Need advise,I've finally got a response from my ex regading him having contact with the children.

[83singleparentof3]

He responded asking if he could have the children next sat,no time! I have asked him for a set day/time so the children have routine as I'm sick and tired with him having contact around his social life.its not hard to choose a set day/time and stick to it.if for any reason he has unexpected urgent issues/problems then he can rearrange a contact day.

he said he would like to collect the children not from the house but just around the corner from the house,he is asking that the children meet him at this location,it is literally around the corner infront of 2 other houses on a grassy patch.he said he will call 5 mins before he arrives at the location and then again to say he's collected them.

I have responded saying he can collect them from the house,his wife will be with him as she apparently doesn't want him coming to the house alone.ive told him that I will say my goodbyes at the door and see them to the gate,we don't need to make any eye contact or exchange any words.
anybody got any advise? AmI in the wrong? he's very controlling and I need to put my foot down,also I think if he collects them from the house we will be keeping things as amacable as can be,it will be less disruptive on the children,they've been through enough change,just want to keep things as normal as can be.

This has absolutely nothing to do with this woman and she is a convenient red herring to deflect some responsibility away from an arsehole.

Draw up a parenting agreement with a contact schedule and disengage from this pathetic man and his excuses.

You are doing really well, to stay so strong. So many on here understand just how difficult your life is at present.

I would say, that from now on, don't speak about the children's needs or anything else in your emails. Short formal factual emails stating date, place and time, nothing else. I would also keep copies of emails, in case it escalates to court orders.

do what jux and florentina said

Has she missed the inconvenient fact that you are, in fact, their mother?

Tell you what though, I bet ex gets off on her insecurity and very likely feeds it.

As if you'd let a 3 year old walk down the street unsupervised!

Don't ask, just tell him - you can have them from 10am, I'll hand them over at the gate. If he lets out a single word of disagreement, just keep repeating that you are happy to discuss at mediation if he can't agree.

Keep all emails and dates of contact.

Petty, but I'd make sure you look awesome at every pick up and smile at her. Look totally unfazed.

hi all,thanks for all the great advise and support,I really appreciate the feedback...I'm still waiting on his reply to my email.

OP I've been exactly where you are and its awful. All down to exp dw insecurities. Trying to appease them did nothing at all (and exp was feeding them, no doubt, the ego will always come first to men no matter how much shit it causes them) this culminated in them splitting up because he attended dds sports day without telling her. Regardless of the fact our previously lovely and amicable parenting relationship was whittled down to zero by this point and we were sat about 30 metres apart - the dw assumed (as you would) that we were f*ing in a bush, at dds sports day. Her insecurities and attempts to control me, him and everything in her environment had sent her barmy. Today they are bitterly divorced with two small children which I find very sad. Exdp and I are back to being amicable. He has had his fingers seriously burnt by kowtowing to her issues and lesson learnt I think. It got to the point where my dd (around 10 at the time) was being dropped off and collected in Costa car park (neutral) to keep her on an even keel . I'm ashamed I let that happen. So stick to your resolve Op.

Op that is awful,a horrible situation for you and your dad.thank fully it's over now and it's good to hear that your now back on good terms...it sounds so much like my situation,he also came to sports day whisks the she wasn't aware of this,it was last year,he was fine towards me then.he gad to go behind her back,what files that say about their relationship.I've asked him on a few occasions why she feels threatened by me,he said...she doesn't,she just doesn't trust you,she has no reason to feel like this apart from him also pointing out that she doesn't like the way I look at him...so I try not to make eye contact with him,she sits in the car watching Me/him like a hawk.

Mean to type,dd not dad

Yes I bet you look back and realise you should have put your foot down,been more firm.

I would just email that the children will be available for contact on this Saturday and every other Saturday. He can collect them from their house at Xam and return them at Ypm. Ask him to confirm that he agrees to this arrangement, and then get into no other discussion except for him to confirm.

Well as he hasn't got back to me,I guess I don't have much choice...I would like to know why he takes so long to reply to my emails.i sent a reply to his email on Sunday,no reply from him yet,he must be thinking very hard about his reply.

yes, he is certainly hard of thinking

My daughter had a jumper on with the words on it saying...I love my daddy,when he used to pick the kid's up from school/nursery fortnightly she just happened to be wearing this jumper,he emailed me later that after noon saying....i see dc has her daddy jumper on,I replied yes why are you pointing this out to me,he said because I feel like your trying to remind me she's mine,I wasn't sure what to say,I just replied back with...I refuse to have a dispute over something so ridiculous.

On another occasion,I packed 2 jumpers as spares,the I love my daddy jumper being one of them...when the children cam back,it was missing,I asked him if he knew where it was,it turned out his wife had hide it in the car boot,you'd us the sort of childish behaviour I and yo deal with.

This is the sort of childish petty behaviour I have to deal with,she wants said to me...I'm a bit more older and wiser than you,not sure this is strictly true!

I've just got to smile and pretend it doesn't bother me,this irritates them.

you can pretend it doesn't bother you without smiling

I recommend a stony, unbothered, uninterested stare into the middle distance. Pick a spot just over his right shoulder.

Thumbwitchesabroad! Yes I did read The thread about the ex leaving the 2 dds on the doorstep,this is Shocking behaviour!!

Lol,yes I think that might be a wiser reaction to make

Excellent advise I'm receiving :)

Will keep you updated :)

83 you are waaaay more restrained and grown up about this than I would be.
Knowing that commenting on exH's looks, making eye contact etc was driving Princess Precious Pearl nuts, I would feel obliged to look him in the eyes, smile broadly and say, "Wow, you've lost even more hair / got yet another chin again this week". Every single time. I might be tempted to follow up with, "When are you upgrading wives again? This one's looking a bit ragged these days" while gesticulating airily in her direction. Maybe even blow a kiss as they drive off.
But I do appreciate that maturity is not my greatest asset and your approach is much more civilized, even if they are bonkers.

That would be so much fun, Harriet Don't do it, though,83, because she's likely to take her bad temper out on the children. Imagine doing it

I have to be,I need to show the children that I'm dealing with the right attitude,some of the comments make me chuckle :)

I emailed him tonight,I asked him if he doesn't respond by Thursday evening regarding making arrangements to see the children on Saturday,then I'm assuming he doesn't want to see the children....he replied saying....picking the kids up from the house is not an option,thinking of alternative.
Their is no reason why picking the kids up from the house is not an option,what about what's best for them.if he wants to see the children then picking them up from the house is his only option.

All this because of a stupid harmless comment I made.