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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I finally understand the BJ thing!!!

63 replies

igetitnow · 06/08/2015 20:42

NC for this (cube of poo, penis beaker and so on)

I finally "get" why women enjoy giving blowjobs.

I've always hated it, but I do it when asked to anyway, because well, it's nice to be nice.

I always thought that women who said they liked doing it were lying or something because I always felt too self conscious about doing it wrong or scared of choking to ever enjoy any part of it.

Well!! Tonight that has changed
FWB came to visit (I'm not a tramp I swear) and the reaction when I was doing my thing was bloody brilliant. Who knew you could have so much power over someone else's enjoyment Shock

Now what else have I been missing because I let my self consciousness get in the way. I feel like there must be a whole other world out there that I should try Grin

Bit of a pointless thread I suppose but I felt I wanted to share my accomplishment Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
igetitnow · 07/08/2015 19:08

Thank you.
It's my own fault, I didn't write it out particularly well, cringing reading it today.

I'm hoping my newfound confidence will last. I feel there's a lot I must be missing out on because I've let insecurity get in the way. I'm going to try and take some little steps with things I've been self conscious about and see if I can make some good changes.

OP posts:
SomethingBad · 07/08/2015 20:26

Good on you. I like it too. I suspect a lot of people who don't are lacking in skill, confidence or both.

Mini-arf at "wrong end of the stick" Grin

thelonggame · 07/08/2015 21:17

OK, I need to ask, but what does cube of poo and penis beaker mean?

Threefishys · 07/08/2015 21:19

There are some real condescending twunts on MN and that's a fact! You go OP and more power to you!! Grin

mrsatkinson · 07/08/2015 22:30

It isnt your wording at all OP. Sometimes people just aren't nice. rather than just ignore a thread they have no interest I they decide to write comments which aren't productive, wanted or nice.

The saying 'if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all' springs to mind.

I'm sorry people have been so negative, you've shared something that is quite obviously personal and a big deal.
your relationship status isn't there to be judged by anyone else as a mark of your self worth as a previous poster has suggested. All I can say is good for you.
I too am quite partial to giving a cheeky bj and understand exactly where you are coming from.
sex is fun, and we live in the 21st century. you don't need to be in a relationship to have a good time sexual ly, if it gave you confidence then that is brill. nobody has any right to judge you on what gives you confidence.

I hate women bashing other women, its mean, unpleasant and uncalled for. they are no better than teenage trolls.

you keep enjoying OP Wink

Eekaman · 07/08/2015 22:34

This post should be framed and mounted for posterity, it should be in MN's museum as an example of how crap things are here currently.

OP makes a post about something she feels sensitive about, and the first 15 or so posters take the piss out of her.

What horrible behaviour to the OP, who then had the grace to come back and explain herself.

So much for supporting one another.

tipsytrifle · 07/08/2015 22:43

You have learned something really precious and important about your personal energy and power, igetitnow

Don't ever regard it as a throw-away, something you do for pure pleasure while another soaks it up and gives nothing back

It is fun in the right moment. Too often it's expected with nothing returned. Very true that it's a power trip - you have someone in your absolute control but make no mistake - the power you have in that moment may not be recognised by anyone but you. Claim it thoroughly and share it wisely.

UnsolvedMystery · 07/08/2015 22:45

I'm genuinely pleased for you OP. I get your post, it makes complete sense. I hope you continue to enjoy your new found confidence and skill, you're going to have a lot of fun with it.

As for the initial responses - just ignore threads you don't like, being nasty is just twattish

tipsytrifle · 07/08/2015 22:47

igetitnow - find your power in whatever way suits you - it's your energy and you have free will to steer it as you choose. You are beautiful and awesome. Don't let anyone use you or make you think they own you or that you owe them. Be loving, free and powerful in everything you do.

Original poster
igetitnow · 07/08/2015 22:59

Thank you all for being so lovely, you've really cheered me up. I don't feel so daft for posting it now.
Here's hoping that the new confidence I have doesn't disappear!

