Is this my over active imagination / result of watching Dr Foster?

[Redredwinegoestomyhead]

Husband works long hours. Tired and difficult to engage with when home. Travelled with young, female work collegue (8 hours in car together ) to meeting but didn't mention it, only discovered with later 'slip of the tongue '. Seen texts to her calling her by pet name. Seen texts to him saying 'thankyou for leaving my favourite sweets on my desk'. Goes in to office at weekends to do work with her. Denies anything untoward so I'm just waiting to see if/ what happens.

It would appear something is going on.

I'm never normally suspicious but the hours he's working are ridiculous and he's very distant with me. I've told him I feel neglected ( don't get me wrong I'm not clingy and have an independent, happy life). I said if things don't improve there is no future for us. He categorically denies OW. I'm going on holiday with friends next week so I'll see how things are. He says he'll make more effort & that he's a 'crap husband'.

I would see him describing himself as a crap husband as a possible partial confession OP. Stuff like this leaks out. It's a 'tell'.

It definitely sounds like something is going on... if not physically then certainly emotionally... I hope you enjoy your holiday & use it as a bit of a break away & come home with a more clearer mind of what to do

Yes, Gelfbride I thought that too....I honestly feel like I'm going mad.

Under different circumstances I'd advice you to tell him to cut contact & then go from there but sadly because they appear to work together I'm presuming this isn't possible?

Yes Chocoholic they work together. I saw the texts as she was texting him several times when we were in the car one Friday evening & he was declining them via Bluetooth. I was teasing him ( I initially wasn't suspicious), he looked at his phone, read texts & tossed it to me to look at messages. She text ' have a good weekend' 'you're great to work with' It's when I scrolled back I saw pet name & sweets texts....he soon grabbed phone off me.

My spidey senses would also be tingling.

I'm glad it's not just me then. I don't want to be this suspicious, jealous wife, it's really not me. I don't know what to do other than challenge the behaviour ( he just said she's such a good worker and makes his life easier so he buys her sweets and ask him to make more effort in our marriage. He agrees his home/work balance is skewed & I will notice a change when I get back from my holiday.

So while you're away he's got freedom to see her as much as he likes or do you have kids? I'd rope in a friend to keep an eye on him while you're away.

I've no children with DH and one adult son at home with exH

I haven't got any friends that live nearby and I don't want to ask neighbors. It's horrible to feel this way. I suppose I shall see how things are after my holiday. He is 30 years older than her...would a woman in her 20s be interested in a man in his 50s? Really? I wouldn't have been.

Yes 55a, he's told me she's a workaholic like he is and she determined to do well. He also told me she's ugly but then mentioned his other male colleagues were trying to look down her top....gross

Ugh, your husband sounds like a right dodgy fucker.

Sweeties ?

He'll be taking her to the park next.

No, she may not be interested in him, just a flirt, but he sure as hell sounds interested in her! " grabbing the phone off you? ".

It's when you mentioned his age, it all became crystal clear!.

I think grabbing the phone off you is a big red flag :(

what difference does it make what her intentions are ?

would it make his behaviour ok if she didn't fancy him ?

When you're writing a novel they tell you to 'show' not 'tell.'

He is doing exactly this. He is showing you that something is going on. I was going to copy and paste how he's doing this but it's in every single thing he's doing!

Something is going on. Now either she's using him to get promoted (which is very possible) or they are having an affair. Either way, he is involved with her.

What do you want to do about it now? Is he so fantastic you can hide from this?

PP are right - something is off.

Aside - my god that programme felt like a punch in the stomach tonight. I can't relate but the thought of that situation alone is vile.