contact after first online date?

[violet1300]

Hi everyone,

Could really do with some advice. Went on a first date on Friday with a man I met online (my first ever online date) and I think it went really well. We kissed and arranged on the date to see each other again on Weds.

I'm currently trying to stop my anxiety from taking over, because he hasn't said a word to me since the night of the date! I know this might seem like an overreaction but I have never dated a man who doesn't indulge in some 'between date' text conversations... surely its a great time to get to know each other a bit better so we are even more comfortable with each other by the next date?

I did text him straight after our date on Friday to say I had a good time, and he replied saying he did too, and that's the last I've heard from him.

Shall I get in touch? I could wait until tomorrow and just get in touch to make plans for Weds I suppose, but I am really worried that his lack of urge to chat means that he isn't that keen.

I wonder if he is having second thoughts because he is 11 years older than me. The age gap also gives me anxiety that maybe he just does things
differently to men my age, and I'm stressing about nothing!!

Apologies if I sound completely irrational. Just out of a long term relationship with a very sad breakup, and feeling very naive and stupid in the world of dating!!

I agree it's common so be prepared. I have done it myself, where the date has been fine, we have agreed to meet again then 24 hours later I'm not so keen. Not even for any particular reason.

I kind of get it, the disappearing. I had an OLD recently and it went great, honestly, chatted so easily, but now i think, what next? pretend we're actually like a real girlfriend and boyfriend . No. Possibly it just wasn't right enough and it would be a forced sort of intimacy to go ahead and have a second date straight away.

And texting to arrange a date is not being needy, it is being normal.

Exactly.

Don't overthink it, or try to work out what he's thinking.

Do you want to see him again? If you do, txt him with a suggested plan. He will either say yes, no, or not respond. Any of those and you'll have your answer.

If you want something, be proactive. If he, or any man, is put off by that, he's probably not much of a loss.

Stop with the silly games. If you want to see him tomorrow text him what I said. This is an awful lot of angst over someone you have seen ONCE. He could be feeling nervous, he could have changed his mind, he could be a player but you won't know if you don't text him NORMALLY.

just in case anyone is interested, we text, he said some really nice things, we are going out tomorrow. he is still going online on the dating site so I am taking everything with a big pinch of salt, but he hasn't disappeared JUST yet! thanks for all the advice everyone. I'm going to take a step back and keep it casual until I know him a bit better, you've all given me lots to think about.

Glad it's working well

he is still going online on the dating site

In order for you to know that, you must be going on it to, so it will look exactly the same to him, that you are still going online on the dating site. :)

It's pretty normal to keep going onto an OD site in the early days of dating someone. Try not to read anything into that. OD is a minefield so you really do need to develop a thick skin. Glad you are seeing him tomorrow

so who texted first this time, OP? he likes you but keeps his options open, and so should you. Try and meet others at least just for a coffee and just for variety as you are in danger obsessing. It won't get easier after your second date, as that's your tendency!

Great news OP! Hope that you have fun tonight. I echo the "rhino hide" comments from pp but remember not to take things personally. Finding the right person is hard but once you've found them, it's easy.

Imperial OH didn't give a reason for not getting in touch at the time. However, now I know him, it's easy to understand. I have to remind him to do most essential things nowadays!