my long term partner doesnt want a baby..

[sarah77x]

ive been with my partner for nearly 7years, im 25 his 47 big age gap but he doesnt look his age. things were going great. he new i wanted a baby for ages. but recently his been trying to get in contact with his daughter from a past relationship, he hasnt seen her since she was 2, shes now 14. contact isnt going well. ive told him i wanted a future with him and wanted to start a family, he keeps saying im selfish. he doesnt want another baby at all. i love him to bits but i dont know what to do i cant see myself without him, but i want my own little family but i feel i will never have that with him. am i being selfish or is it him?

[magoria]

Time to move on.

It may be he wakes up and realises he wants a child with you.

Hopefully due to the control etc you will have realised you don't want him.

[DistanceCall]

If it's any comfort, when I was 25 I fell seriously in love with a man who was a twat. I stayed with him for 5 years, even though he treated me like dirt and I never had one single orgasm with him because he was not interested in pleasuring me because that was me being "a clown".

It happens. You learn and live. And find a much, much better man who actually cares for you and loves you.

[Twinklestein]

He's old. And he's awful. I remember exactly what kind of 39 year olds sniff round 18 year old girls.

The line about his kid is bullshit, even if the mother made things difficult, he could have seen his child if he'd wanted to.

I guess now she's a teenager, she's more appealing to him as it's clearly his thing.

Just get rid and start a new life, find out who you are without this loser, and find a guy your own age.

[Findtheoldme]

Maybe he is the one "up to something".

You are not selfish to want a child. That is perfectly normal.

He isn't wrong not to want another child. Probably best given how he is.

If you stay then you are a fool and while you don't deserve anyone treating you badly, if you stay you know how this will be so you will have yourself to blame as well as him.

Do your future self and hopefully child a favour and live a bit without this controlling prat.

[AskBasil]

You are absolutely not a mug.

You are a very young woman who was an even younger woman (just out of childhood) when her life got de-railed by an exploitative old man who snapped her up.

It sounds to me like you didn't have any decent guidance or anyone looking out for you.

But now you're older, you're beginning to realise that this relationship isn't ideal and you're very lucky - you have no ties to this man, you can walk out and never see him again. He can't control you via children you have with him, because thankfully he stopped you having them. You can move on, clean break and get on with the rest of your life.

Don't blame yourself for having been young and inexperienced. Most of us are lucky enough not to meet an old git like this, some of us are brought up to have defences if we do meet someone like this and then some of us are unlucky. You were just unlucky, not a mug.

The one bit of luck - a big bit - that you've had, is that he stopped you having children. So he's given you your freedom. Think of it that way. You can leave and have a normal, happy life and the children you want when you and the man you are with are at the lifestage where you want them. It's all good. Seriously.

[lavenderhoney]

Oh god, get away from this man. Do you have any family who would put you up at a moments notice? Or friends? Get your stuff and push off. Serously.

And don't have a baby with him. He won't be any good. You can do so much better. Read the baby threads, see how men - good men- behave. There is a lovely man, your age or thereabouts, wanting the same as you and who doesn't treat you like shit and you will have a lovely life with. Don't fuck up.

There is no discussion to be had. Why is he trying to get in contact now? It all sounds a bit weird to me- and you are believing his flannel. It's nothing to do with you, you're not married to him ( thank god) and you can push off and meet people your age. He's old enough to be your father. No wonder he doesn't like you going out.