The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Waving Goodbye To Summer Nights, Sipping Mocktails.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse Welcome to the Bus. :)

Well, it would appear that Autumn is on it's way I have the heating on and can't wait to use the log burner.... shhh!

So, who are we? We're just like you. Married, single, divorced, lots of children or no children, working or a SAHM, it doesn't matter, we all breathe the same air.....

We're just trying to live our lives on the Bus, like you do each day. Well, except for one thing...

I know don't start my day with a swig, or seven, from a litre bottle of vodka (choose your poison) any longer.

And that's what has kept me here, for years now. And no doubt many more to come. Reading the stories of others struggles, wanting to say "I feel like that" or "I do that too!" but being to ashamed to be the first to put your hand up.

Well, let me reassure you here and now, there's not much that we haven't read about on here or done ourselves over the years.

We've laughed at stories of haphazard nights out, we've cried at the loss of loved ones and we've shared the pain that only an alcoholic knows when all that they want is to STOP!

Push the pause button, get off the ride, shut the door, bury yourself under the duvet for days. We've all felt that sickening feeling in our gut that makes us want to curl up and hide forever. And we've shared it all on here.

You see I don't know you and you don't know me, so we're just words on a screen to each other. Eventually, you'll get to know me more and I you, and the other fantastic Babes too, some will stay, some leave us, then some come back.

One thing I can PROMISE - here you are safe, here you won't be judged, turned away (unless you're not genuine) and we even have a huge stock of Opal Fruits but that's all down to Ma.

So, if you think we're you're kind of lovely bunch of people to help you stop drinking, slow down, hold your hand while you decide what to do, then come find a seat!

OUR MOST RECENT THREAD

AND A VERY SOBERING READ, THAT LEAD TO THE BIRTH OF THE THREADS THAT FOLLOWED

I am now coveting pink tights too hope. I'm wearing blue but they have a bloody hole in that I only noticed after if left for work. I'm going to do a recce to next in my lunch hour in search of new jazzy tights but fear they will only have sensible grey cable knits. Feeling more balanced on day 2. It's amazing what 24 hours minus alcohol can do to your mood eh?

Nice pic ma.

Realised this morning that kids have nits. After five years bit free. Arghhhh

Bit = nit. Doh.

Hope, EVERYONE should have shocking pink tights! Unfortunately, just as I was leaving the house, I discovered a hole in the knee, so I am in navy blue wooly one - with turquoise and purple spots . Pop, M&S have been disappointing so far this year - only greys, blacks and browns, next stop Debenhams and John Lewis.

Ma too much choice.

Morning all. May I join please? I'm sick of alcohol ruining everything in my life. I've pushed everyone away. Saturday night I did something awful when I was out. When I get drunk when I'm out I make a complete and utter fool of myself, I turn into a monster. I've given myself a reputation, I come from a small town and people don't want to know me anymore. I have no one, I'm not very close to my family either.
I drink a bottle and a half every other night. Some weeks every night, and on the weekends when my dh is home I will drink even more. I've been doing this for 7 years. I've only taken a month off twice in 7 years. I've lost all confidence in myself, I've become a recluse, I'm so paranoid about what people think of me. I've let my kids down.
It stops this week.
I've booked in to see a therapist , and I'm considering AA but I'm incredibly shy and struggle opening up to people. I've never been good in social situations which is why I neck so much.
I'm having a good read through the threads and I've ordered a few books which have been recommend. Sorry for sounding really miserable , I'm feeling seriously stupid and sorry for myself at the moment.

Welcome onboard, Wasted, you've made a really positive, brave step. It is ironic, that so many of us drink (in part) to relieve social anxiety, when ultimately all it does is increase it. You will find lots of lovely support and help here, we don't mind you getting all those negative feelings out, so never apologise for doing it.

I haven't done AA, for similar reasons to you - I don't find those kind of group situations comfortable, but perhaps you will feel more confident once you have spent more time with your therapist/councillor?

Hello,

I think I need to join this. The drinking has crept up, and OH and I have said let this be day 1 of sorting ourselves out. It tends to be a bottle of wine in the evening, which is creeping up to two; or just having 'one more' in the pub, and a feeling of low-level tiredness and irritability the next day.

