The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Waving Goodbye To Summer Nights, Sipping Mocktails.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse Welcome to the Bus. :)

Well, it would appear that Autumn is on it's way I have the heating on and can't wait to use the log burner.... shhh!

So, who are we? We're just like you. Married, single, divorced, lots of children or no children, working or a SAHM, it doesn't matter, we all breathe the same air.....

We're just trying to live our lives on the Bus, like you do each day. Well, except for one thing...

I know don't start my day with a swig, or seven, from a litre bottle of vodka (choose your poison) any longer.

And that's what has kept me here, for years now. And no doubt many more to come. Reading the stories of others struggles, wanting to say "I feel like that" or "I do that too!" but being to ashamed to be the first to put your hand up.

Well, let me reassure you here and now, there's not much that we haven't read about on here or done ourselves over the years.

We've laughed at stories of haphazard nights out, we've cried at the loss of loved ones and we've shared the pain that only an alcoholic knows when all that they want is to STOP!

Push the pause button, get off the ride, shut the door, bury yourself under the duvet for days. We've all felt that sickening feeling in our gut that makes us want to curl up and hide forever. And we've shared it all on here.

You see I don't know you and you don't know me, so we're just words on a screen to each other. Eventually, you'll get to know me more and I you, and the other fantastic Babes too, some will stay, some leave us, then some come back.

One thing I can PROMISE - here you are safe, here you won't be judged, turned away (unless you're not genuine) and we even have a huge stock of Opal Fruits but that's all down to Ma.

So, if you think we're you're kind of lovely bunch of people to help you stop drinking, slow down, hold your hand while you decide what to do, then come find a seat!

OUR MOST RECENT THREAD

AND A VERY SOBERING READ, THAT LEAD TO THE BIRTH OF THE THREADS THAT FOLLOWED

I love the beach on a blustery rainy day, go for it Faire (but do remember I'm sitting here in my office in mud spattered jeans and wellies from this mornings walk and I don't care, so my idea of fun may not be for everyone!).

The end is in sight with the kitchen, I may spend the WHOLE weekend cooking once I have wiped down and filled the cupboards, that'll keep me occupied.

Ma, what's he been doing?

Hope, I feel your pain, I'm back to day one, despite my chirpy fresh start on Monday

Ach, just being a self-pitying twat. Hasn't gone to work because he's "stressed" and worried about money and " can't cope". So that involves sitting looking miserable, being negative and of course, watching football because we can afford Sky Sports!
I have a horrible cough and feel like shit but have been at work. His constant negativity drags me down
hope are you feeling better tonight?
Hi to all the newbies and oldies and lurkers.

I'm in a hotel in Manchester with the kids. Visiting a much improved dad. dP at home in London and working. ma sorry about WBeriness. Long term relationships can be wearing can't they? My 5 year old DD Is recreating the gymnastics she saw on telly across the or of our family BB room. The people downstairs much appreciate that.

Or = floor. Too tired to type. Slow bus at the mo. all round.

Hi Pop star ... I am in Manchester (waves). Enjoy the city....

Ma, yes cos if you are worried about money best thing to do is act unreliable at work in an age of cutbacks and redundancy. Idiot. But then my WB works all hours on a business that essentially brings in next to no money. WTF!!!!

Still got post wine blues .... Am such am idiot. Had horrible nightmares last night and woke up terrified. Going to cinema with dd and a friend today. Planning a quiet one

It's empty on here. Has horrid baby doll got you all. Helloooo ?????

I'm still here. Waving from Manchester suburbs. I guess everyone is deep into half term and panicking about the hideous American hell of trick or treat preparing for the brilliant family fun that is Halloween.

I'm here.
WB and the boy are heading off to Liverpool for the weekend tomorrow. I am spending tomorrow having a spa day and sleepover with my bestie, Saturday pottering then watching the rugby, followed by the annual food porn which is the Christmas Good Food magazine. Not sure about Sunday yet. A whole weekend just for me!

