I know. Told you so scenario

[KatieMaddocks]

Hi all,

just as an update if you are interested at all. I never responded to this chauvinistic pig we discussed last time I created a thread, he begged me to call, left messages etc. I knew I'd regret it but wanted 110% certainty and got in touch. We talked about the things that were wrong in the relationship, he convinced me he'd change and wanted things to be 'back to normal'. We went out for a lovely dinner, his idea/treat.

Three days later he again did not want to meet mid-week, the same behaviour and attitude. I asked him if there was a problem. He said he is 'busy', 'work meeting early on Friday', that he 'wants top relax at home by himself'....anyway, argued over this and I told him everything I think about him not respecting women, being a chauvinistic pig, selfishness, etc.

He wished me 'good luck in future' and said I was 'restricting his freedom' apparently.

Very upset, as all I wanted was to meet more than once a week and he said he wanted it too?!!!!?? confused. I can only think he multidates and has 'another offer' tonight which he doesn't want to turn down.

I know you will say 'told you so' and that I should have never replied to him post leaving him 3 weeks ago, I was weak in my decision...

words of kindness and encouragement is all I am after. I really wanted to make sure I did not make the wrong choice so gave him a chance. How wrong was I.;-(((

Jan45 - am 35 now. He is 44.

Cabrinha - I had a counsellor, it did not work for me as it is not way of dealing with an issue. Don't know if they were good. I'd rather a friend or a forum member listen and talk to me. way more personal.

THEN STOP DATING.

Seriously. Reading your posts, you are NOT in a healthy place to make good decisions. So you are at a very high risk of ending up with bad man after bad man.

If you HAVE to date - and I'm guessing you will, then at least adopt a strategy of dumping anyone who is even remotely rude to you or anyone else. Zero tolerance on "banter". Banter is code for "I'll say whatever NASTY shit I like and then blame you for not having a sense of humour".

Normal people, nice people, are not offensive and don't blame it on banter. They really don't.

You had one counsellor and it didn't work for you. So find out more about counselling types, and how to find a good one.

Talking on a forum is GREAT, but seriously - the things you've said about this guy, your boundaries are utterly FUCKED and you shouldn't be dating whilst you are talking through why you accepted it, with people on a forum.

At least have this rule: if a man refuses to use a condom, LEAVE.

Not everyone likes cats but I bet he was just rude about your cat because it was yours. Either that or he's the type who thinks a proper pet is one that looks like it's capable of maiming people. For the record, British shorthairs are ace, but you know that.

You are completely right about the so-called banter, it wasn't an example of the impenetrable "British humour", it was just coarse and offensive.

I think it's the latter, Annie. I love shorthairs, always dreamt of having one...I rescued him from Oldham near Manchester having travelled there for 5 hrs one way. ~He looks happy now, my kitty of 3 years.

SuperFlyHigh yes, ace words they were;-)) Kew gardens sounds fantastic, we might do a picnic if she is not too mad at me... thank you xx

yes do some nice mother and daughter stuff and enjoy Kew! a picnic is perfect (their cafe although nice is on the pricey side for what it is...).

I'm sure she is not mad at you she probably hears you talk about him or what you tell her and she probably is mad at him too. My mother was the same when I was dating an idiot this time last year she couldn't wait for me to get rid of him but knew I had liked him a lot at one point with him and been very happy. now I know that sometimes 'mother knows best!'.

Thank you. He fucked up the remnants of my self-esteem real good. Piece of shit. I feel not wallowy but super angry now. What an arsehole. I wasted weekends, time dressing up, worrying about my tan, hair, manicure and all he cared for is a bit of 'p£ssy'!!!!! Any of my exes were kinder, better human beings....literally it's the worst dating experience ever. I have outdone myself this year. Wow.

Well, just be glad you've woken up. He was the worst specimen of a human being and you couldn't see that.

