ive name changed for this thread.
im an old hand on here.
basically i need some advice though i think i already know the answer.
a year ago i met someone who i just totally fell for in a way that was new to me completely.
i was married. the strength of my feelings meant the only option for me was to end a very very long marriage and move into my own place. it was rash but the right thing totally. my children are adult.
the man i fell for wasnt so rash. he was in a long term relationship too, felt the same way though he took a lot longer to end his relationship. he is currently doing that and selling his house etc.
he was on/off more times than i care to count and was very conflicted though in the end he said he couldnt live without me and so ended his relationship as i said i would not be the other woman.
we are totally different personalities but i am in love with the man and there is nothing i can do to change how i feel.
when he sorts things we will be free to have a relationship. we both want that. His relationship wasnt good and he and his partner lived quite seperate lives.
he has no children and has made it clear that he would like to have a child with me.
the issue is that he isnt making plans with me. When his house sells he intends to get his own place and for me to keep mine on until we see if we could live together - all very sensible.
im not a youngster - time isnt on my side to have a child. i have two adult children already and i know what having a child means. he seems to have got caught up in the romance of the idea and while i would gladly try for a child with him his actions arent saying he wants that.
his plans are being made completely independently of me. he has basically said he will buy a house and i can move in to his house - nothing is being discussed or jointly planned.
under the circumstances i dont feel i can contemplate children without some commitment - and for me that means planning together. There is none of that.
i veer wildly between thinking bollocks, just go for it to whoa...to no way. He isnt making me feel secure. When i say this he says there is no need to feel that way. He has said he wouldnt feel trapped but he is a man who needs his own space and ive explained that would all go out of the window. this didnt phase him but he just doesnt seem committed. when ive said this i get nothing in response. He is selfish....he has only ever had himself to consider. i dont think he has a clue what he would be letting himself in for. He is intolerant and moody but that has never bothered me. i accept him totally for who he is though im not sure he feels the same - i know there are aspects of my personality that annoy him and he doesnt "get" me - he gets me wrong a lot of the time. It doesnt bother me. He is getting better at hearing me and being more tolerant.
i think to be in a position to consider this we would need to be planning together - jointly buying a house, planning together yet he seems to want to make all the decisions and for me to fall in with them.
he is also an oddball. i know this and i knew it all along. Not one of my friends can see what i see in him but of course i see a totally different side to him than they do. i am getting older and i know i have a very limited window of opportunity now if ever.
i feel he loves me. He just doesnt know how to be a couple. part of me thinks if we had a child he would fall in love with that child and things would naturally evolve.
part of me thinks im bonkers to even consider it. yet i know if i dont, and soon, thats that. i would do it more for him than for me - ive done it and brought up two wonderful people. id love another baby but equally i am enjoying my freedom now.
go on. give it to me straight. im so confused now i cant think straight.