Rather a lot of issues around alcohol, and I cannot countenance ending up like my mother. Situation massively complex, so will bulletpoint:

• L. had me at 18, drank through pregnancy. Left me on landing at two days old to go clubbing. Grandfather found me a day later, raised with him.

• L's next child she kept, two after that were adopted together.

• Next 2, kept for several years. The drinking increased, they were adopted together, whilst other placed in foster care.

• L meets husband. 5 more followed. Social workers now removing them from hospital at this point. 3 adopted together, 1 adopted on own, and last one died within days of birth. No more children.

Needless to say, none of us (with one exception) have anything to do with our birth mother! I found out at the weekend when I visited two of my younger brothers (we've always maintained some sort of contact) that the three that were adopted together very likely have foetal alcohol syndrome. Certainly, they have behavioral issues that are consistent with it, and it is a rather large coincidence for all 3 to have similar issues. Apparently, the issues split up their adoptive parents, and their mother is on a downward slide doing stuff like going to the area of their birth mother with the children. Crazy.

My grandfather drank, and drank, and drank. Physical violence. He's now in sheltered accommodation, and a lonely old man.

I went into foster care at 16 for two years, and managed to do my A-Levels.

Last week I passed my PhD (no corrections, thrilled to bits). It's a bit surreal: people from my background don't go to university, and they certainly don't get PhD's.

So now I want there to be a change. There is much to look forward to. We own our little house, have two dogs, have a good life. I am now beginning to look for academic jobs.

Whilst my own drinking is not in the out of control category, I am certainly aware that there are massive issues contributing to it. I don't know if I want to stop completely or be moderate. I am sure that, for now, stopping is the best way to go and we shall see. I fear that because of my background a 'normal' relationship with alcohol may just not be possible.

Thought this thread would be a starting point as I work through it all. Today, I am going for a nice long walk with the dogs and then looking at what jobs I can apply for :)

Godstopper, you are amazing, and you need to stay that way . Recognising that need to reassess your drinking is a good start, and being able to do it with OH alongside you is great.

I thought for a long time that my drinking wasn't a problem, very refined, middle class drinking, felt a bit tired but didn't get hangovers. Then I realised that I had in fact had a hangover for years, I just kept it topped up for so long I forgot what not being hungover was like. And it doesn't matter if those 10 units in a night came from a £20 Sancerre or a bottle of Blue Nun, it's still too much.

Enjoy your walk, sit down with The Guardian Jobs, then come and chat some more.

Thanks for the welcome , my plan at the minute is to have more alcohol free days than days where I am drinking . I have been trying to get fit and lose weight which the booze is obviously not helping . I always thought my drinking was fine but I know that if my children have to be collected in the car or dropped off anywhere after tea time then my first thought is the fact that I will have to wait until later to have a drink and then I am grumpy about it .

The drinking every day has crept up on me and I don't sleep very well and I feel tired a lot of the time and I am sure that the booze plays a role in that I am sure .

I have been reading over the thread and I am feeling all motivated , I recognise myself in a lot of what you are all saying and I have ordered one of the books recommended earlier in the thread .

Oh yes and I didn't have any alcohol yesterday so that's a start .

I just need an alcohol free day to be my "normal" I suppose and having a drink is "special" rather than the other way round which it is at the minute .

Thank you Sweetlathyrus .. Hi Howlongtillbedtime I have similar thought patterns, I'm so ashamed but the kids missed out on so many after school clubs because of my drinking. For the last year or so I've made a massive effort to get them to various things after school. But my anxiety is awful, I would have to have a bottle waiting.

My dc have witnessed me in some seriously awful states involving emergency services, I've nearly had social services called in.
I drank when dc were in bed instead and never around them in the day. I'm f*ing awful, I never gave up for them completely.

I haven't had a drink since Saturday night. I've downloaded a Sobriety app. I spent all day Sunday, yesterday and most of today sleeping. Think my body wants to catch up . I have so much to do , but it will have to wait, I haven't even got the strength to walk my woofers, I'm dreading the bloody school run, I know most of the Mums will know about the drama I got myself into on the weekend.

