Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

how to reply to this text?

97 replies

CocoPlum · 09/09/2015 19:37

Long, sorry. Posted on dating thread but it's v quiet on there atm. Need to vent. Was messaging a nice man on POF for a couple of weeks, when he returned.from.his holiday he asked me out, we went for drinks on Fri before I met another friend. Went well, he actually gave me butterflies. He texted me over the weekend, said he'd like to see me again, suggested Thursday, could he see me for longer than a couple of hours this time? I arranged with exH to swap nights with DCs so I could go.

Mon eve POF man texts me just with a funny thing that'd happened with his kids that evening, and mentions he's got a day off work Tuesday.

Tuesday (yesterday) I hear nothing.

Today, I drop him a quick text to say how was his day off, are we still on for tomorrow.

An hour ago I get a text saying sorry but he has to cancel. He feels too stressed at work to start something, his head isn't in the right place, he should be excited about another date and instead he's thinking about work stuff, he's v sorry.

I'm gutted but am trying to work out what to text back. I'd already told him a while back I was v close to taking a break from OLD, so I was trying to work out how to say "hope it gets better soon, am taking a break from OLD but you have my number if things change" - wanted to leave it open and friendly without being desperate and upset, and not wanting to be pissed off at the hassle I had switching nights!

While mulling it over I went into POF to delete my account ... I can see he's logged on.

Am really gutted. Stupid I know but he seemed lovely, and he was the first date I'd had that made my tummy flip. I'm sure it's "he's not that into you" but signs I'd had since first date were all good!

How would you text back??

OP posts:
Wankarella · 09/09/2015 19:39

I wouldn't, or if I did I would have to mention seeing him on POF.

Twinklestein · 09/09/2015 19:40

I don't think it really matters what you say given that he's not interested.

I'd probably put 'ok see ya'.

ImperialBlether · 09/09/2015 19:40

I wouldn't send a text. What message can you send? He's told you he's not up for a relationship (sounds like flaky reasons, but who knows?) and you can see he's been on POF again. He's messing you around. Butterflies will come again when you meet someone else, but surely you know POF is full of the most unreliable people you could ever have the misfortune to meet?!

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 09/09/2015 19:42

I would text back, "ok, thanks for letting me know".

Because some men wouldn't have done. What else can you say?

ruddynorah · 09/09/2015 19:42

Maybe he just wants to chat to people but not meet them. Thrill of the chase.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 09/09/2015 19:43

I wouldn't not reply because I always think thay makes you sound like you are too heartbroken to say anything!

BackInTheRealWorld · 09/09/2015 19:43

God don't even bother replying, he is brushing you off.
And if he does contact you I. A few weeks then who ever he brushed you off for has obviously brushed him off.
Don't waste your time or energy.

BackInTheRealWorld · 09/09/2015 19:44

*Contact you in a few weeks

SurlyCue · 09/09/2015 19:44

Youre massively overthinking this! Either reply "ok thanks for letting me know" or dont reply. Either way, move on. He isnt interested.

ImperialBlether · 09/09/2015 19:44

Or "OK, have fun."

SurlyCue · 09/09/2015 19:45

Yes what back said.

Jw35 · 09/09/2015 19:50

Text him back a picture of yourself naked and write 'you will never get this'

Dowser · 09/09/2015 19:56

Has his holiday romance born fruit?

Something's happened to change his mind and he's tried to let you down gently.

Don't take it personally. My first date let me down and then I met my second who was much more of a catch ! It was POF after all.

We are getting married next week.

I just wished my date good luck for the future . I would do the same to yours. You owe each other nothing, so just treat him as a friend or a ship that passed in the night.

Footle · 09/09/2015 19:58

Jw35, that's possibly the worst piece of advice I've seen on MN.

beardsrock · 09/09/2015 19:58

Howl at Jw35

Don't text him back, OP.

beardsrock · 09/09/2015 19:59

Surely Jw was being facetious, Footle?

Olivepip59 · 09/09/2015 19:59

No. Maintain your dignity and keel your powder dry for someone who will value you properly.

Olivepip59 · 09/09/2015 20:00

*keep Blush

Iusedtobeapenguin · 09/09/2015 20:01

Don't text anything. He's made it clear he can't be arsed so why should you bother?

Footle · 09/09/2015 20:04

Beardsrock, I was too startled to realise. Jw35, excuse my facetiousness detector fail. Superb suggestion.

Jw35 · 09/09/2015 20:05
Grin
AnyFucker · 09/09/2015 20:06

I love that idea by Jw Grin

CocoPlum · 09/09/2015 20:11

jw thank you, that made me laugh!

I know I'm over thinking it. I get that someone would not want to see me again, but after the first date, then just be polite, don't schedule again, and he knew I'd made the effort to rearrange with ex. He also sent nice messages chatting in between ... I'm not having the best week and right now I'm trying to stay smiley as ex is about to turn up to drop something off. Currently having one of those "I'm going to.be alone forever" moments!

OP posts:
brokenhearted55a · 09/09/2015 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

newnamesamegame · 09/09/2015 20:15

JW that's a stroke of genius.... but....

I'm with FolkGirl on this -- I think not replying makes you look more bothered than if you just say something really "whatever".

I'd leave it 24 hours and then text back something breezy like "ok cool, have fun". Something really bland and non-committal he'll never be able to read any emotion into.

Maybe its just me but I don't like to give anyone the bloody satisfaction of knowing they've rattled or upset me. Think its generally a good principle to live your life by.