Am I being an over sensitive bitch?

[turkishly]

Okay this is gonna be long and I hope not too boring. Guess I just want to rant

Been with dh many years and have four dc. Hes what I would describe as quite serious and practical compared to me. Hes also, I guess, a bit tight. What spare cash we have I like doing stuff-days out, weekends away holidays etc. Creating memories. While he does like these things, there seems to be a limit on how many we do. He never very often suggests going anywhere but does always (reluctantly sometimes) agree.
This wouldnt necessarily be a problem except I dont drive so am limited to what I can and cannot do without him. Ive never been remotely interested in driving. I love walking and dont mind public transport. However there's only so far you can go without a car

Recently we decided to upgrade the car and have had a new one through my work. For the first time ever ive wished I could drive. Theses this new car sitting outside but it may as well be a jumbo jet for all the use it is to me.
Dh has been showing off a bit and showing his family etc.who all seem to refer to it as his car. I feel narked.childish I know

I said to dh I may learn to drive in the new year to which he basically replied I wouldn't be very good (!) And even if I did pass I wouldn't be able to handle a car this size! I feel humiliated.
I have been really sarky with him.and making a point of limiting the 'lifts' that I have in 'my'car.
Am I being a prat?

giddy yes I dont need a car for work its just a big incentive scheme.
Im making my dh to sound like an arseole whos controlling. Not at all. Hes quite half soaked in fact, its just I think the bottom line is he doesn't like doing the same things as me or rather as often as me.
Hes happy with one hol a year and very occasional other trips but I like being out and about.
I do agree wkth the idea his ego might be damged as I reckon he likes the power of the car key!

The rest of his attitude is arse-ish though. He thinks the balance of power is in his favour while he has a skill that you don't, so just ignore him being a prat and learn. You'll be glad you did.

I used to work in a bank and had a car allowance

However, I'd be pretty pissed if my oh didnt bother to learn to drive and expected to be chauffeured everywhere

I hate driving, and do enough during the week thanks

Go and get lessons and then practise the hell out of it

Is your sister good at things you are not? And vice versa, just because she is bad at driving doesn't mean you will be

Yes americanoI totally agree
Especially as our recent trips have been very lonnng!! Which is why you would think he'd embrace me learning to drive!

Turk the blanking you was really the source of my attitude comment. I can understand being a homebird as I am but the DC like to do things and so does DH so we have a balance. Some weekends are busy. Some are pootling around at home.
As pp said you mustn't go into it assuming you will be unconfident like your dsis!

And I dont have anyone really who could teach me the basics. DH offered after he realised his initial comments offended me. I told him no chance. Feel humiliated enough. At least a stranger doesn't know me.
I half want to learn without mentioning it again and surprising him if I pass.

The trick with learning to drive is assuming you can do it.

There are so many arseholes on the road right now, and if they can pass then it cant be that hard can it?

Your main issue is your "D"H knocking your confidence because he doesnt like the idea of you saying "oh bollocks to you then, I will take the kids...." its taking away a little bit of power and he hates that.

Ignore him and think of the fact that driving is easy, it really bloody is. If it wasnt, there wouldnt be so many people doing it.

Do NOT drive with your DH in the car until after you have passed your test, and maybe even then not for a year or so. Even if he was well-meaning he'd knock your confidence. My lovely Mum used to slam her foot on an imaginary break or twitch if I went too close to the side of the road, she didn't mean to but she couldn't help herself. It was very distracting. My H has been driving for nearly three years now and I have yet to be a passenger while he's driving.

How do you own a car without having insurance would have thought you had to show proof of insurance and licence at the dealership when you bought it.

I take it you have a learners permit if not you need to apply and start the process then you can book lessons.

His attitude is really strange toward you learning to drive one would think he'd be helping you not putting you down.

Yes. Get it sorted you'll be fine:)

DH been driving 30yrs so nothing fazes him.
I would never do any practice with him now as I feel foolish. If I was crap at picking things up then id imagine him taking the piss. Probably totally irrational I know

Id rather do it anonymously
I can be really self conscious

Im not stupid. Ive a good job.and one I trained hard to.get. its practical and academic.

Bogeyface
Spot on! Yes I know its mean but I see some right dopes driving and i think god, seriously how hard can it be if they drive!
americano, again spot on. I do think thst driving with him would almost definitely knock my confidence. I am very sensitive in the fact that I would take any patronising comments personally.

DH been driving 30yrs so nothing fazes him

And that is why you should never learn with him. Not because of hsis ridicule but because he is probably a very unsafe driver with bad habits. Also because he probably thinks that he is the best driver in the world and with therefore assume that anything you do is wrong if it is different to what he does (even though you are doing it the correct and legal way).

There was a program recently where parents taught their kids to drive and while half of the time it was stroppy kids who didnt like being told their where wrong that was the problem, the other half was long term drivers teaching their kids precisely what not to do. They were setting their kids up to fail. HE would do that.

