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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please help me!

68 replies

Confused1282 · 15/08/2015 13:58

This morning I found my H has been looking for prostitutes in our area..... I have sat crying all day.

OP posts:
DrMorbius · 15/08/2015 14:00

How do you know? If it's a browser history it may not mean he has/does intend to do anything.

Original poster
Confused1282 · 15/08/2015 14:02

The search engine was up with prostitues North East typed in.... 2 sites he has looked at as they are highlighted...

OP posts:
DeputyPecksBentBeak · 15/08/2015 14:04

Sad doesn't look good, does it? The intent is definitely there, regardless of if he's actually gone ahead and done anything.

Original poster
Confused1282 · 15/08/2015 14:06

He said he was just interested, wtf does that mean???? Everyone watches porn including me but I would never look at that!!!! Why would he?

OP posts:
goddessofsmallthings · 15/08/2015 14:14

It means he wants to know what the going rates are for a young woman who'll perform any sexual act he wants.

Original poster
Confused1282 · 15/08/2015 14:20

What am I supposed to fucking do now :( sorry for the bad language. But we have a 8 month old baby! We are both young late 20s but Ive been married before when I was very young and have another child who split 50/50 I told him I wouldn't even think about marriage or kids til we had grown and settled which I thought he had. He seemed to be the perfect family man we both have great jobs and are nearly saved up for our dream house even spoke about having another baby. I'm absolutely furious. What am I supposed to do?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Confused1282 · 15/08/2015 14:42

Am I supposed to accept that he likes looking at this? I don't think I can??

OP posts:
gamerchick · 15/08/2015 14:45

No you don't. I certainly wouldn't!

Have you spoken to him yet?

Original poster
Confused1282 · 15/08/2015 14:48

Yeah he says he was just interested! I don't understand what that means, he's at work now won't hear from him til late tonight, he's acting like its nothing! I just don't get it....

OP posts:
wickedlazy · 15/08/2015 14:59

I once looked up escorts in my area. Just to be nosey, had read somewhere you can arrange to see a hooker within 20 minutes online, fastest in the UK Shock. Kind of gross realising what a seedy underground your city has. Difference is, I told dp who went noooo really? 20 minutes?? The same way I did. Why was he being secretive about it/ has no explanation? Has he been off with you or seemed different?

wickedlazy · 15/08/2015 15:02

Can you ask to see his email account, to prove he hasn't registered to any sites? Some need you to sign up as a member to browse.

goddessofsmallthings · 15/08/2015 15:04

It seems he's 'just interested' in titillating himself with the thought of getting his rocks off with a compliant young woman who was most probably sexually abused at an early age and now sells her body because it's her only economic resource; the only way she has of earning a living and/or of earning sufficient money to buy the drugs that numb her inner hurt and pain.

Original poster
Confused1282 · 15/08/2015 15:41

Since having our DC I personally don't find it the same, little feeling down there. I have password for his email I checked nothing! But I know ages ago he had a different email but he couldn't remember the pass word so he got this one? I dunno. Lol I liked your comment about 20 mins but I don't think he was just checking it for a laugh especially with his interested quote?

OP posts:
goddessofsmallthings · 15/08/2015 16:47

20 minutes? 30 used to be the norm. I expect punters get less time while the rate per session has increased, which is not dissimilar to those manufacturers who reduce the contents while charging more for their boxes of cornflakes/chocolates/etc. Grin

For some reason, the thought of Maggie T pumping extra air into Walls' ice cream to increase its profitability comes to mind. Confused

scribblegirl · 15/08/2015 16:52

Personally I'd say "so this funny thing came up in the web history..." And try to gauge his reaction. But I know the opinion is usually watch and wait - so maybe give it a couple of days (if you can!) and watch his behaviour?

scribblegirl · 15/08/2015 16:53

Oh god, sorry, need to RTFT

MrsFrankRicard · 15/08/2015 16:54

Was it punternet and does he go on a certain football forum? They like to look on there for a laugh. I must admit, that out of curiosity I have even looked at the reviews of prostitutes in my area and I obviously have no interest in actually using one Grin. Point is, it might actually be quite innocent/

Original poster
Confused1282 · 15/08/2015 19:00

No doesn't go on that, he actually typed it into search engine prostitutes North East. I don't know where to go from here I thought I could trust him. His 'interests' are not what I want tbh

OP posts:
goddessofsmallthings · 15/08/2015 19:04

His interests are not what any woman who isn't working would want, honey.

Have you scripted your dealbreaker speech?

Original poster
Confused1282 · 15/08/2015 19:15

What do you mean? Sorry but upset head isn't on properly!

OP posts:
Original poster
Confused1282 · 15/08/2015 19:54

He rang me and said he often looks at prostitutes??!?!

OP posts:
goddessofsmallthings · 15/08/2015 20:01

It seems he falls somewhat short of 'the perfect family man' you thought he was. Sad

Pre-supposing you're happy with him looking at prostitutes, what will it take for him to convince you that all he does is look and that he's never been with a working woman and has no intention of doing so?

sadwidow28 · 15/08/2015 20:11

If he 'often looks at prostitutes' online then there is something really wrong in your relationship. He is drip-feeding you information until he finds your tolerance point. Whilst I understand what MrsF is suggesting, the fact that he is looking at prostitutes in your local area (and not for laughing at a particular profile) suggests he is exploring an idea at least.

And don't be blaming yourself for being 'less tight down there' as you tried to do earlier on. His behaviour is NOT your fault.

You are going to have to sit down and discuss face-to-face and have your BS checker at the ready. You must be feeling awful at the moment. It isn't nice to think your DH is exploring/planning meet-ups with some random woman which could put your sexual health at risk.

Original poster
Confused1282 · 15/08/2015 20:20

I give him everything I don't understand, I am always asking for sex trying to please, he turns me down a lot. I thought he was just tired. He says I'm just the same down there it's not the same for me but he doesn't know. I think he genuinely doesn't fancy me anymore since being pregnant /having our DC. My body has changed I wonder if that's the case, he says it's not he fancies me loads but can I believe this? Imagine if I was looking at this? I don't know where to go from here?

OP posts:
goddessofsmallthings · 15/08/2015 20:36

I'm sorry to say that I think the reason he turns down your requests for sex is that he's addicted to porn, or he has a madonna/whore complex wherein he believes that women are whores until they become mothers, after which he considers them to be madonnas - sacrosanct and not to be sullied by carnal desire.

The irony is that, contrary to the images of their nubile young bodies, many of women who feature on porn sites and who work as prostitutes have given birth to one or more dc.

Either way, it's probable that he will become a cash flashing punter in the not too distant future unless he seeks professional help for his issues.