Male friend visiting

[feelingsad75]

Have been going out with a woman (41) for about six months

She has invited her male friend over from Australia to stay with her for 2 weeks then they are going on holiday to Spain for a week

She has a 1 bedroom flat but she says he is sleeping in the front room

She also says it is a platonic friendship which I kind of believe

Anyway he arrived yesterday and I'm having a lot of trouble coping - I feel like I'm being disrespected and am a bit jealous as she doesn't actually go out (dates) with me much but is going out with him virtually every day

Any advice on how to cope (got a bit drunk last night :-( )

It would hurt me a LOT if my husband never ever wanted to do anything socially with me but jumped at the change to socialise with others.

And I think it's a bit weird that she says she doesn't want to spend time with you outside of work.

Can i ask a daft question - are you actually her partner?
Do you sleep together? Do you spend any time together that is not work related?

It just seems really odd.

Not odd as in you're lying. Odd as in not sounding like a romantic relationship.

Do you cuddle? Kiss? Talk about the future?

I'm not sure based on what you say, that what you have is a romantic relationship.

We do sleep together - we cuddle and kiss

When we are together she says she loves it and says she loves me

I dont really understand

You're going to have to communicate with each other. It doesn't sound like she's moved on properly from her ex. But you need to speak to her, because we can't know.

What do you want with her?

Then you need to sit down and tell her exactly how you feel.

Forget about this bloke. He isn't the point.

You want some time and attention and that's normal! Working together is not the same thing at all.

You need an honest conversation about it all. Ask her to be honest with you. Tell her what you need. Ask her if she's able to give you what you need. And of course equally time for her to tell you what she wants and needs from you.

You can't carry on like this if it's not making you happy.

It's not a lot to ask to go see a film with your partner! Or go for a meal. Or go to a gallery.

I'm feeling suicidal

Then please contact the Samaritans.

someone who makes you feel suicidal has no place in your life, does she know that you think of her as your girlfriend?
I really think you need to work on your self worth, you're better than that, please see your GP, or if you feel you can't wait till you can an appointment, call the Samaritan for a chat x

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources -here.

You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Loupylou - someone doesn't make you feel suicidal. Your own mental health does. OP - you need to get soe real life support. If you are honestly considering hurting yourself you need to contact someone asap, preferably a mental health service or the Samaritans: 08457 90 90 90

Do not contact your girlfriend. From what you've described she is unlikely to be helpful and may feel you are being manipulative, which is likely to result in you feeling worse. Sort yourself out, get some help and then sit down with her and talk about where your relationship is going.

Hello dear. I do feel sorry for your state. To be honest with you it seems like you are being used for sex. She is spending her time with another man not caring how you feel. You don't like it yet can't talk about it. If she had a friend over she may have had a better arrangement and involved you. You meet only at work not outside. Shes going on holiday with another male friend and not you yet your relationship is only 6 months old. Wake up dude. Sorry to be harsh. You need to look for a real partner not someone who uses you.

Thanks for all your responses - rang samaritans last night and they really helped.

Am just going to try to lay low for a while till it all blows over

Poor you, I hope you're feeling better soon. I've been where you are and it's a horrible place to be but you will come out better and will look back and wonder why you wasted time on her.

Just cant stop thinking about asking this guy how hed feel if I did this with his girlfriend

Hello mate. I'm glad you felt better after speaking to Samaritans. Why not phone them again or go in person for a chat.
All the best,
Roux