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Relationships

So - DH thinks it's my wifely duty to have sex with him even when I don't feel like it.

81 replies

LikeIcan · 01/09/2015 11:38

How do I deal with this attitude?

OP posts:

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SomeonesRealName · 01/09/2015 22:19

He doesn't want to oil her wheels though theydontknow, he's a nasty piece of work who hates women.

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Londonmummy01 · 02/09/2015 00:07

OP I haven't even read the whole thread but have been in your position. Dp would never physically force but try to bully me into submission by "if you loved me you would please me even if you dont fancy it" I'm just learning this was a warning op (see previous mc thread) Sorry this is happening for you. X

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SirsKitten · 03/09/2015 10:21

Unless the situation were a relationship dynamic which you had agreed and consented to, then his behaviour is abusive.
Reminds me very much of my ex. He was the same, he wasn't interested in anything other than getting off, and if I refused, he either sulked, became verbally abusive, or I was forced.

If he didn't sound like such a dick, I'd suggest working to find a mutually beneficial solution, whereby you both get your needs met. There are many ways other than penetrative sex to give your SO pleasure.
BUT, his attitude sucks, if he truly cared, he wouldn't be metaphorically stamping his feet like a petulant child.

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Inexperiencedchick · 03/09/2015 10:57

His mild verbal abuse will turn to strong one, you just wait and see, if you want.

His understanding is "give and take". I do things for her, she owes me sex.

And I've been in your shoes and have asked a man just to spend time together without sex. He said no, as there was no sex he couldn't bother about my existence in his life at all.

And I lost my interest in getting closer to him due to his mild verbal abuse.
That mild abuse turned wild by the end.

The best outcome here might be a break up. Or he goes and does counselling in order to understand his behaviour. But I doubt he will change.

There should be some men in this world who actually create the pleasant atmosphere for women in their lives to have sex and enjoy intimacy with them. Your DH probably is not one of them.

So sorry you are in this position.

Your son is 15, perfectly grown up. He will understand.

Think everything through before making any decision.

It's sad, and I feel for you.

I bet you are completely worn out on an emotional level... I'm really sorry.

Biggest hug, x

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IrianofWay · 03/09/2015 11:39

Oh my dear, he's right! Because you know he'll have an affair if you don't. It's your job to keep him happy. Men just can't help themselves the poor mindless darlings ....

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SolidGoldBrass · 03/09/2015 14:25

OP (and other women married to woman-hating rapists) would be a lot safer if their selfish DPs would just have affairs on the grounds that they are not 'getting enough at home.'

I think that, unless you have your plans to leave/throw him out firmly in place, it's not a good idea to tell him that you have lost all sexual interest in him. If you can stall for a while and close your ears to the nagging and whining, it's probably safer - if you tell him, once and for all, that you don't want sex with him, he might decide to give up the pretence of 'asking' and simply rape you whenever he wishes. TBH men like this escalate to outright, painful rape sooner or later anyway, either because your pain and fear and tears make it more exciting for them or because they simply don't consider you to be human: you're a collection of holes they can stick their dicks in and all they have to do is hold or tie you down until they've had enough.