Is my dh being a bit.... Well... Mean?

[Esmeismyhero]

Dh and I have been married for a little over a year, I love him dearly and we have two dc.

So this year a few things have happened and I've been a bit emotional over them, firstly he forgot our wedding anniversary, now I wouldn't of minded but it was our first so I kind of expected him to remember but that's fine. I laughed it off and carried on.

Then a few weeks ago dh came home from work a bit earlier than usual and obviously I was very happy, we bathed the kids, got them to bed and then I got in my pjs and snuggled in bed and assumed he was coming to bed too (we sometimes go to bed early 8pmish and have a cuddle, talk about our day catch up on news in bed) but he came in and said "I have something to tell you" and it turned out he had Rranged to go out with his work colleague at our neighboring city and he might not be back until late.

I was upset but didn't say anything as he had left, if I had know sooner I would of asked my parents to watch the kids but he told me at 8pm I couldn't get a sitter. I did ask if anyone else's wives and husbands were going and he said yes but since I was ready for bed he didn't think I'd want to go. He went and I read a book in bed but I was upset and did have a cry to myself.

I explained the next day that I was a upset he hadn't invited me and he said because I don't drink that I wouldn't of had fun, but I eat I enjoy the company of his colleague especially a Spanish woman who I get along with like a house on fire.

He said sorry and we didn't mention it again but then a few days ago he told me he was going away for a few days with his friends and going to a party. Now I can get a sitter for these days. He is going to a conference for a hobby he loves and whilst I don't want to go to the convention I would love the few days to unwind, read some books, go for coffee all alone and have some real me time.

Although I don't drink I would of liked to be invited to the party but I wasn't invited so that's fine. I was however upset he was against the idea of me coming along because he said he wouldn't have fun with his friends because he would be worried about me being all alone and therefore I couldn't have fun .

After everything I said I'd be fine and would like the time away and I'm coming since I paid for the hotel with him.

Aibu? A bit precious?

I try my hardest to be diplomatic and I don't begrudge him going out with his friends etc but I want time away too and there's no reason I can't go and stay in the hotel with my husband. He can do his thing I'll do mine.

Hmm. While I still think he's being selfish, I am getting an impression that the two of you are a bit incompatible. Your world does sound a bit narrow: not only do you not drink, but you dislike music and dancing, and seem to stay within about five minutes of your home all the time. I wonder if he is reluctant to take you anywhere because you just sit and whine when he does,, so therefore he feels he has to keep checking on you and leave early and therefore can't relax.
That kind of life would drive me fucking insane and I can see how he might find it smothering. If I had a partner who was a quiet home-loving type I would definitely want to go out without him (or her) trailing along with a martyr face.
If he is otherwise OK about looking after DC to give you a break, why don't you try using that time to develop more outside interests. You don't have to charge round doing shots and dancing on tables, of course, but there are social groups for people who are into crafts, and there are book clubs. It will do you good to widen your world, because then you will focus less obsessively on your H and if your marriage doesn't last, you will have friends and interests.

solid no I think I've not explained myself well. I do enjoy music but not clubbing, concerts etc. I love music and dancing just not going out specifically to clubs and that type of atmosphere. I grew up In a country that had a very big night life scene and it does not appeal to me from the things I have seen. I do not drink because it messes with medication that I am on for life. I do go to crafts clubs and I play an instrument so I do have time away.

I'm not going to be following him with a "sad" face, I have no intention of going to his convention, surely having your wife stay in the same hotel room but doing her own thing isn't a hardship?

I am very self sufficient and don't need him to check up on me or keep me entertained. I've not said anything of the sort.

Update: so last night I asked him if he was angry/upset/annoyed etc that I was going and he said no he wasn't, I asked him if he was planning on meeting anyone there and he said he was meeting his online friends and asked if we could go to dinner alone whilst there which is fine.

I've already planned places I want to visit and things I want to do. Dh is in the convention from 11am till 6pm so I have plenty of time for me to do my thing. He has brought a ticket for me to go to the party which was nice after I was upset so I might go, I might not.

He said I shouldn't be insecure that he loves me and next time promises to at least ask if I want to go to party etc.

Dinner alone you and him or the online friends and him?

Him and I

Oh. You are not allowed to meet the friends OW. Say you want to meet them all. Say you'll happily have one meal alone but you can't wait to meet them. "Show me who they are online now, so I can see what they are like!"

ketchup he is online now talking about work with someone, I'm upstairs writing. I said earlier to invite his friends for dinner one of the nights and he said he would see if they wanted to go but doubted it.

I'm had a horrible moment earlier when I thought is it because I'm become massively fat and he is embarrassed but then pooh poohed the idea because he isn't that mean.

His iPad, phone etc are always a liable if I wanted to look but I haven't because I've never thought to. I asked earlier if there is OW which he laughed at and his reaction reLly made me think there isn't.