I don't understand his actions

[Inexperiencedchick]

Don't want to sound a drama queen but it bothers me...

There is a 50 y.o. man living in the flat I'm in at the moment. He is a lodger temporarily. Landlady asked me if I mind, I didn't as long as person doesn't disturb me. So he moved in.

He is a friend of her friend. They were good, talking and he was offering her coffee in the evening and so on...
Then the landlady once invited me to the kitchen, we had a little chat and I went back toy room.
He once asked me if I want something from the shop, so i ordered some chocolates. I paid for them. Next time he goes to shop and buys again, I haven't asked. I offer money he says it's a gift and he will be upset if I don't take. I took although didn't want to... And from MN I know that it's abuse to say if you don't take I will be upset.
He then started to knock my door... First time: "I don't remember how washing machine works, can you show me?" Although he made some repair work to the WM couple of days before that. That eve I was emotional and in tears, he saw my face when I opened the door, didn't say "ohsorry you are not in the right mood, I will come later" so I went and showed how to use it. I had no idea that the LL actually showed him few times how to use the WM.

Next time again knocking in the door after 10pm, I opened the door, he explained it saying he doesn't understand why WM doesn't work even if he did everything right. I went to the kitchen with him and pushed the door of the WM harder and it started working.

Before the second knocking I found myself under the analysis when I was hanging my washing on the rope outside, and I felt uncomfortable. He was watching me from my back. Before that I was in the kitchen having a dinner and felt bad when I was washing my plate, because he was asking some questions about what I eat and how much I eat. I eat healthy, and I'm skinny girl. I'm not fond of comments about my body. Hate it!

So I spoke about his knocking habit with my LL and he told him to not to do it anymore. She went for holidays and I'm on my own with him in the flat. I tried to be as invisible as possible. When he is in, I try not to come out from the room.
So on Wednesday I came home after work and saw my post in the flat, he collected it. I went into my room and opened letters, etc. Felt bad for not thanking him, opened the door and said thank you. That's all what I have done.

At 12:30 am I heard someone is calling me by my name. I didn't realise that I fell asleep and opened the door with still sleeping eyes just to see him staying in front of my door. When I asked him what he replied "you left the light on in your room" I closed the door, turned the light off but wasn't able to sleep all night. The door was closed, he didn't know if i was sleeping or not...
My questions are:

1. Why does someone in the middle of the night calls the other person (he barely knows) just to tell her that the light is on?

1. What does he want from me?

1. He is no one to me to care for me so much..., so why?

My LL never knocked my door and said that I left the light on, even if she would get up to use the bathroom in theirs le of the night. She knows sometimes I stay late and do some work/reading...

It made me feel sick to disturb someone like that at 12:30 am, and call my name loudly. We have neighbours downstairs, and me and my LL usually don't make noise after 10pm.

1. What is his problem?

Well he's obviously interested in you and is trying to find some ways to get closer to you.

But I don't! And I never gave him any reason to believe I'm interested.
I'm 37, he is more than 52. I never fancied men older than me, maximum I date guys my age.
It's disgusting to disturb people like that.

It's sounds very creepy. He may just be a lonely man but I would definitely keep my distance

Im not actually sure he has done anything wrong. He sounds like someone trying to get to know a new housemate and make living there a little more comfortable, and you sound rather rude.

How long has he lived there?

So you rent a room like a lodger in a flat where a LL and another man live?

You should move. There are loads of much better ways of being a lodger. Don't put up with this. I personally think the LL legged you over.

If he's making you uncomfortable then you need to assert yourself with him and tell him you don't appreciate being disturbed.

He's probably lonely rather than dangerous but you are under no obligation to be 'nice' to him.
How long is he going to be living there? And how long till your contract is up for renewal?

He is zoning in on you. Be very, very careful. Stop doing as he asks - the next time he asks you to do something (such as the washing machine) just say no, sorry, I can't now. And close the door.

