I know. Told you so scenario

[KatieMaddocks]

Hi all,

just as an update if you are interested at all. I never responded to this chauvinistic pig we discussed last time I created a thread, he begged me to call, left messages etc. I knew I'd regret it but wanted 110% certainty and got in touch. We talked about the things that were wrong in the relationship, he convinced me he'd change and wanted things to be 'back to normal'. We went out for a lovely dinner, his idea/treat.

Three days later he again did not want to meet mid-week, the same behaviour and attitude. I asked him if there was a problem. He said he is 'busy', 'work meeting early on Friday', that he 'wants top relax at home by himself'....anyway, argued over this and I told him everything I think about him not respecting women, being a chauvinistic pig, selfishness, etc.

He wished me 'good luck in future' and said I was 'restricting his freedom' apparently.

Very upset, as all I wanted was to meet more than once a week and he said he wanted it too?!!!!?? confused. I can only think he multidates and has 'another offer' tonight which he doesn't want to turn down.

I know you will say 'told you so' and that I should have never replied to him post leaving him 3 weeks ago, I was weak in my decision...

words of kindness and encouragement is all I am after. I really wanted to make sure I did not make the wrong choice so gave him a chance. How wrong was I.;-(((

Sometimes we just have to prove things to ourselves rather than taking the word of people who can't know the whole story because they're not living it. So you gave him another chance, because you weren't sure he really was that bad. But he was. Were you being a bit unfair to him? No you weren't. 'Tis cool. Now you can walk away with all questions answered and conscience clear as a bell.

Right. So, he sent me the message two hours ago - after I said I am out of this for good - asking me to 'wish him good luck and happiness after we broke up'. I never replied and deleted his VMs and texts.

He now left a new VM saying that he wants to talk as 'grown ups' and he 'doesn't like how ended things'. What?? After breaking up??? twice breaking up!!??

Weird. What does he want?

I am glad I went back and checked if I was wrong in ending it even though as my mum says there is only one chance to leave gracefully. I did like him a lot, with faults and problems. Probably knowing it was no good for me.

It's obvious what he wants and even more obvious that you shouldn't reply. Time to move on.

Honestly? Sounds harsh but he wants you on a string. This went on with my friend and a guy for 10 years!! It's really really tough and everyone says this but it's true - you are worth more, much more.

What does he want?

Who cares?

Good god - you're stringing this out from 3 weeks ago.

You actually didn't want to meet more than once a week you wanted marriage, kids etc from your original post and he didn't. or not with you. let him find who he wants to mess around with or whatever and you try to meet a nice man, someone who will treat you right.

With me - the last time I had someone interested in me (banker, interested in money etc) as soon as I could see that he wanted me for looks etc I ditched him. why you are even giving this man headspace is beyond me! if he multidates that you were sure he was last time then let him do that! unless you want to be part of his 'harem' then ditch him!

the 'good luck in future' and 'restricting his freedom' are his signs to tell you to get out of his life.

I highly doubt he has seen a work counsellor about you he probably just wants you to go away so he can get on with his life.

I expect to get another abusive response from you though as you don't seem to like it being told straight to you.

after his VM sorry to say but he wants to meet you again probably for sex or to see if you'll continue things like this, as a puppet on his string.

also personally I wouldn't say 'I told you so' to you as that's not nice and it doesn't help you. You KNOW it's silly to go back to him.

heck I don't even tell my real life friends 'I told you so' as they KNOW they messed up and don't need me to rub it in.

your real life friends and family wouldn't say I told you so either. unless they're fed up of this scenario if it keeps playing out.

Fuck how he wanted it to end.

And yes, he's playing you.

Tbh, I didn't like how you talked about him having another "babe". It's bad enough that he thinks of women that way, do you have to?

Leave well alone now, just ignore him.

It doesn't matter if he's upset with how he ended it. He doesn't matter. Ignore! Or if you must respond, use: I do not wish to have any further contact with you. Please stop contacting me. I will report any further contact to the police.

You don't actually need to contact the police, just the threat of it will probably be enough.

Seriously, do not fucking contact him, no good will come of it. He won't have magically stopped being a dick.

You seem to have him on some kind of pedestal and he's got the worst personality I've read on here, spend the time working out why you are giving the time of day to such a sad loser of a man.