Get a proper instructor (I used BSM, did 2 x 2 hour lessons per week) and passed after 15 hours with 4 minors. thats from never having sat behind a wheel, convinced I would never pass.

You can do this. You know you can. He knows you can, he just doesnt want you to. Thats why you should do this.

I see some right dopes driving and i think god, seriously how hard can it be if they drive!

Confidence.

They assumed that they could, so they did. Sadly.

You are assuming you cant, and as long as you have that attitude, then you wont. You are clever, accomplished and able. Of course you fucking can!

Honestly, it's not that hard. The physical stuff is mostly about coordination and is just practice. The mental stuff (watch the road, reading the traffic etc) is mostly practice and experience.

Go find a lovely instructor and learn.

Thanks.bogeyface. you're right. I wouldn't learn with dh even if my life depended on it. We would end up having a scrap.
Thanks everyone else for all your support. Im gonna go for it.:-D

Vater makes a good point with "find a lovely instructor"

If the first (or second or third) doesnt fit then find a new one.

Dont do the British thing of sticking with a shit instructor for fear of appearing rude. Contact the company (if you go for a national one) and get a new instructor. If its local say "I am strapped for cash for the next month or so, I will ring you when I can book my next lesson" and find a new one.

My sister wasted 3 years (yes years) worth of lessons between 18 and 21 on a shit instructor purely on the basis that he got both my parents to pass (25 years previously) so felt it would be rude to sack him! She went with my instructor and passed with 3 months.

Find one that you get on with and you feel you can trust and you will pass very well and very fast :)

he can HELP you learn

Don't. With his attitude that you will be a bad driver when you haven't even attempted it yet, he will just undermine your confidence even more. I was in a similar position to you, OP, re. ownership of a car without knowing how to drive, and my DP never stopped making comments about how badly I drove though he never told me how to improve my driving. Other people complimented my driving, btw.

You don't have to be a great driver
(most problems come because people think they are when they aren't), you just st have to be good enough.

I'm afraid your posts are screamed nag at me that he's using thins as his way of putting you fown a bit and so passing your test won't change that as you'll never be as experienced as he is so he'll continue to put you down.

Get your pass, claim your car back as yours, be prepared for him to put you down because he wants your car and to somehow feel superior to you.

Try to choose an instructor with a largish car to learn in. Getting your license and then transition to your own car would be more difficult the larger the difference.

Easy as falling off a log. I learnt to drive at 15. Of course where I live is extremely 'auto-centric' so it's a necessity.

I agree with NOT letting him get involved. Remember, once you get your license (and you will) he will lose 'his' car, so he has a vested interest in you NOT having a license.

Find a good instructor for your formal lessons. If you have a good friend who has a license have them take you to a large carpark when there are no cars there (closed down business, store closed, etc) and have them sit with you as you (with the car in park) practice 'this is the gas, this is the brake', just touching the pedals to 'learn' where they are. Once you get that down, practice driving (very very slowly) around the carpark, braking and accelerating. It helps you get the 'feel' of how a car stops and goes. That's what my dad did with us before we started our formal lessons.

by 'accelerating', I mean just tapping the gas gently enough to cause the car to slowly move forward. No racing around the car park! At least not at first.

Ha! My dad tried to start me off with the touching pedals etc thing, but picked a narrow road with parked cars both sides. It was an automatic, so touching the accelerator made it leap forward. Somehow I managed not to hit the car directly in front of us, clipping the one on the opposite side instead. Dad's comment? "I thought you could steer better than that." I pointed out that I could not steer at all, having never done it before. We got back in and went home and he quietly withdrew his objections to my mother paying for proper lessons. I was surprised to find it's dead easy in a dual control car with a calm, professional instructor by your side!

Dad told me to cancel my test because I would not pass it "in a million years". I said it was too late to get the money back and I would regard it as practice. I passed. I did not say "up yours, Dad" in so many words (it would have been unwise), but I may have been thinking it.

He also terrified my sister by yelling "BRAKE!" which nearly caused her to drive into a shop window as she froze totally. She, too, passed her test first time despite his "help" and is (some 35 years on) quite a scarily confident driver. I'm more of a steady potterer with a little sensible car. So you see sisters can be quite different as well.

Go for it turk it will change your life.

I'm mid 30s and only passed last year, the difference it has made being able to drive with my 2 dc during the holidays is amazing.
My dh works a lot, so one day I packed up the kids and the car and we went away for a couple of days (about 150 miles away)

Looking back, I wish I had done it years ago.

I learnt to drive in my late 30's. I was petrified and had loads of lessons, but I did pass first time, much to my instructors astonishment. I love driving now and the independence that it gives me. Learn to drive op. You won't regret it.

Definitely learn to drive!
DH gets a company car without needed it for work. He gets the train to work and I drive it. Everyone calls it my car even though it isn't! He's not fussed though as long as he gets a go in it at weekends