Ok so where I everyone? I'm londonbound eating monster munch on the train home with DDs. ma hope you enjoy your solo weekend. hope Manchester is looking good these days I sometimes think about moving back to be near the parents but also think my mum would drive me insane. Was just looking at a 5 bedder with a separate cottage in wilmslow which is cheaper than my London terrace. That's properly wrong?

The bus is very quiet -as is my house right now. Total and utter bliss!

Enjoy Ma. Got WB to take dd to gymnastics tonight. About to watch Sherlock with ds. Just done his college applications. Eeek!

Popstar That is wrong isn't it? And Wilmslow is bloody posh. You could get a castle in less salubrious bits of the North. If we had castles. Northumberland is even cheaper, and beautiful... often think I would like to move there by the coast one day.

Hope you all have a good weekend (I have long day tomorrow with ds in national competition 3 bloody hours drive away, so off to relax)

Well, looks like the bus is busted! Can't remember it ever being so empty.
Forlornly hangs jack o lanterns and puts out treacle toffee in the hope of luring the babes out of hiding.

hope what does your ds compete in? Well I'll be lurking and posting today in between last minute pumpkin carving and hallowe'en ing. My DDs are still young enough to do the whole out in the street trick or treating. Off to see ridiculously expensive non castle this avo in S London.

Morning babes, been good on the alcohol front these days thankfully but will have a bottle of wine with a good friend tonight. We are having a takeaway as well so lots of water on the menu ??

Hello babes so sorry I haven't been around, am just so lethargic and lazy. I hope you're all doing okay?

babyj good to see you feeling positive - are you still taking the meds?

ma hope your weekend is going alright

And everyone else too, faire looking obrigada sweets anybody else I've missed

Sorry just too much to say and can't be bothered with it all [tired]

Hi babes.

Just checking in to say hi to everyone, really good to see our lovely joey and obrigada

Yes joey I'm still on meds and they doubled up a few days ago. They really knock me out and I'm so tired the next morning it's made me lazy and slovenly, subsequently have a crap body image just now. I know I need to excercise both to feel better and stronger and look better which of course will make me feel better. I miss my wee "highs" and im having to adjust from being either moody and depressed or euphoric, I'm trying to find my middle gear. I'm still sober and hopeful despite the tablets slowing me down, I'll find new, more realistic ways to live life in a more balanced way with less exhausting mood swings. Thank you for thinking of me.

ma I hope your having a lovely evening and you too obrigada.

Sending hugs for all who need one, your all amazing xxxx

That thing when you can't sleep cos your 15 year old is not yet home from his first Halloween house party with alcohol.. that one

joey are you OK? You sound so down.
hope I presume he made it back OK?
obrigada good to see you again and you too baby
I had a quiet evening and early bed. Today's plans include painting the radiator ( which I have been saying since April) and visiting dad and enjoying the last of the quiet before they come back

I've been on and off this lovely thread for years, posting under various names. Reading dear Mouse's opening post to this latest one has brought tears to my eyes. I just can't seem to kick the booze; I can be sober for a few weeks or months and then I start again, slowly at first, until I'm doing a bottle every other night or even every night and I wake up in the morning wanting so so badly to be like other people who wake up in the morning without cotton wool in their brains and a day of self-loathing and recrimination ahead of them.

I'm 58 years old. I lost my darling dad a couple of months ago, my baby brother has incurable cancer and my other brother is a hopeless headcase. DD is nearly 16 and I'm raising her alone and I love her fiercely. We all have complicated lives and I can cope with that. But I'll kill myself (and possibly somebody else) if I carry on this way, either because I crash my car because I've been drink-driving or the booze will kick-start a cancer or my poor old liver will just shrivel up and die. But I love the way booze makes me feel and every time I have a drink, I can't imagine living life without it. I want to be like Mouse and all the others here who have made a life for themselves that is true and pure. It's day 1 again. And I feel a glimmer of hope.

