Can't post in the sex thread because I've created a secondary account to post this, but there is some sexual content below!
When we got together, DH was a virgin and he turned out to be really great in the sack! He always made sure I came first, and usually multiple times and the sex often lasted all day.
Fast forward to now: He gets some form of sexual gratification at least 2-3 times a week (not including the times where he would rather masturbate on his own- because it's quicker, and helps him to relax?!) Out of those times I probably get orgasms from maybe 1 a fortnight? It's not that he doesn't know how to get me off, it's that he's being just too damn lazy and selfish to consider my needs.
Typical scenario 1: He wakes up in the middle of the night with a stonking hard on, rubs it up against me and it ends in a bj. He then yawns and says he's sorry but he has work in the morning and he's really tired. He'll make sure I get some tomorrow (which never comes- no pun intended).
Scenario 2: Same as before but with actual penetration and a 10 second fumble to get me ready. I occasionally have a minuscule orgasm.
Scenario 3: We have set aside the evening to have an early night so that I get some. Throughout the evening I prompt him several times to come to bed, and he makes an excuse and says he needs 10/20 more minutes each time. Eventually I go to bed at around 11pm and read or something. I go to check where he is at 11.30ish and he's asleep on the sofa. I wake him up and he swears he was just 'resting his eyes' and needs a few more minutes. He eventually comes to bed and apologises, saying he's too tired.
Scenario 4: We set aside the night to go to bed early and have some fun. He delays and delays because he 'has to let his stomach settle' or is 'just having a quick brew' or 'just wants to watch the end of this program'. We end up going up around 10.30ish. It feels very scheduled and awkward (even though he's never in the mood when I try to be spontaneous). He spends a few seconds kissing me (even though I repeatedly tell him that kissing is a great way to get me in the mood), then moves down to pinch and pull at my nipples- don't get me wrong, I LOVE a bit of pain with my pleasure, but he doesn't take the time or care to get the balance. Then he heads straight down there and gets to work orally, with very little variation. After I've orgasmed, he gets a great blowjob, penetrates me for < 5 minutes and then we're done and he wants a cuddle.
If you're still with me, last night, scenario 4 began to play out, but I asked him to stop as soon as he got past my nipples, because I could tell he wasn't in the mood and that really didn't get me in the mood. He said he was but he was just tired. I said that I wasn't and explained that it would be nice to have a bit more sensuality and time spent on me. He said we 'didn't have loads of time to do all that stuff'. I explained that I wasn't suggesting with got out the toy box and rope and made a night of it, just that it would be nice to have some teasing and kissing, and maybe some focus on my whole body instead of leaping to the 3 hot spots and expecting me to be ready. We tried kissing, but I ended up moving away from him because he still clearly wasn't into it. I suggested that we leave it there and go to sleep seeing as he was tired and he agreed. He knew I was upset because I had a serious discussion with him not so long ago about me doing a lot of giving and not getting much in return. Note, I don't mind the odd occasion when it's all about him, I actually get a lot out of pleasuring him; I would just like a bit more consideration than I'm currently getting! Anyway, he went straight to sleep and I ended up sat up for another hour, feeling upset and angry with him.
He's just called from work today, and he knows I'm upset but I said I'd rather talk when he gets home. I have no idea what to say without just repeating everything I've already said to him several times and ending up with promises that are never kept!
Has anyone else ever experienced this? How did you work it out?
Sex as a couple is really important for me, and I don't want to just 'sort myself out'. There's a lot more that I want from a sexual encounter than just a quick orgasm!