He won't like it but that doesn't matter. Lay down some boundaries now. And don't give a moments thought to whether it will displease him or not. You didn't know this man existed until recently and he is not your responsibility.

I would be creeped out and disturbed too.

Make sure your door locks.

Thanks Atrocious

That's how I feel, very disturbed.

I haven't mentioned that he puts music loudly in the middle of the night. It started as soon as landlady went to holidays.

I actually don't care if I'm rude if I can't even comfortably go to the kitchen without being followed and watched.

I'm not obliged to be friends with someone I don't want to be...

And he had a girlfriend before, my age.

Yes I agree with atrocious

I don't have a lock in the door, but I put the chair from the inside in case he will try to do something. And keep scissors under my pillow, just in case.

Are you also a lodger, or do you normally have the whole flat to yourself? Has your rent been reduced while this other man is here?

I think you need to speak to the landlord asap and say you are not comfortable with this situation and you want to know when he's moving out.

Listen to your intuition. If it tells you something is off, believe it.

Beta, I live here for 4 years. This year she asked me if I mind if she would have someone for a while as she needed some money before holiday.
I said, no I don't mind as long as he doesng disturb me.

Then when he started acting strangely I told my LL that his behavoiur is unacceptable. He talked to him. Everything was quiet, until I said "thank you for post collection"

A friend of mine in real life said he is trying the surface, make sure you assert yourself.

I'm a lodger and lived with the LL for 4 years. Very happily.

Every year when she goes for holiday I stayed on my own, but this year she asked beforehand if I am okay with the lodger temporarily for six weeks.
He is until end of August.

You need a bolt on your door as a temporary measure. They're really easy to fit and cheap. It'll make you feel safer.

But I would look at moving out quick sharp, assuming your ll was within their rights moving this guy in.

If you feel at risk, sofa-surfing with friends and family until the situation is resolved is better than sticking it out. Listen to your gut.

Thanks Category1

I will check the bolt tomorrow.

Yes definitely get a lock!

I agree you need to speak to the landlord ASAP.

I did text to the LL about the name calling in the middle of the night.
She apologized and said she will make sure he won't disturb.

She is back the day he has to leave, so hopefully I will be OK.

The point is I would be okay with him just talking if he wouldn't push my boundaries or analyse my body and ask random questions.

I started to detach myself when I accidentally saw he was watching me from my back. I felt very uncomfortable.

Hopefully everything will be sorted out by the end of next week.

Everything sounds perfectly normal when in a house share, except the light thing. However, that could be down to the mere fact that the light from under your door was disturbing his. I'm a very sensitive sleeper. If I have somebody stay at my house in the spare room, there's no way the light on the landing or bedroom can be on. Just a small light under the door impacts on my ability to sleep.

I wouldn't worry but just stay aware.

@ShitHappens

The light of my room comes to the corridor. His room a bit far from mine and his bed completely in a different position from the door. Plus between the door and the bed there is a big wardrobe.
I've seen that room myself before as it's LL's room and she sometimes used to invite me to her room if she would be doing something and would have a chat with me at the same time.
Light definitely does not go to his room.

But thank you...

I agree with PP that you need to trust your intuition.
Any one incident could seem friendly so there's not much point commenting on them.
Point is, overall it disturbs you enough that you are putting a chair under your door.
You've 10 days more of this - although you shouldn't be forced out I would say for comfort and possibly even safety, you should go and stay with a friend. Even the cheapest B&B you can find and don't pay rent for those days.
It's not just your discomfort - the music in the night is off, and that's your absentee landlady's responsibility.
And I would tell her that having a stranger foisted on you didn't work for you at all, and so you don't want it to happen again. She has a choice of some extra cash or losing a good, long term lodger paying regular money. She can't have it both ways.
I'd be polite enough about it - she did ask and you agreed. But be clear it didn't work for you at all.

Thanks Cabrinha