He's home safely. Obviously more sensible and reliable than me.

Day 1 here after party last night with good friends where I didn't over drink but was aware of having to rein myself in iyswim. WB stayed sober as kids out and about so had the added incentive of not giving him rope to hang me with as he was already in a mood at having to go out and be sociable (not saying he's miserable but put it this way, he doesn't have to dress up to embody Halloween ...)

Anyway. Sober November if I can do it. Anyone with me ? Feeling depressed today for no real reason. I have good friends, healthy kids, no current money worries... Think it is really down to me and alcohol. WB is back to being a miserable fecker and work stressful but it's when I drink I can't cope. Reading back over my posts I know this is true. I binge drink to quiet the anxiety that builds in my head as I try to be superwoman and it multiplies by 100 the next day when I realise I lost control. The citalopram doesn't help much. Any tips from you therapy babes would be good. Just can't stick to the meditation.... Head chatter.

Oh MrsM, cross posted there. Your post sounds just like how I feel often, though you have very hard things to cope with that are not in my life at this time. So sorry about your dad and brother. You sound lovely, and brave. Sit next to me. Shall we just try to get through today together for now? Will pop in to see how you are doing later x

And you sound lovely and brave too Hope. My 15 year old was at a party with booze too but went back to her dad's afterwards. Hope she doesn't follow in my footsteps....Have a good day, will check back later too x

Morning babes,

looking my daughter has just turned 16 and was also at a party last night with booze. I can honestly say I have as much worry with the older girl as I do with my 5 year old, yes they are different issues but I think my older girl needs me every bit as much as the wee one. My girl is sensible (unlike me) and her and all her close friends happen to look like super models, we come from a small village so despite being strikingly beautiful young women who thinks their parents know nothing they are really fairly naive kids in a world where booze AND drugs are so accessible. Despite my issues I have always tried to be a good mum and I can only hope that her loving upbringing will keep her on the right path. My mantra to her is I will give her freedom and respect and trust but if she messes up and throws it back in our face that then she will lose all of that. I'm lucky she seems to still value that and therefore has never caused me one iota of trouble (despite being cheeky and lazy at times). I'm also hugely humbled that every time I fuck up and drink myself into oblivion for days, she always manages to forgive me, over time trusts me again and I'm very proud of her for that, she has seen her Mother in states I have never saw my own Mother and for that I will always be sad but I often think I spend the rest of my time overcompensating and maybe spoiling her a little too much. Truly believe I have turned out this way because I was brought up in a gilded cage, I was idolised and taught and saw nothing of the hardship of life. An adored only child, my journey into adulthood with loss, diagnosis of Crohns, divorce and mental illness has been very hard to deal with as I have no coping skills, I'm very very sensitive and a childlike expectation that everything will be ok and everyone is kind and it's not the case, que white wine!!!! My escape, my detachment from pain, hurt, disappointment, the golden elixir which brings warmth to the soul and as quickly as it rescued me it became my Captor, the cruellest of them all.

Welcome back mrs, you need to stop whacking yourself with that stick. I suspect the only person you've hurt so far is yourself, try not to look too far ahead, I once couldn't have gotten through one night without wine, the Emmerdale chimes was blissful music in my ears, the beginning of my joyous bottle, maybe 2 and now I can go 6 or 7 weeks dry. So far it has always ended in an enormous binge, we all drink too much to hide from our lives, escape from our own chaos, hide or sadness or disappointment in our lives or to push away the hurt we feel or the just plain tediousness of it all. It's all too much to figure out at once so just start with one day, your liver is replenishing as you read this so drink lots of water and try and get out for some fresh air. We are all fighting the same fight so keep posting and be kind to yourself xxxxx

I guess that goes for all of us xxxx

Wonderful, wonderful post baby powerful stuff. Love the golden elixir becoming the captor.
welcome mrsm. As you can see, people here understand.