Good luck with the school run wasted , everyone makes a fool of themselves sometimes , hold your head high and be proud you are making a change .

How is every doing this evening? I've just got in, and I'm sitting down with an AF larger, feeling ok about it. I know that come tomorrow morning, I won't be thinking "I wish I'd had a bottle glass of wine last night."

Where are *Small and Khalisi these days?

And Spanna?

Evening all , I am having a free evening again tonight , I do fancy a glass of something but I am not going to . I am going to cook and have some fizzy water instead .

Thanks SweetLathyrus

That's exactly it with the middle-class drinking. Looking aghast at the regulars who, no matter what time of day or night you enter, are in the local drinking cheap lager; and then thinking you cannot be that bad as you down an expensive wine. Clearly, your body does not know that, and the effects are just the same.

Now stocked up with various fizzy cordials.

Appear to have been spending somewhere between £150-£200 a month on booze. Aghast.

I use 'I'm done drinking' to track my AF days, it also tots up how much you haven't spent,

I'm turning in already, long day, and lots of lost sleep to catch up on.

pop what kickstarted it was

1. the end of the school holidays, a new school year, a new start
2. getting back into a daily, good, healthy routine
3. shared motivation with others doing dry September
4. not having too many social commitments over the next few weeks
5. having a good, long stretch before Christmas to get some good weight loss
6. trying something new
7. wanting to change something
8. having an achievable target
9. remembering the saying 'if you get some sober momentum, don't fuck it up'

Welcome to new posters joining us. If I had to give just one tip, I would say keep posting, no matter what.

If you tried something and failed, if you have got out of the habit of posting, if you are too shy or feel ashamed, it matters not. We can only help each other if we are here and no-one will ever judge you. You are always welcome, we're always pleased to see everyone and hear what's going on for you.

Never give up trying. All those false starts, all those day 1's, all those groundhog days - record it all here. Your fears, worries, hopes or just the day to day stuff that we all struggle with sometimes. You'll get there in the end if you just keep trying

Hi all
This is not the name that you know me under.
But I thought I would pop in to let you know that one of the former bus riders bproud is celebrating a fantastic achievement and milestone today.

She is 5
5 years sober, with amazing help from people on this bus in the early days.

So - it can and does happen.
I am so very very proud of her. And proud to be her friend.

Happy birthday my lovely friend.
Well done, and I raise my lime and soda to the next 5.

Well done to bproud I raise my mug of peppermint tea

I remember bproud! Very well one and great to hear of a success story.

Thank
You what wonderful inspiration. faire thanks for your post in answer to my question. We are all in this together old babes and new.

Bproud that's absolutely brilliant news and thankyou to your mystery friend for letting us know. I remember your posts, so upbeat and encouraging, you really are an inspirataion

Morning All,

Five years is such an amazing achievement, thank you for letting us know.

Faire, you are doing pretty darned well yourself, I'm going to hold on to the 'don't fuck it up' as tight as I can this time.

I am very guilty of slinking away when I feel bad, and can't even get past one morning, even though I know that I need to be posting more! But even those day one and day twos add up. Two years ago I hadn't had more than a week of AF day in total since DS was about a year old, (he's 13 now. Then last year, I found Gerald and the Babes, and probably managed about a month, maybe six weeks (though only ever a few days or a week at a time). This year, though I am back to day three now, I can count almost 150 days AF (including a 71 day stretch).

I would like to think that this is the start of another long stint of abstinence, but at the moment, I'm trying to avoid projecting, and just get to the end of today. I had lots of lovely sleep yesterday, which helps my resolve, and I'm going to the theatre tonight, so I'm already visualising ordering lime and soda for the interval and offering to drive.

In early days of sobriety how did people cope at social events? Especially anxiety sufferers ? I have a baby shower coming up which I can not avoid, it wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't held in a pub on a Saturday, I know it's going to be a piss up, the organisers are big drinkers and spend alot of time at their local pub. I really do not want to go, it's my brother's partner so totally unavoidable, I wont know anyone other that my own mother who I'm not at all close to (VERY long story). Oh and the expecting Mum.
Wish the doc would give me some medication to calm my anxiety , he made me feel so stupid and suggested hypnotherapy to sort my social phobia out .