how would you feel if you discovered your husband was seeing someone else when you met?

[SummerRain1]

I'm not sure how to feel to be honest.

My phone broke yesterday so I have to use an old phone until my husband fixes it. It just so happens to be the phone my husband had when we met.

I found text messages on there between my husband and his sister. The messages are dated shortly after we got together but before I had met his family. The messages are basically about my husband seeing his sisters best friend and how happy she was they were getting together. Then messages a while after, once I had met the family, basically having a go at him saying she can't believe he is with me and how dare he do that to her friend.

I haven't said anything to my husband but it's made me feel sad. especially since my husband has been avoiding this girl like the plague throughout our relationship. He told me he just didn't like her. know I know different.

do I say anything or just ignore it?
I would have never have started a relationship with him had I have known.

We are married with a baby so I don't want to break up but I feel I have been lied to.

He has barely said a word to me since he has been home. avoiding eye contact when I try to talk to him and he is currently sat downstairs on his laptop deleting facebook messages. so I'm starring to think there is a hell of a lot more to this.

I'm going to take some time for myself tonight and tomorrow to think about things. He clearly doesn't want/ won't talk to me rationally and is acting like there is something to hide.

He's not 'acting' like there's something to hide Op.

deleting facebook messages ?

you are being rather passive, love

I would have that FB log in or he would have his divorce papers. He's not even trying to hide his behaviour now.

What do you mean by passive?

I don't want an argument and I can't force him to talk calmly. so I'm leaving him to it until I'm thinking more clearly

....while he gets rid of any incriminating evidence

....while he gets rid of any incriminating evidence

oops, sorry

I've already checked his messages earlier, rightly or wrongly. There was nothing that I could find that was obvious.
why he is deleting messages I don't know

Oh, you checked them rightly no question in my mind

why he is deleting messages I don't know

I think you can probably guess, no?

When you say an ex you didn't know popped up after you were engaged, what happened?

Even leaving aside your updates his behaviour in seeing someone else while he was seeing you would have concerned me.

All the comments along the lines of people have various people on the go early on in dating and he chose you so there's no issue don't seem relevant.

You were in an exclusive relationship and he was seeing someone else. He was therefore cheating on you. His sister thought it shitty behaviour from him and he's avoided this woman. If he'd just been out with her once or twice this wouldn't be the reaction I don't think.

I'm sorry you are in this situation and I don't think his reaction is one of someone who has nothing to hide. He has lied to you and shown himself to be capable of deception. I hope he starts reassuring you and being honest with you and that it's not as bad as it could be. Perhaps his sister could shed some light on what actually happened.

I'm afraid that deleting FB messages after furiously insisting he's faithful - when you hadn't asked! - is so incriminating, there's really no getting away from it.

Looks like you're in for a very bumpy ride. I'm sorry.

you said from the start of your thread that he told lies. This is about way more than him 2 timing you at the beginning. If you look at the archive of his FB messages it will prob tell you much more. But you seem to be coming to the realisation that this man is not the person who you hoped he was. If he can lie about one thing then he can lie about lots. And his furious reaction is also incredibly telling I think. You deserve much better than this.

How was today?