I'm a man, and I'm here for a woman's prospective if that's ok.
Both in our 30s, 3 kids. Not married but together 10+years.
A couple of years back DP and her best friend's DH became close with up to 20 secretive texts a day. They didn't meet up but it may have gone that way had I not stepped in after a couple of weeks. Basically I told her her BF wouldn't have been too impressed if she found out and she conceded it was 'inappropriate' and put an end to it. She never apologised or asked how I felt and I didn't tell her until 6 months later- still no apology.
She works full time but is also involved in a volunteering group, where she meets lots of other men (which I'm fine with). She was all about one particular guy, (we'll call him Tom) whom she made reference to on a regular basis, and the two of them did have late night after group study sessions together. They definitely bonded as he divulged personal marriage stuff to her; I was fine with this as she was up front about it. Then all of a sudden Tom no longer gets a mention.
The last year has been good for us as a couple, but over the past two weeks something didn't add up and I discovered she secretly arranged to met 'Dave' from group. I had never heard of Dave. She's on about 20 texts a day to Dave. Dave is married with kids. It's doesn't look like anything has happened on a sexual level, but there was maybe 3 references to a hug they shared, and light hearted stuff referencing his 'big strong arms', and they've arranged to meet again tonight.
Should I be worried? If nothing sexual happens have I the right to feel betrayed? or is this just a woman needing an emotional outlet? Is this not infidelity? She has also spoke of being lonely etc and he empthasises. We both work full time and she has her finger in a number of other pies, she's neither bored nor lonely, and I'll meet anyone's emotional needs so long as I don't withdraw into myself as a result of her clandestine activities- current status!
I feel I have to let things progress. If I torpedo these developments the cloud of distrust will remain and I'll be back here again in a year or so. If I let the situation evolve, well at least I'll know what she's capable of and how little respect she has for me, but the corollary of that is a broken home (and there's no way I'm walking out).
And whatever did happen with Tom?
If anyone had anyone thoughts or suggestions I'd love to hear them, were
you this woman?
thanks.