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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

New GF is insane

95 replies

YellowTangerine · 22/09/2015 11:06

My XDP has got a new partner about 2 weeks ago. We haven't spoken since and last night I received an email with a really horrible picture. He has my name tattooed on his chest and the new girlfriend had wrote die slut above it. She also drew her hand around it and sent me the picture with her middle finger up against his chest. Wouldn't usually be bothered but he is now asking to see DD. She has her own child but when she is acting like that I don't want my DD around her. Ex won't see DD without her. Borderline harassment from her and EX. What should I do?

OP posts:
summerwinterton · 22/09/2015 17:15

well done - you have so done the right thing. She sounds vile, and he is not any better. You are very brave.

lunar1 · 22/09/2015 17:37

When is he best due to have the children?

Starkswillriseagain · 22/09/2015 18:10

Sounds like a match made in heaven for those two! Keep logging things OP and reporting.

Wankarella · 22/09/2015 18:14

Sounds like my ex's fiancee, she did things like this to me and then expected my DC to go visiting Hmm

End result is EX hasn't seen DC for over 3 years as his fiancee doesn't like me it.

suzannecaravan · 22/09/2015 18:20

small consolation but at least she's pretty dim and therefore easy to outwit

Original poster
YellowTangerine · 22/09/2015 18:24

Honestly I've been putting up with this for years and always went back. I was literally brainwashed by him and it has happened pretty much overnight but I've lost all love and respect I ever had for him.
He has never been a good father and I think he is using DD to get to me. When it comes to my DD I will not back down. I'm ready for whatever he throws at me next and if he grows up and goes away...happy days! Grin

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 22/09/2015 18:54

See a solicitor asap about supervised contact. You have no way of stopping him from having this crazy woman around your child without it. He can (and will) promise you that she won't be around, but you have no way of enforcing it and you don't want your child put in a position of being told by her father (and he will tell her) to lie about it.

Justaboy · 22/09/2015 19:05

AcrossthePond55 second that, very good advice apart from what the police may or may not do. I expect he/ her/ they might only just get a police caution not to do it again. I think you shoudl press charges ask a solicitor a half hours advice would be be very worthwhile so you know where you stand even if this event had not taken place.

Knowledge is power and sometimes comfort!..

Original poster
YellowTangerine · 22/09/2015 19:12

Think it's important to add he is not on DDs birth certificate. He couldn't be bothered to turn up for that.

OP posts:
GriefLeavesItsMark · 22/09/2015 19:29

Did you say that the new girlfriend has children? I would be concerned for the children of anyone who acted like that.

goddessofsmallthings · 22/09/2015 19:44

As receiving this email has caused you distress and/or alarm (that they may be plotting to harm you and/or that you are in danger from them), this is an criminal offence under the Protection from Harassment Act 1997.

You can also take action against the harasser(s) in the civil courts by applying for an injunction requiring them to stop harassing you and seek compensation for emotional loss if you have been made to feel very anxious or distressed.

However, you must have experienced at least two incidents by the same person or group of people before it can be considered harassment.

It would be entirely understandable if receiving this email has persuaded you that any future contact your ex has with your dd should take place under supervison at a contact centre and, should he call you, I suggest you calmly tell him this before terminating the conversation. Alternatively, you could send him a brief and businesslike (i.e unemotive) text to this effect.

Of course, there's a risk that he may not take kindly to your decision and he/his gf may commit further acts of harassment against you but, should this be case, the police will be empowered to take action and you can pursue the matter in the civil courts if you so wish.

BitOutOfPractice · 22/09/2015 19:56

Bloody hell op they both sound unhinged Shock

Well done on your resolute stance against it. You sound marvellous and your dd is lucky to have such a strong mom

Original poster
YellowTangerine · 22/09/2015 19:57

Honestly for now I'm just leaving it and letting the dust settle. The police said they have texted him telling him to stay away. If he tries to get contact I am happy with supervised visits but no more overnight stays. Will just see how this plays out.

OP posts:
TheClacksAreDown · 22/09/2015 19:59

The police have texted him? Really?

Original poster
YellowTangerine · 22/09/2015 20:16

That's what the officer on the phone said. Makes me wonder though what good is a text going to do?? Hmm

OP posts:
Penfold007 · 22/09/2015 20:17

Police have texted him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm stunned and struggling with that.

ohmyeyebettymartin · 22/09/2015 20:23

Bizarre, police are sending texts now?!?

Hopefully you misheard, OP.

How do you think they sign their texts?

Local Police Force x ?

But seriously, hopefully this can be put to bed quickly. I feel for you.

spanisharmada · 22/09/2015 20:26

Maybe it's just preliminary, prior to statement being taken etc...? clutches at straws

spanisharmada · 22/09/2015 20:27

They do use a system where you text by email, but not usually iin these sort of circs

Original poster
YellowTangerine · 22/09/2015 20:33

So what is actually being done? I've googled and can't find much about police texting?!? I'm certain he said text. What's text by email?

OP posts:
spanisharmada · 22/09/2015 20:36

They have a system where by you can send an text to a mobile via email, using the mobile number as the first part of the email address you send to, if that makes sense.

Original poster
YellowTangerine · 22/09/2015 20:39

Ah I gave the police his full name address and telephone number so I really do hope something has been said to him. May follow it up in a few days.

OP posts:
goddessofsmallthings · 22/09/2015 20:41

A text from the police is unlikely to be the equivalent of pouring oil on troubled waters nor is texting him likely to deter the gf.

How old is your dd? Is your ex named as the father on her birth certificate and how often does he have contact with her? Does he collect her from your home and return her at the appointed time and when is he expecting to see her again?

At some point you will need to inform him that, until you can be assured that that he/his gf will not seek to harass you in any way again, he must make the necessary application to see dd in a contact centre and I would suggest you do this sooner rather than later otherwise he may turn up on your doorstep, with or without the gf in tow, demanding to see dd. www.naccc.org.uk/

Justaboy · 22/09/2015 20:44

Thats why i posted the earlier mail consult a solicitor to see where you stand legally, best bet. You can't always trust the law to act these days but at least its on record. I'd have thought they' have least gone around there and spoke to him.

That's far more impact than a bloody text!.

magoria · 22/09/2015 20:51

How would you ex know a text from the police was from the police or a mate of yours?

What a way to maybe escalate a dangerous situation!

Sorry but how fucking stupid of the police IMO.