how to reply to this text?

[CocoPlum]

Long, sorry. Posted on dating thread but it's v quiet on there atm. Need to vent. Was messaging a nice man on POF for a couple of weeks, when he returned.from.his holiday he asked me out, we went for drinks on Fri before I met another friend. Went well, he actually gave me butterflies. He texted me over the weekend, said he'd like to see me again, suggested Thursday, could he see me for longer than a couple of hours this time? I arranged with exH to swap nights with DCs so I could go.

Mon eve POF man texts me just with a funny thing that'd happened with his kids that evening, and mentions he's got a day off work Tuesday.

Tuesday (yesterday) I hear nothing.

Today, I drop him a quick text to say how was his day off, are we still on for tomorrow.

An hour ago I get a text saying sorry but he has to cancel. He feels too stressed at work to start something, his head isn't in the right place, he should be excited about another date and instead he's thinking about work stuff, he's v sorry.

I'm gutted but am trying to work out what to text back. I'd already told him a while back I was v close to taking a break from OLD, so I was trying to work out how to say "hope it gets better soon, am taking a break from OLD but you have my number if things change" - wanted to leave it open and friendly without being desperate and upset, and not wanting to be pissed off at the hassle I had switching nights!

While mulling it over I went into POF to delete my account ... I can see he's logged on.

Am really gutted. Stupid I know but he seemed lovely, and he was the first date I'd had that made my tummy flip. I'm sure it's "he's not that into you" but signs I'd had since first date were all good!

How would you text back??

Glad I made you laugh! he's not worth another thought

He isn't necessarily dping anything. He may be telling the truth and thinks you deserve better but if so he is a massively overthinking drama queen and you are better off without him. He may be on pof to say bye to others he has been chatting to.

I'd go with the 'ok' text. And move on with life. Its good he told you but he doesn't deserve a reply longer than 'oh' or 'ok' because what he should a tually have done was taken you out on thursday anyway just to be polite as you had changed arrangements.

Make sure you are not sitting in on Thursday. Make the most of your night off.

I agree with ^ and folk girl. If your paths cross again you'll feel better for having texted something polite back (or even wishing him luck in future) you don't want to lower yourself. What's for you won't go by you there are millions of people and he is only one

I actually think what you were going to say is pretty good. It is polite and friendly without sounding heartbroken or like you were that into him either, IYSWIM.

Or to sound slightly less hopeful it could be:

"hope it gets better soon, am taking a break from OLD so bye for now"

This reminds me of the Friends episode where Monica was trying to leave a "breezy" phone message but ruined it by adding "I'm breezy!" at the end. Just don't put that :o

I'd go with 'ok, take care and don't work too hard :)'

You never know - he might be an arse or he might just be having a crappy time and not want to inflict that on you atm

I would send any of the above and then get back online and arrange a date for Thursday, as you have the night off.

I thinki just think that after one date, I wouldn't have a good enough reason to not reply.

I suppose I just think that ignoring a message makes it look like you're heartbroken, offended or have got the hump.

When, in reality, after one date they mean nothing. So "thanks for letting me know" can be sent while I'm having a wee and nothing can be read into it. If they are doing it for kicks, they won't get any from that. If it is actually genuine (maybe they thought they were in the right place for dating and have realised they're not) then it's pleasant enough.

That's all.

Ha, this thread is MN at its finest, great advice but also hilarious.

I agree with Folkgirl and Newname - give it a few hours before replying and then just be very matter of fact - ok, thanks for letting go me know, good luck with your search. I've had similar OLD encounters before - stung a bit at the time but I barely remember it now.

That's slightly different though, broken (although I would still have replied to say that I had felt the same and wish them well in their search - it's just polite and part of the social dance that makes the journey through life a little more pleasant).

In the OP's case, they'd had a good time, been in touch afterwards and arranged to go out again. I think you save more face by sending a non commital, unemotional reply than you do by sending none.

Thanks all. It does sting. I know it's stupid and I shouldn't make a big deal out of one date! But the fact we got.on, he was attractive AND arranged to see me again was a boost to my fragile self esteem, so this has been a real blow to it, especially on a week that's not been great so far. Unfortunately as it's tomorrow night I've got nothing else I can plan. He does have a v stressful job which I am sure does very much affect a person however he said it's taken a few days to work things out - well, he was making arrangements with me on Monday evening after work and didn't work yesterday, so not sure quite how that works ....

Thank you to the PP who said "what's meant for you won't pass you by" which made me cry a little, I hope someone IS meant for me!

This reminds me of the Friends episode where Monica was trying to leave a "breezy" phone message but ruined it by adding "I'm breezy!" at the end. Just don't put that I laughed a lot at this one!

I haven't replied yet. I'm thinking "right ok.thanks for letting me know. Hope it gets better soon"? I may even send it while I'm doing a wee (inspired by FolkGirl's post)!

I'm a big fan of multitasking

brokenhearted55a

But everyone's perception of these things is different. If someone didnt even dignify me with an answer I would figure they gave so little a shit about me that they didnt bother.

Isn't that the point?

Surely the last thing the OP wants is for this no mark to think she gives a toss about him?

The less dignity she gives his response, the better. And the least dignity to give someone is to make yourself appear indifferent....

Aww Coco I know exactly how you feel, and it does sting. I wouldn't read too much into him being online, I think a lit of people message more than one person in the beginning, or just log on quickly to check messages especially if they have the app.

Like others have said, I would send a non committal text along the lines of 'that's a shame. Hope things get better at work, thanks for letting me know' And then remind yourself of all the things you didn't like about him and try to put him out of your head! Easier said than done, I know

Don't bother to reply. He isn't worth it. Love jw comment!

I'm totally with brokenhearted - I wouldn't reply at all.

An 'OK, thanks for letting me know' comes across to me as a lot bit weedy and pathetic, i.e. I'm so nice and polite that I'll actually thank you for knowingly being a dickhead.

No reply is far more of a brush-off to my kind. And who cares if you run into him again? He's not into you, so it doesn't matter what he think.

If you absolutely cannot bear not to reply, then surely something like 'no worries' is better than thanking him.

Onwards and upwards.

Why reply? It won't get you anywhere. Just leave him off and move on to the next!

^^ Exactly.

And there is no 'leaving the door open', unless it's for some sort of FWB arrangements that would suit him, but clearly not her. If he was into her, he'd be seeing her again now. Not sometime in the future when the stars align.

All the more reason just not to reply.

Maybe he was logged on to delete his account like you were?

I just think it looks socially inadequate/inept not to reply. If op replies then it gives out a far better am I bovvered message than not replying at all, when the silly man could be concocting all sorts of "oh no I've really upset her, she must have been really into me" thoughts in his head.

I'd reply with "Quite agree, would be good to concentrate on sorting out your work stress. Perhaps even look for another job? Best of luck with that."

I agree that silence conveys slight hurt/pissed off-ness.

I'd send "No worries "