Questions to ask a 'mistress'

[tyres]

If you were to write a letter asking a series of questions to your partner's mistress, what would you ask?

I'm interested in questions from both perspectives, ie those who have had affairs and those who's partner is having or has had an affair.

I wouldn't.

Apologies this has been posted in the wrong section. I have asked for it to be moved to relationships.

We'll pop this over to Relationships now for the OP.

I also wouldn't, nothing she will say will make you feel better, just potentially a lot worse.

From experience, resist the temptation to ask, it is for the best in the long run.

Why are you asking? Are you writing a novel?

Also, if I were a mistress, I wouldn't answer your questions. I owe you nothing.

Journalist?

If I were the mistress I would consider answering but I'm not sure I would because I don't think any of my answers would make you feel better. They would likely just make you feel worse.

What do you want to ask his mistress and why haven't you prefaced partner with 'ex'?

OP, you haven't posted anything since 2009, and you've put no context in your request at all. So you look like a (lazy) journalist.

FWIW - my advice to anyone thinking of questions to ask a woman who sleep with their husband, is save all your questions for the cheating arsehole that you married.

You can put that in your freelance article for free

Are you doing market research for your new business whereby you write letters to/from mistresses for a small fee? Sort of like angry pen pals?

The purpose wouldn't be to make me feel better, it is more along the lines of have you thought of all the short and long term implications of having an affair.

I'm not a journalist or writing a novel, just to clear that up early on.

I expect she has and I expect she doesn't care.

Besides, the contract isn't with her. It's with between the cheating husband and his wife.

I am using an old posting name.

Well if it was me I definitely wouldn't answer that.
Because I think, while you think about the implications but wouldn't think they apply because you don't intend to get caught so they would never become relevant.
I don't think anyone goes into being the OW with the intention of getting caught.

So the letter would just seem like a way of trying to make the OW feel guilty. And if they don't feel guilty already then a letter isn't going to change that.

But why on earth are you interested in an OW's thought processes on the 'short and longterm implications' of her affair? You sound as if you want her to fill in a mortgage application.

And yes, sounds like a novel.

definiteissues, thanks for interesting reply. The intention is not make the OW feel guilty, just that I genuinely think she has not considered what might happen long term eg children, finances etc.

That's not really her problem though...

Very few people think long term in their sexual relationships.

If the OW were faced with, say, a bank statement from her future, she's not going to go oh shit, I'll dump this married man. Is she?

ToGoBoldly, it would very much be her problem. She would be involved in bringing up children who are not hers and be expected to see them on a regular basis.

Morris, you're right, I don't think she is thinking long term with regard to her sexual relationship.

So has the bloke left the wife for the mistress then?
That would be slightly different, I don't know why I assumed it was a "secret didn't intend to leave but got caught" type of a thing.

If I was the mistress in that case I'd probably still not directly answer it but I'd send the guy back to the writer of the letter and tell her to it isn't any of her business what I have and have not considered and to stop sending letters.

I'd assume it was her trying to exercise control over my life and make out that I was some misguided idiot who is unable to think of anything other than sex.

You're giving her power by writing to her. You are showing her you think she's a threat and you are giving her the chance to not reply to your questions, which would leave you feeling worse.

What does your husband say in answer to your questions?

If you're not a journo, why are you asking? Why are you faking other people to share their thoughts when you don't share your own? What do you want to achieve? Are you personally trying to keep a cheating husband by warning off his lover with takes of how it's not so much fun when she has to sit up all night with one of your kids and a bottle of Calpol?