What would you do when you know someone is having an affair?

[SRS88]

I've known that a colleague of mine is having an affair. I think he is making an absolute fool of his wife. It's been going on for months. I feel really sorry for his wife. I know I can't tell her and break up their family but it's really awful to know. What would you do? I've really changed my opinion of this man.

My brother says that he wished someone had told him about his ex wife's affairs.

People did know as with the second one which was over 2 years long. People have said in the years following, that they did know, just didn't want to get involved.

So imagine you get an anonymous letter telling you that your dh/dw is having an affair. After thinking that it is probably the ow wanting to stir things, surely your thought process would move on to everyone else in your circle of friends/family. Everyone you saw who knew you both would surely make you think "was it you who sent that letter?" And maybe some of those people didn't even know, and yet you would be left feeling suspicious of everyone because one person didn't have the courage to put their name to their anonymous letter.

Nope, cowardly.

If telling someone the truth will affect you personally then I could see why you wouldn't want to say anything. But if you can't put your name to it for whatever reason then you should stay out of it.

Ive recently discovered my brother is having an affair and it just sucks big time. I found out purely by accident and I feel so shit everytime I now see his wife. Her mum is also really ill so shes going through some really bad stuff at the mo. I kept the mail address for the women hes seeing and I was so angry I almost fired a few fbombs at her but then decided that was a bad idea...I had it done to me and it was awful finding out secondhand but Im not sure I can be the one to tell his wife. Its just a horrid situation to be in

The letter in this case would start "You don't know me but I know your husband through work" wannabe.

And maybe it's cowardly to do it anonymously but if there is genuine reason to fear the consequences of revealing your identity, and nothing to be gained, and you really feel a sisterly sense that this anonymous woman has the right to know then I don't think that anonymity has anything sinister about it.

Personally I wouldn't risk it because I'm not good at lying and I think that if the wife showed the letter to her husband then the cheating bastard is too likely to work out it was me, with potentially dire consequences for me. Now that really is cowardly.

iluv, I think if it were my brother, I'd probably be tempted to tell him when his wife was in a better mental place that I knew and that he had XXX days to tell his wife. Hopefully it would be enough to either make him stop or be honest with her.