how to reply to this text?

[CocoPlum]

Long, sorry. Posted on dating thread but it's v quiet on there atm. Need to vent. Was messaging a nice man on POF for a couple of weeks, when he returned.from.his holiday he asked me out, we went for drinks on Fri before I met another friend. Went well, he actually gave me butterflies. He texted me over the weekend, said he'd like to see me again, suggested Thursday, could he see me for longer than a couple of hours this time? I arranged with exH to swap nights with DCs so I could go.

Mon eve POF man texts me just with a funny thing that'd happened with his kids that evening, and mentions he's got a day off work Tuesday.

Tuesday (yesterday) I hear nothing.

Today, I drop him a quick text to say how was his day off, are we still on for tomorrow.

An hour ago I get a text saying sorry but he has to cancel. He feels too stressed at work to start something, his head isn't in the right place, he should be excited about another date and instead he's thinking about work stuff, he's v sorry.

I'm gutted but am trying to work out what to text back. I'd already told him a while back I was v close to taking a break from OLD, so I was trying to work out how to say "hope it gets better soon, am taking a break from OLD but you have my number if things change" - wanted to leave it open and friendly without being desperate and upset, and not wanting to be pissed off at the hassle I had switching nights!

While mulling it over I went into POF to delete my account ... I can see he's logged on.

Am really gutted. Stupid I know but he seemed lovely, and he was the first date I'd had that made my tummy flip. I'm sure it's "he's not that into you" but signs I'd had since first date were all good!

How would you text back??

At the risk of mass generalising, men don't concoct all sorts of thoughts in their heads over texts, or the absence thereof.

A 'quite agree...' style text is clearly someone openly on the defensive. If she 'quite agrees', then why wasn't she blowing him off, and giving every appearance of being dead keen until he changed his mind? It's way too transparent and obvious.

Radio silence is the only option.

Well ... she wasn't blowing him off as you put it because she isn't stressed at work. If he is that stressed at work then it probably isn't a good idea for him to embark on a new relationship is it?

So whether its true or whether its an excuse, why not just be a grown up and reply to it?

I would reply, it's polite! A simple 'No worries, best of luck.'

'No worries, best of luck.'

That's perfect.

Not huffy or questioning, just polite and simple.

You don't have to be polite to someone who messes you around. And this guy has messed the OP around.

As I said earlier, a 'no worries' text is fine, if communicating with him is an absolute necessity. But ignoring it and moving on actually is fine, too.

Honestly, the angst. I'm certain yer man isn't over on Dadsnet agonising over it in the manner that we all are. He probably forgot about it all entirely the minute he sent his text.

Why would he reply after one date.

Exactly. Some massive over thinking going on here.

shutthatdoor I agree it is kind of overthinking! However it's not like he's sent this after the date - what's pissed me off is that he said he'd like to see me again, suggested the day, said he hoped he could have more than 2 hours of my time on this one, sent me chatty messages about his day.

I'm going to send a v bland one this morning I think. I would say I'd have a good drink tonight but I've decided to give up drinking at home!

Don't mention you are peeing when you text him.

I wonder if he wanted you to suggest doing something on Tuesday.

I think replying is good manners and conventional, even if you don't like what he has done (and actually he's just being honest, giving him the benefit of the doubt) you can rise above his shabby behaviour by being scrupulously polite.

I would be so tempted to send 'Meh - Whatevs'

You don't owe this man anything you don't know him leave him alone. You don't know how tolerant he is and he has not shown you any respect so why reply. He obviously is still looking for someone, he's still using the dating site. If I was you I would dust myself of and go again you will find someone who will love and appreciate you. Please don't waste your time on him its his loss.

I think not replying to a text is lowering yourself cos it looks huffy and if they've been texting back and forth already he knows she replies to texts so it's just logical to aknowledge his text and also gives her a chance to be breezy.

I'm also a fan of:

No worries, best of luck.

It's polite, it's short, and it suggests the OP has moved on already.

Actually I don't think the reply is important just because of how it might make the man feel. It may be important to feel you ended the conversation with dignity (or would be for me) so that you aren't left just feeling like he threw a shitty ball in your court and you just left it there.

They did arrange a date, which he cancelled - it's not just a bloke saying he's not interested. He actively messed her around. I would want to be sending a message that says (in not so many words!) "OK, see ya, I haven't let this get me down" - because it would make me feel better.

is this not a case of, as the saying goes

Is he the only one to reply to you on the dating site?
You should be planning your next date with another eligible bachelor not hanging on to a text message. Life goes on enjoy yourself. Don't behave too needy just be yourself and relax. Let them chase you not the other way around.

I have seen your post on the dating thread.
Sadly this happens a lot with OLD, I think you need to be great fun that he has told you he's not interested ( even if he did make up an excuse ), I have had several men that show interest and then the next day they vanish off the face of the earth, no text, no message on POF, nothing , then I'm left wondering what has happened.
I think this guy has tried to let you down gently, he wasn't that into you, maybe he didn't feel butterflies. Don't quit the OLD, I know it's hard work and tedious at times ( I'm finding it the same ) but I think you need to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince.

nipers yes it is a lot like that - I watched that episode.recently! - if he'd sent his text after our first date then I would've been a bit gutted but ok, he's not that into me - what's confused me is all the rest of it in between THEN the "awkward email" (well, text)? I think that's a bit of a shitty way to deal with it, especially as he knew I'd made changes for childcare. Surely it would've been better manners to have just not said "I'd like to see you again" or to even bother arranging a date.

never TBH I was planning a break anyway from OLD after I'd been out with him. I'm starting to feel it's a bit of a chore, not fun any more, and I need some time off. In a way I'm lucky - I have my DCs so I'm not feeling any kind of biological clock pressure!

This is the first person I've been interested in, really, and the first time I've been messed about. I've had a tricky week and am feeling pretty emotional and alone for other reasons and that's probably why I'm placing way too much emphasis on this text!

Silence is golden. It conveys nothing at all.

You're all right. I realise I am kind of pathetic.