Is it rape?

[Shar76]

Hi I'm new to here and I don't know if this is appropriate for here so please accept my apologies if it isn't.
I have been with my partner for four years, always had a good sex life but when I say no he doesn't listen and constantly tries doing things. We have sex on a regular basis so it isn't as though we don't have a sex life.
The other night I was in bed and he tried and I said no, anyway I was lay on my side and he came up behind me and started trying to put his penis inside my underwear, I kept trying to wriggle away but he kept hold of one of my legs.
I started trying to make a joke about it saying no and sort of doing a pretend laugh. I said no about 4 or 5 times, again I tried wriggling out of the way to my own side of the bed but he pulled my knickers to one side and put his penis in me. I tried to move but again he held my leg and started thrusting.
At the start I didn't enjoy it and I just kept thinking why hasn't he listened, why did he force himself in me? Eventually towards the end I started to enjoy it.
Since that night I don't know how to speak to him about it, it just didn't feel right and I just feel like he has no respect for me as his partner.
I'm not going to report it or anything I just don't know how to handle it.
I was sexually abused by my brother when I was younger and he knows this because I trusted him so I told him.
I just don't know how to deal with it

Great that you are being proactive Shar. Hope they can help, but if they can't, do tryother options suggested here by other posters. You know you are doing the right thing even if it isn't easy. Yoy mayfind you need support, do try to get it.

I do sometimes wonder if the ones we fel we love most are exactly the ones where something toxic is ramping up all the emotion,and making us more helpless and less 'ourselves'.It's an bastard to get over sometimes, but freedom from this fear and misery can be yours!

Obviously my opinion is from a male perspective. Women will view it differently.

Reported

Why WorzelsCornyBrows?

Your male perspective is bullshit. When a woman says no you stop, end of. There is no playing hard to get.

You are not a male, you are a disgusting excuse for one.

Assuming you are straight if you were penetrated by a man despite not consenting and trying to escape but being physically held down but ejaculated during it it would not be rape because you enjoyed it? Yes?

So people can't disagree with the others opinions on here without being instantly reported?

And of course physically restraining you when you say no is just playing hard to get............

I can only deduce from the above shite that this individual is on the complete wind up.

Maybe he just thought that you were playing hard to get, like a lot of you do

You total arse!

Physical restraint whilst forcing a penis in is rape. There is no excuse.

Not when you are making excuses for rape and being a rape apologist. No.

You displayed a stunning lack of empathy for a woman who has been raped and accused "all you lot" I.e. Women as basically being prick teases if we say no, because of course we can't possibly mean it. I suggest you read the talk guidelines and come back, because what you did was troll someone who has been raped and you should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself.

Are you meaning to make yourself sound like a rapist?

Well done MNHQ, that must be some sort of a record for deletions, and rightly so. I didn't even see the post said, but can catch the gist from the replies. It couldn't be much more ghastly, frankly.

@wennlod ....... Cut him some slack as you say. I didn't come on here screaming rape, I was truthful and completely honest, asking because I didn't know where else to turn or who to talk to about it.
Do you think I like hearing the man I spent 4 years with has possibly " raped " me. This isn't the first time when I said no he has done it, but it is the first time he had actually stopped me from getting away by holding my leg and then my hand when I tried taking him out of me.
When he did it my underwear was cutting into me because the way he had pulled them, I told him it was hurting me. I tried to move away but instead he took my underwear off with one hand and carried on.
I got the courage to come on here n ask, it's not the fact that you disagreed it's the fact that you said cut him some slack as tho I have come on here to cry rape!
Do you not think it hurts me to accept that possibly he did do the R word to me? The man who is meant to love me, protect me and respect me!

Dear Shar - we believe you.

I would not advise joint counselling with this excuse of a man. But some support for you alone would be marvelous.

Would you consider calling Rape crisis?

I'm really sorry but he did rape you :(
I would advise to get him out of your life.
Good luck x

Please ignore Wenlodd OP. Remember my earlier post explaining that many rapists reject the title because they don't believe anything without non-sexual violence is rape? He's an example of this mentality. You said no. He restrained you and did as he pleased despite you specifically informing him you didn't consent.

I'd also advise getting your help somewhere other than his counsellor...that would be a huge conflict of interest for them. You need someone who has you in mind 100%

@wennlod ......also I weigh 9st and 5ft3 he weighs 19st and is 6ft4...... His hold, his size, his grip is far stronger than mine. I was lay on my side, I brought both knees up to my chest and pushed backwards against him to push him away from me but he was too strong.
Don't make me feel like I lay there and did nothing to get him off me

OP, there's no doubt about it, you should inform him now that he can sleep elsewhere, he's too much of a danger to you.

Why are you letting him away with this, if it's because you are scared, then lean on family, friend and get in touch with Rape Crisis, CAB, all the agencies that can help you plan an exit.

Just horrific.

Shar I'm sorry you had to read that. I'm sorry you've had to read any of this.

I don't know if going to his counsellor is a good idea. Honestly, I really think you need to get rid of him. He's not going to be able to take back what he's done, even if by some miracle he turns into Mr Perfect from this point on, he's still the man who raped you.

I also really think you should report this to the police, but I understand why that would be a daunting prospect when you're still getting your head round what's happened.

I just want you to know I believe you and I'm sorry. Just so you know though, most rapes happen in circumstances like this, it's not the stranger in an alley, it's the person you trust and love. You are not alone in this.

Shar - don't engage with Wenlodd any more. You have no need to justify yourself to him - he is not worth it, just ignore him.

I agree that it would be better not to see your boyfriend's counsellor - see your own without him. Follow the advice from further up suggesting Rape Crisis. Rape and abuse within a relationship is very controlling, sneaks up on you without you realising. Organisations such as this will know exactly how to help you and give you honest advice.

And a note to Wenlodd...if women are 'playing hard to get' with you, it means they want you to fuck off and leave them alone, non persist like a sex pest.