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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Sex/Relationship with a Muslim Man

86 replies

LukeSkyWankFest · 15/09/2015 13:46

Hi all. I can't post this in Sex as I deregged and rejoined after the hacking fiasco last month.

So, about a month or so ago I met a 27 year old Muslim man from Jerusalem. He is working over here for 1 year with an international US company. He has been over since about May. We met at a social event (which attracts mostly single people I guess) and swapped phone numbers. We began texting a LOT in that crazy addicted way. He went back to Jerusalem for a couple of weeks during which the texting continued and we met up on his return. Since then we have spent a lot of time together. He is very nice, kind, affectionate etc. We have discussed a lot of deeper personal issues and I feel there is an emotional connection. He has also expressed that he feels this.

So, when we were texting he told me he was a virgin, however he has now had sex with me. I can't get my head around this. It seems so strange to me to wait this long before having sex, which would to me imply it is important to him within his culture/religion, and then to just get on with it with someone you have known properly for only a few weeks. The way he talks about his family/culture/religion sounds very traditional and I can't work out why having sex has suddenly become acceptable to him.

I know there is a stereotype of Muslim men coming over here and having sex with western women because it is easier/more acceptable in our culture. It makes me feel pretty rubbish to think this is what's happening and I have begun to feel very insecure and paranoid. Part of me is wondering if he even was a virgin or not, or if it could be something he said to make me feel special :( I feel suspicious of his motives and it is ruining it for me, although his behaviour hasn't actually changed towards me.

I don't really know what I'm asking to be honest. I just wanted to get it out. Does anyone have any experience of anything like this?

OP posts:

Twinklestein · 15/09/2015 21:49

Where did this dual nationality thing come from? It sounds like he's an Israeli Arab, I assumed he's of Palestinian descent, because many are, but that doesn't mean he has a dual passport. He may never have lived in Palestine.

Original poster

LukeSkyWankFest · 15/09/2015 22:06

Yes he only has an Israeli passport and has never lived in Palestine. I think he'd like to but it's just not practical on a number of levels.

OP posts:

EngTech · 15/09/2015 22:15

LukeSSF,

I assumed, and stand to be corected that a full pasport would not be issued. My knowledge is a bit out of date since last time I worked in ME

HelenaDove · 15/09/2015 22:20

No Virtuoso the speculation comes from the misogyny he has shown the OP as well as the Madonna/whore complex he clearly has.

urbinosparrot · 15/09/2015 22:41

As Twinklestein said, there are plenty of Israeli Arabs. His actual nationality isn't particularly relevant, it's his religious/cultural background that is the issue. He could have a similar outlook whatever kind of passport he had.

A relationship with someone from a very different culture can be disconcerting. You are feeling that he is judging you, which of course he is, even subconsciously, as he has been brought up to believe that sex before marriage is wrong. Your culture is as alien to him as his is to you. As you are his first proper sexual relationship it is no doubt awakening all kinds of conflicting feelings in him, the desire he feels for you and the pleasure he gets opposed to the guilt at enjoying what is forbidden.

He sounds very much the product of a conservative upbringing.

TBH, you have the choice between continuing with this relationship in the acceptance that it's not going to lead anywhere, or you get out now before you get hurt. As you said it's making you anxious, I would definitely recommend the second option!

quicklydecides · 15/09/2015 22:55

He thinks you are a dirty western woman.

HelenaDove · 17/09/2015 21:12

OP are you ok.

Fulgoribusquaeportentis · 12/07/2018 08:20

Reading the Quran from a place of cultural understanding and not religious concerns or confusion can go a long way in situations like this.

Cuttingthegrass · 12/07/2018 09:16

ZOMBIE THREAD

midnightmisssuki · 12/07/2018 09:35

But surely seeing as how he was a virgin and he gave it up to lose it to you - it must mean you are special?

I dont know OP - i have no clue with he was lying, or perhaps he really does think you are special. I do know anxiety when i read your post though - and you are over-thinking it, much like i do. Let it go, if you like him and enjoy being with him, great, if it was just a fling, fine too. It sounds like you have no intention of making it a serious relationship, and neither does he, so dont worry about it. :)

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 12/07/2018 09:40

Love a zombie thread. I wonder what ever happened here?

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