Hi there, just warning you before hand that this may be a bit of a long one, sorry if I ramble on a bit, from the beginning. Me and my dh have been together for 16 years (since we were 16) and married for 10, we have two gorgeous children, dd age 11 and ds age 4. Our youngest has recently been diagnosed with Asd/Spd after three years of battling and dealing with his behaviours and meltdowns, it's been quite tough.
Basically we had our dd and life was rosey, and although we don't regret having our ds, not for a second me and dh as people and as a couple have changed so much. We get absolutely zero alone time, except for a couple of hours of an evening and that's if dh is on his early shift, if he's on lates he doesn't get home until gone 11pm by which time asleep.
Anyway I'd say we are a strong couple but these last few years have been trying and we spent some off time arguing and sniping at each other. Like I said we rarely get any alone time and we are lucky to get a night out together twice a year for our birthdays/anniversary. And although like I said we wouldn't change our family set up we have definitely changed as a couple.
Without meaning to come across as crude we haven't had sex since March! Partly to do with the fact I have a medical condition that makes me have irregular periods, sometimes going four months between them but then having one for up to six weeks! But there has been plenty of time inbetween if you like to dtd but it hasn't happened. I'm exhausted every night through looking after the kids all day and he's tired from working long shifts. When we have had the opportunity lately to be intimate (kids went to sisters once and sils another night for both our birthdays) we get half way in and dh suddenly loses his E! This is obviously emabrassing for him (despite me not making a big deal of it) but it's happened the last few times now and it's getting me down.
So comes the next bit. My dh takes our two kids camping every July with his mum and step dad, our kids love it and have been going for years, plus it gives me a little break. Well this year him and his parents make friends with a woman who's there with her two young kids, she happened to be a special needs link/support worker and she took an instant liking to our ds, fair enough. So this was the second day that they met and according to my dd they spent a lot a lot of time together (as a group) round the campfire, going into town etc. All is fine and they all come back from holiday excited to tell we what they've been up to and dh tells me more about this woman and that she'd love to come up to see us and meet me (as apparently dh was raving on about me to her) again fair enough, she seemed nice and I thought it'd be beneficial maybe to get some advice about ds, tips about dealing with his meltdowns etc.
A few days after dh got back from holiday this woman friend requested him on Facebook and since then her and dh have been talking quite a bit. Don't get me wrong he's been quite upfront about talking with her and he insists she is just a friend, and whilst on one hand I do believe him, on the other I feel a bit strange about it and maybe a bit envious (which I know sounds silly). He tends to talk with her first thing in a morning (when he's on his afternoon shift) and then again around 11pm/12midnight when he's home from work and I'm usually upstairs in bed. Now the only reason I know this is because his messages keep coming to my tablet. On the tablet the Facebook and messenger app are two separate apps so I'm on my Facebook some mornings and I'm getting messages through for dh as he's left his Facebook logged in on google so his messages come straight to me (if you get me?)
I'll admit I had a quick peek and then later read through most of them, they seem innocent but then lately have been getting a bit more personal. It's definitely 50/50 and I'd say she's messaging dh as much as he's messaging her and I don't want to be one of those jealous paranoid types and say he can't have a friend just because she's female but I feel a bit uncomfortable.
And there's more! My dh has "asked" if he can go away the last weekend in September to this music/beer festival up in the Lake District (at the camping site were he takes the kids every year, and we're he met this woman). I said yeah of course as after all I had my break when he took the kids away in July and I know that dh, like myself had been really stressed lately and deserves a rest. For me I couldn't go away on my own I'd be bored to death but il he said if he can sit there at the camp fire with a beer listening to some tunes and maybe go fishing during the day then he's happy.
Well, I found out yesterday that the woman who dh met in camping in July is also going to the festival! Apparently she's booked to go with her sister and a friend and dh has said that he still wants to go (despite me having, shall we say, my reservations!).
Now I just don't know what to make of this! If it was any male other than my dh i already know what I'd be thinking! But my dh, well I know him through and through, and know at the minute he's barely got the energy to manage me, yet alone another woman. This is what my grown up, rational head keeps telling me, ie that it's all very innocent, that he'd never cheat on me etc but my crazy head is taking over my rationale head and keeps saying woah!!!! this isn't right. I've spoken with dh and he insists constantly that if he sees this woman at the festival then he'll obviously speak with her and have a few drinks but that's as far as it will go! He says he has no interest in her sexually but that he thinks she's a nice person, that i'd really like her and get on with her and that our kids get on with hers so why not! Now.....am I being irrationally crazy or should I worry?