Ever had a colleague (or anyone else in your life) who has Borderline Personality Disorder?

[Abundatia]

Is it even possible to reason with them?

I have a friend/loose relation with diagnosed BPD plus addictive tendencies. She has been a lovely friend and can, in all but her darkest moments, most definitely be reasoned with. Yes, she can be unreliable and has occasionally lied, but she is largely aware of it and I know her well enough to know when it's the illness taking over and not 'her'.

I thought that BPD had quite a wide remit and that inflexible thinking to the point of 'never being wrong' was only one subset of a very complex disorder.

I'm finding it really positive to hear about these success stories ( I know it's hard alongside that). I really despair that my young person can achieve well in the future, but I'm a bit more hopeful now. Those of you who are with well functioning partners/ family with bpd were there any things that helped them particularly? My dad refuses any therapy and it can seem very bleak sometimes

For drug users or people who have children taken into care, a judge may direct a treatment programme such as a specialist therapeutic community.

Oh I see.

My friend with BPD has had her two children taken away from her. She's in treatment and really wants her children back but it's been years since they were taken from her. She has lost a lot in life, including her career too. She does get extremely worked up, irrational and even rageful when she feels that somebody is rejecting her but usually she will immediately seek help from her support network during those times and perhaps schedule an emergency appointment as soon as possible with her mental health team.

It seems odd that a good person like this loses her kids and her job while an untreated BPD sufferer who's abusive and out of control like my mother was able to keep her kids (and abuse them) and bizarrely even able to hold down jobs usually.

has your friend been having DBT or other forms of treatment?

Holy crap! You have obviously had a real shitty time of things. I cannot imagine the hatred you must feel towards your mother. It must be very difficult to work with someone you believe (wether he has it or not is a different matter, it's that you believe he does) to have the same disorder as your mother. I also imagine it must tempting to see your mothers treatment of you all as the result of her mental illness rather than it just being her. And maybe it was the BPD.

I imagine it's probably quite scary to work with someone that volatile.

All of that aside you also must understand that not all BPD sufferers (like me) are hideous monsters like your mother.

In practical terms have you been to hr or someone above him about his outbursts? It sounds like he is not coping, needs help and yes, is making other people's lives difficult.

Have you had professional treatment to help deal with having grown up with such an awful mother? It sounds like maybe, on a sideline, it might help you. You can't grow up like that and come out unscathed.

My DH has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder but was initially diagnosed with Bipolar (BP), although that has now changed to Cyclothymia. WE used to frequent a BP forum (on there we were all called Beepers which I though great) which was fantastic though I haven't been on it since the change in diagnosis. Depending on his mood and whats going on around him it can be possible to reason with him, though it's down in his Care Plan that the danger signs are grandiose thoughts, argumentative and this awful conceit. When that happens no amount of reasoned argument will change things, he is right no matter what. When he starts thinking rationally again we can then discuss his attitude and responses and he generally accepts he was an arse but thats of little consequence to DD and DS who have to put up with his arrogance.

DBT is definitely the best sort of therapy as far as I know, in fact I think that DBT was designed for BPD, as CBT can be damaging to people with BPD. But if your dad is refusing therapy then that isn't going to be an option I suppose.

There are some books on Amazon that are useful, my husband found this one particularly good.

www.amazon.co.uk/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Survival-Guide/dp/1572245077

bookworm it's not an illness because it cannot be medicated better and people with it are not necessarily mentally unwell.

People who have bpd may also experience a mental illness, such as depression or anxiety. And these may result from the bpd, but it developes/emerges from an abusive/traumatic childhood when the developing personality becomes 'disordered' and doesn't develop as it would have otherwise. It's not ill.

I'm sure someone will come and correct me! But that's always been my understanding.

DBT is an excellent treatment. I agree with dixienormous that some people who have terrible difficulties in their teens and early 20s get to the point where they would no longer be diagnosed with BPD by the time they are older. They sometimes come out of it with great compassion and insight for other people who have mental health issues.

