I'm so upset. Since just before we got married last year, DH has been talking about adopting my DS. I had been thinking along the same lines as well, but when the relationship was beginning to get serious, I looked into it and found that it isn't as straightforward as the idea might suggest.
So at the time just before our wedding, he brought it up and I explained that I had looked into it and it wasn't that simple (he thought you could just go to an office and do it in one day). I also felt that it was a bit soon,and we should wait and see if XP was really going to not bother to have contact. DH became upset and felt that I didn't really want him to adopt DS. I do - and did! - but I was a bit taken aback by him wanting to do it so soon and wanted to give it more time. I explained I didn't want to just throw away the past and change DS' reality. He was surprised that I'd taken this from what he had said and said of course he wouldnt stop DS seeking out his birth family or stop him seeing his grandparents, etc. I was happy and we agreed to leave it a year or two and reassess.
Now the question has come up again, because we live in Germany and he has to use his legal name for school. XP has said no to changing it so we are looking into options. DH asked me if I was prepared to cut DS' relationship with his paternal grandparents if it's necessary to further our case for adoption /name change. I'm horrified and said no, I'm not prepared to do that. He's now upset that I "don't want him to be DS' proper dad", I feel like he's gone back on his promise. I feel like it's not my call to make to remove DS' relationship with his grandparents!
I feel like I am betraying my DH, but I'm just trying to do the right thing for DS. DH is really hurt that I wouldn't consider it.