PS - thelonggame the penis beaker and cube of poo are just references to old threads that were a bit funny. Mentioned them just as a sort of "yes I did name change I haven't just joined today" type of thing - although I've not been a member for very long, only a lurker.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 07/08/2015 23:00

I understand Flowers

It's really destructive when you have crap sex for ages and keep doing stuff you don't really like because you think that it's just supposed to be like that.

When you discover that actually something can be great and fun and exciting after all it's a bit of a revelation - and really healthy, actually. Because every time you discover something like that you get so much less accepting of crap relationships, until you get to the point that you will never, ever, settle for anything less than decent ever again.

I guess that when people don't get that it's because they have been lucky enough to have respectful sexual experiences from the beginning and hence they have never had that revelation of "Oh, so it IS supposed to be fun". Don't underestimate that, it's a great thing. Prob best not to share too many lurid details of what exactly led you to that point (because pervs and because people will assume you are searching for other "sharing" responses and are a perv, hence short shrift) but you were absolutely not wrong to share the revelation, not at all :)

Perhaps posters could bear this in mind when they are posting Shock and Sad faces for posters who describe horrifically sexually abusive relationships and refer to them as though they are normal. Getting from that to this is good. It's one of the lightbulb moments of experiencing healthy relationships after abusive ones, and it's a good, healing thing. You might have helped other people to realise that too. Shame that our (British?) prudishness about sex lets us celebrate the other lightbulb moments of this type but not the sexual ones, because sex is important too.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 07/08/2015 23:08

Great post, Bertie

achieve6 · 07/08/2015 23:20

I'm a bit confused

Enjoyment of this, or non enjoyment of this, can be the same regardless of understanding the power it gives you over the man's pleasure, IYSWIM.

CantAffordtoLive · 08/08/2015 04:01

:)
Actually OP I'm feeling a teeny bit jealous. I don't have a partner or a FWB!

I love giving pleasure to someone special, I just dont have a 'someone special' :(

MrsLion · 08/08/2015 05:02

Not being confident in bed does not mean you are with the wrong person.

It means you lack confidence and low self-esteem in general, and is affecting your sex life.

I have no idea why others posters are giving you such a hard time for wanting to share the overcoming of a self-esteem obstacle. Isn't 'Relationships' supposed to be supportive?? Unbelievable.

Low confidence is crippling. It can seriously harm your relationships, career, friendships and sex life.

Well done OP. I hope you continue to find pleasure in things you were previously too insecure to enjoy, in and out of the bedroom.

squishee · 08/08/2015 11:19

Amen to what Bertie said.

goodcompany2 · 08/08/2015 11:52

I think it's wonderful. Enjoying and revelling in your own sexuality and giving pleasure whilst getting pleasure out the act itself is what good sex is all about.

Your post was and is lovely and it made me smile. Sometimes it's a mind shift to change how something makes you feel. sometimes it's a different partner. Whatever it is, is irrelevant here, just enjoy your new found confidence.

theredjellybean · 08/08/2015 12:15

i agree with all who say that your post was fabulous, great to see someone discovering a new sense of confidence and freedom in any area of their life ( well aslong as its legal :))
you may well have been 'missing' out on a healthy and fun sex life ...so enjoy exploring this now.

BolshierAyraStark · 08/08/2015 13:05

Good for you OP, onwards & upwards. As for the what else have you been missing?-get fwb back round tonight & get on with finding out Wink

lemonade30 · 08/08/2015 13:56

you know OP (and others) it is eminently preferable to be a merry little cock sucker than a snippy, pseudo sanctimonious, uptight old cow.

good for you my friend. milk it (him) for all its worth Wink

Branleuse · 08/08/2015 13:59

glad you had some good sex. One of lifes greatest pleasures to be able to lose your inhibitions and properly enjoy some new stuff

NickiFury · 08/08/2015 13:59

Could this not have gone in the specially created "Sex" part of the board? I don't care about anyone's sex life except my own.

scatterthenuns · 08/08/2015 14:00

Did you really think that just because you weren't enjoying something, all women were lying?

That line is trotted out with anal sex too, and it is just so naive.

MrsLion · 08/08/2015 14:36

Why did you open the thread then Nicki?

NickiFury · 08/08/2015 14:40

To express that it should be in the specially designated topic. Wasn't I clear enough?

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