He won't have magically stopped being a dick

THIS.

It sounds like you needed to go back to prove to yourself what you kind of already knew. That's okay! Many of us have been there, done that. Don't feel stupid. Try to take this sad feeling and use it to cement a commitment to steer clear of jerks like him in the future.

SuperFlyHigh I agree about puppet/stringing along. I deleted his VM. What an idiot. I think he might be having psychological issues himself if he tells you to stop 'taking his freedom' and then 'wanting to talk'. Twat.

I feel very angry in between being completely upset.

Cabrinha - actually, he most likely uses worse words than 'babe' I was just being nice. He used words 'p&ssy" before when he sent a message to his friend and by mistake forwarded to my mobile. He said "Dude - rich p&ssy from [name of the site] - future pension fund".

so, I think if UI went to the races to meet his classy friends, they would talk along these lines about me. Scary scary man.....

Zillie77 - I know. Thank you./ I needed to hear positive words here...sorry if I upset people before by not listening to advice.

You are right. xx

Stop writing about him. Stop thinking about him. Forget he exists. He's not your problem anymore. Block him and move on.

There's no great romantic drama playing out here - he's just a twat looking for a willing victim. Don't be that victim.

I'm glad you see him that way Katie. Onwards and upwards!

You haven't properly upset anyone, I think - just a bit of knee-jerk 'ARGH' that gets released whenever you see a woman (or man, for that matter) being given the runaround by a jerk

Katie, my personal record is knowing for 18 months that I was dating a total creep before I was ready to leave! It took a very loud argument and some broken pottery to seal the deal. I shoved a bunch of clothing into a garbage bag, and called my dad for a ride. Super embarassing. I had a few breakups like that in my twenties. It takes time to get over heartbreak, even if the heartbreaker was a jerk!

Now I am nearly 50 and I have been married for almost 20 years. Life will get better.

Katie - never date a man who shouts at waiters. And who also acts like a cunt.

LadyPlumpington I know. My mum sometimes shouts/reacts as she is passionate about me not falling prey in the first place. Knee jerk reaction.

DoreenLethal - yes, I read it somewhere and it was a red flag. I ignored. He told me 'he doesn't mind gay waiters' and that he was 'just giving his customer feedback to improve the service going forward'.

I am dreading going back to the Café rouge in that area again.

I think he has been a bachelor till 44 and never proposed/married/committed seriously. Don't think he ever will. 'Restricting his freedom' - I thought he WANTED to be together, craved alone time, to watch a film, cook together, cycle. I was never imposing on him, just meeting once or twice a week.

He was the one who said, if I find out you date someone behind my back, we're through. Nevertheless, his profile must still be up. He was the one prohibiting me to go away on mini breaks with mum university male friend. Whilst he is out partying almost 4-5 nights a week???

I find this all hard to believe.

One additional piece of information I found out about his intimacy issues. From previous relationship - long-term of 4 years - the girl broke up with him because he refused to return the favour to her when she gave him the attention via bj. She apparently thought he did not accept or love her as he refused to be close in that way. I felt the same way to be honest. It has never happened to me before. Not that it matters anymore....

Weird stuff.

FredaMayor He is not married and has no GF. he may, of course, have lots of women on the go. He said he never multidates, but his online profile is up. And I know he checks in to see who's smiled at him/IMed etc.

Feel pretty stupid about being so naïve and silly. Too soon, too fast I believed in good intentions.

I always have a feeling he is on the lookout for someone, eyeing up women on streets etc. Not sure why, as I never had this feeling with other men. he messed my head right up all this time. told me we're not well matched today then 'wanted to talk like adults'.

About what?? very upset it takes this long or so to find out you're dating a despicable creature....

To be fair, you can't bemoan that it's taken this long to find out that he's horrid.

You knew it for a long time.

Someone upthread has it - stop wasting time thinking and talking why he is like this, and think about why YOU were like this.

That's the bit you can change.

Oh and leave behind the bollocks about intimacy /commitment issues.
They're not "issues". He CHOOSES not to commit. Why would he, when women fawn over him for no effort on his part? Why would he bother giving sexually when women are prepared to give without return?

He's a nob, but he doesn't have issues. But you're done now - look at your own behaviour, not his.