I'm also in a creative industry (fashion), I am yet to come across someone in a top position that is "severely mentally unstable"

Hi Kitty and thanks for your message. I invested in a couple of years of therapy to help deal with the aftermath of the abusive childhood. It was helpful. My psychologist had quite a lot of experience with both people with BPD and their adult children. But no my psychologist was not slagging BPD patients off!

You are quite right, my boss's behaviour is very triggering for me. I'd imagine that people who grew up with abusive alcoholic parents might possibly be triggered in some way by aggressive drunks in adulthood. Similarly, I get very frightened and upset around people who are very obviously unstable and flying off the handle every other second.

Years ago I worked at a company where our boss was incredibly unstable, would actually fire people and then re-hire them the next day, scream, cry and have all kinds of meltdowns on a weekly basis. I've no idea whether that particular guy had an actual mental illness, but I bring up this case to say that everybody just accepted that he was out of control and nobody seemed to bother to challenge him on it or complain to his higher-ups. Some companies just have a very toxic culture where people accept the abusive conduct. Rather like the structure of many abusive families, actually

Thanks for your message Siency. That provided some valuable insight.

Lucky you.

I'm so glad some people have waded in here. I am sickened by the attitude I see on a lot of threads - that because someone is more difficult to be around that they should be 'cut off' or shunned.

When did we become so selfish? When did we decide that it was ok to only have people in our lives that gave US something or made our lives easier?

Well done to all those amazing people who are working hard to overcome BPD.

My mother has BPD. Had treatment in the past for depression and anxiety but refused it for BPD as everyone else is the problem. She had a very abusive marriage with my father who was alcoholic and the symptoms have considerable worsened since her fifties.

I went NC with her a few years ago because of walking on eggshells and never knowing what would spark off the next torrent of abuse. In the end she accused my husband of something so awful we couldn't carry on. She is also NC with her sister who has BP. My sister who lives overseas and her 2nd husband tiptoe around her but she has fallen out with her friends. I wish they would encourage her to have treatment but they won't. I can see how desperate she must feel but she is absolutely toxic to be around.

I'm sorry that you've had this experience Fatfreefaff. It's awful.

Where a person is unable to provide an even vaguely safe home for their kids due to mental illness I don't think it is unreasonable to complain and not be satisfied. In such a case the priority really should be the immediate welfare of the kids.

I totally agree abundatia, children's welfare should always come first. Of course it should.

I think what people are saying is the a diagnosis of BPD (treated or not) does not necessarily mean that person will be abusive or uncap able of providing a caring home for their children

People with BPD are not bad people. I'm not saying that. But in many cases a severe UNTREATED mental illness can not only cause the sufferer distress but can also impact even ruin the lives of the sufferer's spouse, children etc. Personal responsibility is really important. Even just as the child of an abusive mother I had to seek out and pay for extensive therapy just to be able to fully function myself. If not, I'd have ended up perpetuating the cycle of abuse probably.

I do. She is a fabulous colleague and an amazing person. She has worked, very, very hard to overcome her difficulties. I am just so glad she is working with me in an environment where her illness is understood, where she is supported if she relapses and where she can do genuine good work raising awareness and promoting research. Not being pious here, just trying to say that BPD is not automatically a lost cause.

Yes, you are right. There is a level of personal responsibility, and for those who are so ill they have lost touch with reality, it is the responsibility of those around them (adults, not children) to seek help on their behalf.

The people with BPD here have all taken responsibility for looking after themselves.

Yes extreme mental illness does not only affect the ill person but many people around them which is really shit. I know even though I am stable, very insightful about myself and my various disorders they still impact on those around me. I'm bloody determined they won't effect my dd though!

I am very sorry you've had such a tough time and, without trying to sound patronising, well done for looking after yourself and getting counselling. I know how hard that in itself is!