He changed his mind about living together.

[Saffy101]

We are in our 50's. After a couple of months together he started to talk about me moving in and also to propose. At first I laughed it off as it was way too soon but as the months went by and we are so well suited I began to make plans to move myself, my business and my belongings. We discussed this and the advertising required for my business move, the local radio station came to start the ball rolling with writing the first advert.

After 10 months together I told him that in another 2 months I would be about ready to make the move and didn't get the expected reaction. He told me that I had misunderstood, that wasn't what he had meant. I asked what he had meant as there was little else he could have meant and didn't get an explanation. I asked when he wanted us to live together and was told maybe in another 2 to 3 years.

Another time I mentioned the proposals....there were many over a period of over 6 months, he said he had no recollection.

This is now nearly a year ago and he has - just remembered, says he felt excited about our relationship back then.

My problem. What to do. I feel pretty much as I did about him, I do still love him BUT I do not feel the same about the relationship. What do we have? I am really unsure. We stay with one another once or twice a week. We row often since the "rejection" which is how I feel about it, possibly because I think I am a more prickly person to be with since then and don't feel as if I am important to him. I certainly don't come first in his world.

He has a teenage daughter who stays with him every so often and older children. The teenager comes first whatever our plans, they are dropped in her favour, she is 16. I am asked to join activities and if I find I can go, the day will suddenly change to one I cannot make - no apology and I am in the wrong if I complain.

If I ask what he wants the reply is...I want to "end up with you."

I feel as if he has exactly what he wants, no less and no more, I have been manouvered into this and it isn't what I wanted. He says if I'm not happy I should finish with him.

The annoying thing is - I didn't ask to move in together in the first place it was his idea, it is the change of mind that really matters, plus the lack of explanation.

He was married for over 15 years, his last girlfriend moved in and they lived together for a few years.

"Just as I went out to get in my car he arrived and parked in front which blocked me in, he just wanted 5 mins, which turned into nearly an hour. "

That is controlling to the point of sinister.

You are very well out of it.

Glad you have some perspective.

Can I ask, why would you have moved your life your job and everything for someone you had known 10 months. That's talking about spending a lifetime with someone the rest of your life - with someone you met less than a year ago. Are we as women rushing into these things? I think its absolutely typical for a man to do all the running (even the marry me!!) To start.some of them might be utter dicks but I believe a large proportion are as swept us as we are...then for some reason after only months women are willing to commit their whole lives to men they have just met. I think putting the brakes on as men seem to is always seen as nasty or unloving or deceitful - I actually think for the longevity of a relationship its sometimes a very very wise decision. But because the men do it in their heavy handed emotionally haphazard way its seen as negative I honestly think that if you are heading down the same path then why the rush? You knew it was too soon and said as much.... But when he said it or withdrew it, its wrong. Sense does not equal lack of caring or love. A life commitment is a big thing or it should be. I daresay he's back on the dating site to try and find the right person, I daresay he'll make the same mistake again of going in all guns blazing.... We get the same lesson over again until we learn it as they say. At 53 perhaps he wants to take it slow to make it last but gets carried away to start. He needs to reign that in, hopefully for the next one he will. In the meantime OP , let things unfold in your next relationship as they will. People are entitled to change their mind about the pace (as you did) its a huge deal after all. I hope you find the right one soon

Hello Threefishys I will message you.

Oooooh you are so well rid of this huge narc! Well done. Onwards and upwards.

Welcome to the Exes of Narcs club. It seems there are a LOT of us on here! Oooh there's a thread title in there somewhere

Threfishys have you actually read this whole thread?

Of course a person can 'change their mind' or want to slow the pace but that isn't what happened here. The OP was being lied to and mindfucked throughout the relationship.

Onwards and upwards, OP. When I got to the bit about him weeping and wailing in the street I thought to myself, ' He'll be back online in a week or two.' So predictable.

Yes I have and I have a different view. And as was clearly demonstrated the guy showed his colours given time which only goes to show that rushing in is never a good idea for anyone concerned and I font think anyone could argue against that.

Ok, nobody would argue with not rushing in, it's a valid point. But the OP was about how he deliberately mislead her by begging her to move in, allowing her to make extensive preparations and then pretending she had misunderstood. Not apologising and saying he needed more time but making her feel small and stupid. That's cruel and deliberate. From everything the OP has said about him I'm not seeing a man who got all loved up and carried away, far from it.

However, we can all agree she's well rid. and pity the next hapless female he starts up with.

Absolutely