Could you get past this?

[RuffDiamond]

Name changed. I won't give TMI but DH has, a number of times, done something in bed I do not enjoy and i asked him not to do it again. He has since tried to do it but I have swatted him off with a stern no.

However, last night he bloody did it again! I told him straightaway that I do not like what he does and please don't do it again.

He didn't seem remorseful and I was not happy about it and felt violated so went to sleep in the other room which he huffed about. I sent him a message telling him it was not ok what he did.

He came straight in and apologised profusely, said he thought I enjoyed it and it would never happen again.

Would you forgive this?

If they happened to me it would be a deal breaker. So sorry you've been treated this way op.

OP does he watch porn? It is a recurring theme in porn that men do things to women without consent and that they don't like. I'm sure many men's sexual actions are influenced by this. It's horrible.

Sounds like he is still trying to blame you OP. You did say no, 3 times, but it wasn't 'forceful' enough for him to understand by the fourth time that you don't want that - wtf? How forceful do you need to be before he'll accept you're saying NO? I'm so angry on your behalf, I feel like if that was me I'd have fucking hit him and hit him and not fucking stopped. How fucking dare he - he knew you don't/wouldn't like it from the 3 previous times, he did it anyway because he wanted to, even against your will. It's really fucking gross. No I don't think I could forgive and carry on - certainly not the fourth time it's happened - it can't possibly be a misunderstanding at this point, it's assault.

liver he's ignored her several times already why should she wait to see if he does it again to ascertain whether he respects her or not?

Your opinions veer wildly from 'leave him' to 'ah well see if he really is sorry these things happen'. Perhaps sort yourself out before attempting to foist your wisdom on others.

FullMonty Exactly what do you mean by sort myself out? I think you need to sort yourself out and take in what you are accusing this man of. There are two sides to every story and yes eventually the OP stated that she was as forceful as she has ever been with him over this but before that I wasn't getting a clear enough picture to say oh he's committed assault. It's also legal to have sex at 16 but not to drink just as it is not legal to kill someone who breaks into your house with a gun to your head you still have to use reasonable force so the law is flawed at the best of times.

Couples touch each other without asking sometimes its called spontaneity have you heard of that? My oh doesn't like me tickling his feet and I do it continuously for a laugh when we are playing and he might get pissed off but he's not going to accuse me of assault. I said the OP should leave him if she feels he is disrespecting her but the fact that she posted and asked for advice tells me that there is hesitation if he has, otherwise she wouldn't need confirmation from others.

The situation was clearer the more the OP posted and I now see that she feels deeply upset by this but before I was just getting the impression that he tried something she didn't like and that maybe he was genuinely sorry. Sometimes people don't want their ohs pulled to pieces just because they asked for advice so I was trying to see it from both sides or whether it may have been a misunderstanding ie. (The OP leaving information out) without making a decision. Some people just enjoy ripping others to shreds though and picking on anyone big enough to challenge that.

How did she leave something out of her op? She said;

^I won't give TMI but DH has, a number of times, done something in bed I do not enjoy and i asked him not to do it again. He has since tried to do it but I have swatted him off with a stern no.

However, last night he bloody did it again! I told him straightaway that I do not like what he does and please don't do it again^

People struggle to accept they have been sexually assaulted. That doesn't mean they haven't been sexually assaulted. If you want to put up with being sexually assaulted because you think your partner didn't have bad intentions then that's up to you but it doesn't mean it is not a sexual assault and PLEASE don't berate other posters from pointing out that it is so that the OP can make a choice about what to do based on the reality of the situation.

In fact I can't understand what planet you are on at all. Even if you are making a point that couples sometimes touch each other without asking - she explained several times she was not ok with this touching, he ignored her and his reaction to her not being ok with it was one of anger. If that is normal and ok to you I wouldn't want to live your life!

And some people enjoy terrorising their partners by doing something they know they don't want...

Omg I don't know where some people get off. It's not in my nature to accuse someone without knowing the full issue. Actually me and my oh have a good laugh about women like you Offred who want to see the negative in everything. I haven't said at all that the OP wasn't sexually assaulted I just gave my take on sexual assault as everyone's views on this are different. I don't know what planet your from if you think people take kindly to having accusations thrown at them without knowing anything about them. We have the OPs word that her oh did something she didn't like but she did not use the words sexual assault so if I have no right to say it doesn't sound like assault then what right do you have to say it is when OP has not said that herself unless i've missed something.

What you are trying to do is make out as though i'm ok with someone disrespecting my boundaries when what I was doing was tying to find out if it could have been crossed wires. I don't put two and two together and make 5 after hearing one view point as I don't find it fair on the person who isn't here to defend themselves.

I'm leaving this thread anyway so the OP can listen to your sound advice. Had she said she was deeply distressed by the situation in her OP and that she felt violated i'd have a different view point though the words used were 'Did something in bed I didn't like' Could have been farting loudly for all anyone new but pardon me for not wanting to tear the man apart without getting the full story.

She did say in her OP that she felt violated FFS.

liver your 'take' on sexual assault is clearly not the same as the law. Laughing at women who think that the legal definition of sexual assault is reasonable and expect men (and women) to abide by this law is pathetic.

What I found funny is that Offred accused me of terrorising and disrespecting my partner by tickling his feet. Why is it different. I'm still doing something he doesnt like and touching him without his consent?Some women enjoy kinky sex, ever heard of BDSM?

I have just read that OP did use the word violated so that's my mistake and i'm not trying to down play the situation I just feel that others are taking it to a level it may not be at. I have said time and time again that if OP feels sexually assaulted or even that she cant forgive her oh that she should consider leaving him.

I don't agree with assault in the slightest but yes my definition of assault and your are totally different so we'll have to agree to disagree.

BDSM is about consent too!! Unless you've only read 50 shades of shite. There is no doubt that the act was done without consent to the OP and is therefore assault.

I was referring to the op's partner btw.

There is one definition of assault liver, the legal one. If you don't agree with that, you are just wrong.

It isn't about 'feeling' something is a sexual assault. Something either is or isn't. If you feel something that is one isn't one you are in denial...

Porn eh? Gotta love it