog food. You deserve 50:50, he is chancing his arm. Leave it to your solicitor. And be sure you'd argue he is quite capable of earning £75k pa (if that's what his old salary was)

verystressedmum · 30/09/2015 09:22

It doesn't matter what he wants what matters is what's fair and what he's proposing is not fair. The value of a pension isn't calculated on what's in the pot there's more to it if there's £50k in the pension pot for example it does not mean it's value is £50k, you need proper advice.
The starting point is 50/50 then both of your share is worked out according to need. If he needs the house because he cannot afford to house himself and for when he has the children look into getting a charge put on the house at some point so you can eventually get your fair share.
I'm by no means a financial expert in divorce cases but there's a lot more to it than he wants to give and that's what you have to take.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 30/09/2015 09:25

I have seen a solicitor, he said I should get 50%. If we sold the house, XH would have enough to buy a house as good as mine for him, his partner (she earns more than me and lives for free in our old home) and the kids half the week. But he doesn't want to move and I wouldn't force him, I would be prepared to wait until the kids were 18 and finished school.

Bite the bullet now.

verystressedmum · 30/09/2015 09:30

I didn't see that bit!! If there is enough equity at 50/50 for him to be able to house himself then get the house sold and get your 50%. It would be a totally different situation if there wasn't enough equity for him to be able to house himself, considering he doesn't have the option to mortgage.
Presumably he has a pension too?
Do not accept what he's proposing.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 30/09/2015 09:33

Follow your solicitor's advice and leave it in your solicitor's hands if you have trouble being assertive with your ex. Don't fall into the trap of being prepared to wait until the kids were 18
Honestly, the longer you let it drag on, the less likely he will sell and you will see any return on your asset. You're not forcing him to move. The marriage has broken down and you both have to rebuild your lives in a fair way. Either he can buy out your 50% or you sell the house and both get somewhere new.
For the sake of your DCs, you have to deal with this fairly, transparently and now. No-one gets to play the pity card. It's a simple legal and financial transaction.

MajesticWhine · 30/09/2015 09:34

OP, you are going to get shafted if you're not careful. Go back to the solicitor.

pootlebug · 30/09/2015 09:37

If he really wants to stay, he can buy you out for your 50% and get a mortgage paid by him and his partner, and stay.

Otherwise he should sell, since it allows you to each be housed.

I don't think this is a situation where as the higher earner you should be accepting less than 50% of the assets, as you're not earning a huge salary, and it would be very difficult to house yourself on what he suggests, whereas if you sell the house you can both buy appropriate houses. Particularly since it sounds like if he has been the higher earner for most of the marriage, he could choose to earn more again.

The kids will cope with moving. Yes it''s not ideal but they will be fine.

nauticant · 30/09/2015 09:44

He used to be the higher earner, earning 4 times my salary

I earn ?24K

Does that mean he was nearly on £100000 for a number of years? Did he build up a pension in that time? If you earn £24K how much in value could he claim of your pension? And how does this compare to the 25% of the house equity you would be giving away?

Original poster

Mumsnutter963 · 30/09/2015 10:47

Thanks for all the advice He earned 4 times my salary when I was on £10K part-time so around £40K a year. He paid off the mortgage early rather than pay into a pension, which benefitted us both at the time. So he has no pension. It's 7 years till the kids are over 18, but we have been separated over 3 years already.
The original plan was for him and his partner to buy me out, but she now refuses and he can't afford to. It's very frustrating and he won't negotiate and I can't afford to take him to court.

OP posts:

cittigirl · 30/09/2015 10:53

Presumably you earnt less as you were at home with the children. Why should he be in a better position than you now? It should be equal. Perhaps he could go back to earning more!!

Room101isWhereIUsedToLive · 30/09/2015 10:58

OP, darling, I got shafted in my divorce settlement, don't let it happen to you!!

KevinAndMe · 30/09/2015 11:06

Would mediation work?

So, in effect, the issue is that his gf said she was paying and now she doesn't want to anymore.... .

I would fight as much as I can.

MajesticWhine · 30/09/2015 11:07

I don't see why he gets more of the house. When you were part-time you were contributing to his career and his earnings presumably by picking up more of the childcare and looking after the home?
He won't negotiate? But why should it be only you that tries to negotiate. If you tell him it's going to court and you want 50-50, will he negotiate then?
Don't let him do this to you.

Dollius01 · 30/09/2015 11:07

The fact he cannot afford to buy you out is NOT YOUR PROBLEM. He has choices - he could sell up, he could go back to employed work, he could find another woman to leech off, who cares what he does? NOT YOUR PROBLEM.

Tell him this - he buys you out 50-50 (minus your half of your pension) or you force a sale of the house.

You have to play hard ball now, it is not in your or your children's interests to let him shaft you like this.

Go back to the solicitor - you can pay them out of the proceeds of the divorce settlement.

Guiltypleasures001 · 30/09/2015 11:12

If she's in the rent free, and won't buy you out. Guess who's thinking about moving back in because would cheeky caw

NoArmaniNoPunani · 30/09/2015 11:12

You can't afford not to take him to court. Take a short term financial hit by taking him to court, the long term gain will be worth it.

KevinAndMe · 30/09/2015 11:19

I agree too about thinking long term there.
How much value is 50% of the house? Surely more than 3 or 4k that the sollicitor will cost you.

Original poster

Mumsnutter963 · 30/09/2015 11:24

Thanks guys, your advice is just what I need to hear
Kevin exactly, doesn't help that she was the OW either who now lives in my house for free and sees my kids as much as I do

OP posts:

Original poster

Mumsnutter963 · 30/09/2015 11:27

Would he be encouraged / expected to negotiate in mediation? Or could he just continue to refuse to and it cost us hundreds of pounds?

OP posts:

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 30/09/2015 11:29

If I've understood correctly, he initially earned the most so understandably paid the largest share of the bills. And at a later time in the relationship that changed & you became the highest earner, paying for most of everything?

During the years you were part-time & XH was earning a higher salary, I assume you were at home for the rest of the week taking care of most of the childcare?

I can only see 50/50 as fair.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 30/09/2015 11:30

He could continue to refuse, which would then look even worse for him when you take his sorry arse to court.

lighteningirl · 30/09/2015 11:37

Solicitors will often tell you what you want to hear they earn money in divorces from this go straight to mediation then you both get a fair impartial chance to agree.

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