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Original poster

contact after first online date?

59 replies

violet1300 · 31/08/2015 16:16

Hi everyone,

Could really do with some advice. Went on a first date on Friday with a man I met online (my first ever online date) and I think it went really well. We kissed and arranged on the date to see each other again on Weds.

I'm currently trying to stop my anxiety from taking over, because he hasn't said a word to me since the night of the date! I know this might seem like an overreaction but I have never dated a man who doesn't indulge in some 'between date' text conversations... surely its a great time to get to know each other a bit better so we are even more comfortable with each other by the next date?

I did text him straight after our date on Friday to say I had a good time, and he replied saying he did too, and that's the last I've heard from him.

Shall I get in touch? I could wait until tomorrow and just get in touch to make plans for Weds I suppose, but I am really worried that his lack of urge to chat means that he isn't that keen.

I wonder if he is having second thoughts because he is 11 years older than me. The age gap also gives me anxiety that maybe he just does things
differently to men my age, and I'm stressing about nothing!!

Apologies if I sound completely irrational. Just out of a long term relationship with a very sad breakup, and feeling very naive and stupid in the world of dating!!

OP posts:
iwantgin · 31/08/2015 16:21

Just wait until tomorrow - to make plans for Wednesday.

You both texted to say you had had a good first meet - and have agreed to meet up on Wednesday.

He may not be in the habit of texting very often - it's a good way to organise things, but not everyone likes to message without a particular reason.

Just wait and see. Have you discussed where/what Wednesday's date will be?

Supermanspants · 31/08/2015 16:24

What was your text contact like before the date? Who suggested meeting on Wednesday?

something2say · 31/08/2015 16:26

I too would not text him. It seems that people go on dates like yours and then never hear from the person again!!! Yet it seemed alright on the night etc. I'd wait and see how keen he is. The lack of texting is, as you say, a strange one and if it bodes as the shape of things to come, then do not start to hang your heart on this man. X

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 31/08/2015 16:29

What was the frequency and pattern of contact before the date?

pinkfrocks · 31/08/2015 16:29

Definitely do not text him. If HE suggested meeting on Weds then he ball is in his court.
How was it suggested? Did you talk about where you would meet?
TBH if he has not contacted you by lunchtime Tuesday or maybe by the evening, I'd assume it's all off. Personally I don't like last minute confirmations (male or female!) as I like to know where I stand. If he contact you on Wednesday I'd be half tempted to say you assumed it wasn't on and had made other plans.

Original poster
violet1300 · 31/08/2015 16:33

We messaged a few times online before agreeing to meet, after I agreed to a date he did stop sending chatty messages with lots of questions and his messages became quite functional, sorting out the details for the date. So I wonder if that's just his way... I do find it strange though. If he really liked me, wouldn't he be wondering what I was up to, and so on? Or am I getting ahead of myself?
To be honest I really can't remember exactly who said what regarding meeting up again... I remember him saying he wanted to meet up again soon and I said I was free on Wednesday so I guess he could have just meant it as a vague thing and then I was too keen.
We haven't discussed where or when our date on Weds will be, so I do need to ask him about that at some point. I'm just wondering whether to send him a quick text now and ask how his weekend was... just test the waters..?

OP posts:
Original poster
violet1300 · 31/08/2015 16:35

oh no I really don't want this to be a case of disappearing man. I was so pleasantly surprised by how much I liked him and how much fun I had on the date! I really can't be bothered to go back on OD and have more banal conversations with random men... it's so tiring..

OP posts:
loveyoutothemoon · 31/08/2015 16:35

Why leave it to him?

Original poster
violet1300 · 31/08/2015 16:38

well that's what I'm wondering. But I don't know if it's normal to not chat between dates at this early stage. I don't want to put him off because I am not au fait with dating...

OP posts:
DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 31/08/2015 16:38

No contact since your last date, no firm arrangements for a second date, he's not that interested, sorry.

Supermanspants · 31/08/2015 16:43

Text him and ask him where he wants to meet on Wednesday and what time. based on that you will probably get a better idea.

If you are going to OD then get used to disappearing men.

pinkfrocks · 31/08/2015 16:44

The problem with OD is that it's sweeties in the sweet shop; men still look and wonder if there is something more tasty out there. He may be keeping his options open and waiting to see if he can pull someone else and if not he will contact you last minute. It doesn't sound as if the date was really a date at all- just a suggestion. Most men would say they'd call before Weds and firm up the plans.

Original poster
violet1300 · 31/08/2015 16:48

he did say 'can't wait for weds' as part of his reply to my message on friday, but this was immediately after the date. If the next morning he had second thoughts, then that makes sense. I can see he's been online on the dating site because I went online as well to show his profile to a friend.
I've been to optimistic haven't I?!
Dammit. I wonder if I was really ready for this. I assumed it would be like normal dating but there's a whole other realm of issues that come with meeting complete strangers I suppose

OP posts:
Original poster
violet1300 · 31/08/2015 16:49

He seemed so keen on the date itself. I know this means nothing... but still. He seemed so normal as well!

OP posts:
Trills · 31/08/2015 16:49

If you want to meet up, text him and suggest something.

pinkfrocks · 31/08/2015 16:49

Hold your fire. If you really really want to, text him on Weds and ask if you were confused or is the date on? Be preapred for no reply or an excuse though.

Trills · 31/08/2015 16:51

You are feeling stressed that he has not texted you since Friday, but neither have you.

You are wondering what he has been up to since he's been on the online dating site, but so have you.

ImperialBlether · 31/08/2015 16:53

I would take it that the date for Wednesday wasn't on, tbh. I'm sorry. I just think if someone was keen, they would have been in touch.

Original poster
violet1300 · 31/08/2015 16:57

Trills, yes I know thats why I'm wondering whether to text now. But the advice here seems to be write it off! I would be more comfortable with texting him to make plans for Weds if I was hearing that it was normal not to chat between dates in the early stages. Regardless, I will probably text him tomorrow just to find out if we are still on.
I agree that if he was keen, he would have been in touch. I have never dated a man who was genuinely keen who didn't make a big effort to chat and get to know me as much as possible, via text or email or whatever, in between seeing each other in person.

OP posts:
SilverBirchWithout · 31/08/2015 16:59

Maybe he is in the same quandary as you? I would send a short chatty text and see how he responds.

Egghead68 · 31/08/2015 17:02

It's a bank holiday weekend. He may have been away and busy with other things. Text him tomorrow and ask if he's still up for meeting and if so where. He'll either reply or he won't.

Coolforthesummer · 31/08/2015 17:03

Well if he hasn't contacted you all weekend I would take it he isn't interested sorry.

If you are still in angst over it you could text today and say, hi how was your weekend, and see if he replies. (I wouldn't myself.)

AWayToGo · 31/08/2015 17:06

If he's interested he'll get in touch; if he's not, he won't. Don't put all your eggs in one basket; plenty more fish and all that.

loveyoutothemoon · 31/08/2015 17:06

Disagree with drgoogle. Just text him with an idea as to where you could go. Not just the blokes job, it takes two.

Gymbunny1204 · 31/08/2015 17:07

You have had one date and already this man is taking up far too much energy.

Do you want to see him again? If yes, text him. Say you are looking forward to seeing him on Wednesday and you were thinking x o'clock at local bar. You can have a drink while you decide what you want to do.

You can then go from there.