Just watching Bridesmaids after a day out. The Jon Hamm character drives Porsche and asks Annie (main character) to 'take a nap' ie give him a bj!!! Wow. What a dejavu. And then she rejects it and he says 'it's called humour, learn about it!!'. Does it remind you anyone???? Wow.

For context, this is the 3rd thread Katie started about this wanker BF of 3 months. The first is here and the second is here.

Just one thread, Whataloadofb*llocks;-) Welcome back. I missed you.

To report, am feeling better as in not wallowing, mainly angry about what's happened.

No regrets leaving him, totally right decision having slept on it. I also managed to not respond to his last VM/text as prior to that told him to f'* to the right side of f. And told him he a chauvinistic pig with no respect for women, and that he is someone who cannot uphold a decent educated conversation or read/write properly with no grammatical errors. He did f** off.

Ah, good one. The life / search slowly continues.

Katie, remember a person can only treat you like shit if you allow them to, he is indeed a prize knob but learn from this and hopefully you will spot any other twats now; we all tried to tell you previously!

What - I think if Katie starts more than one thread about a failed show relationship then that is her business. She has also moved on since her last posts/threads.

Katie to be honest I would leave off searching for someone new now right now - just have a bit of fun and don't stress about the kids side.

"What - I think if Katie starts more than one thread about a failed show relationship then that is her business. She has also moved on since her last posts/threads."
I didn't say she shouldn't. I only posted the links to the other 2 threads she started so people who may not have seen them have some context. I think it helps to know a bit of history rather than take a thread in isolation.

ah got wrong end of stick. sorry about that.

Katie, please, MOVE ON. The trouble with on line dating/dating agencies is that it feels like it's all about you, what's wrong with you, what's right with you, what 'results' you're getting, whether you're looking for the right tickboxes in men... and so much pressure. All the time. You end up persuading yourself that total arses like this bloke are worth your time (clue: he so isn't) because on paper they seemed fine, and you've invested so many hours, already, etc.

I know you've been told this before, but I can only repeat it because it's what worked for me, less than a month after junking my online dating memberships because they were doing my head in: GO OUT. MEET PEOPLE. Let them meet you. Dating is a numbers game. Meeting lots of people, ideally in a non-dating context where there's no pressure, maximises the chances of finding a good, honest, natural, connection with someone who sees you behaving in your every day style, not what they pick out of your dating profile.

If it feels weird going to new things on your own, ask friends to take you along to their football/cricket matches, meet them for a drink in their local pub, join your nearest ParkRun, take a wine-tasting course. Just get yourself out there and let the flow of new experiences start to wash away your obsession about this wholly unsuitable and unworthy man.

I also second those recommending a few more sessions with a different counsellor - so much of what you say sounds as if you want reassurance that you're not the one in the wrong, when it's perfectly clear (to other posters, and to you, I bet) that he behaved badly. It's natural to want a husband and family, of course, but it seems to be driving your online dating decisions to the point of ignoring signals that someone's actively bad for you. No one needs a husband and family that much - you can be happy in your own skin, in your own company, without needing someone to 'complete' the picture. That is, and I'm honestly sorry it's such a horrible cliche but again, it's what happened to me and at least one of my closest friends, often when something unexpectedly pops up.

mochindu - I agree entirely. I'd rather be on my own than with him. ignored signals whilst he said all the right things and repeated 'I love yous' which did sound insincere to me. I wanted to see only the good stuff and then he disappeared without so much of a goodbye. The price of this 'love you'!!!

We've not been in contact since. I am not sad anymore. I am sometimes angry that's all.

Am being sent two profiles from the pre-selected dating serviced in London. We shall see, nothing exciting so far. am not chasing anything as not in the mood.

Going on holiday with mum in two weeks and completing home improvements which are much overdue...

I do want a baby but we will see as it's clouded my 'people judgement' lately;-)

"ah got wrong end of stick. sorry about that."
No problem SHF