Is this a red flag?

[Tryingtokeepalidonit]

I was widowed 41/2 years ago and met my partner 1 year ago. a few weeks ago he moved in with me. All fine so far. I have 3 DC the younger 2 are at uni both doing Medicine so home less that some other subjects perhaps. All three like him.

Friday, DS (21) came back from four weeks working in an orphanage in Asia. I naturally was delighted to see him and did the normal mum stuff, cooking favourite meals, sorting his washing and just chatting. DP has become visibly irritated by this and this afternoon when DS and I were joking as we tidied up after lunch, to which DP's mother and 2 DD came, said "I am fucking well going out whilst you ignore me for fucking golden boy".

I think I will tell him to move out. He isn't fully unpacked and the tenant has not yet moved into his house because he was having it decorated first. My children will always come first and my reaction made me realise whilst I like him and enjoy his company ( and the sex is good) I don't actually love him and would rather be alone than bring conflict like this into the home. AIBU?

[NickiFury]

OP you're brilliant

[FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse]

That's funny, you sound incredibly calm and decisive, not at all like someone who needs to calm down. He clearly treated his late wife with contempt too, which is terribly sad, since she stayed with him and his disrespect, and his dcs were fully aware of his "temper".

I am still very impressed by your clear boundaries.

[AskBasil]

"Even the dog knew he was a wrong 'un!"



Had to laugh at that.

"if your friend can't see why you acted so promptly and decisively I am afraid her judgment is blurred by what she puts up with in her own life."

Amen. So many women put up with shit like this and think it's normal so when other women don't, they think we're OTT.

But we're not over-reacting, they're under-reacting. It's great that you have happy memories of a good, happy relationship - happy memories are worth far more than a current bad relationship and will keep you inoculated from this sort of crap.

[MadameOvary]

Well done OP. You are right about MN too - it is brilliant. It changed my life as it was instrumental in allowing me to see how abusive my ex was and crucially, that I deserve better. You seem to have higher self-esteem than I did and IMO that is very important when faced with abuse.

Glad you have lots of support in RL too. Enjoy your freedom with your family. x

[googoodolly]

Wow, good for you OP!

[Duckdeamon]

Good for you OP. As a soap says it is sad that his daughter thinks that kind of angry behaviour is OK.

[PreemptiveSalvageEngineer]

Wow, coffer and shellfish and assertiveness. I'm getting a bit of a girl-crush on you, OP.

Right, who had "calm down" on their TwuntBingo card? Because if he also said "hysterical", I call House!

[Vernazza]

the dog, who never seemed that keen on DP, seems really chirpy

pmsl - I can actually picture the dog :D

[KnitFastDieWarm]

Nice work OP what a raging, pathetic tosser!

'Calm down!?' there is only one person in this scenario who needs to calm down and it's definitely not you

Your DS sounds lovely btw!

[StaceyAndTracey]

I am also LOL at the chirpy dog

[TheDowagerCuntess]

Amen. So many women put up with shit like this and think it's normal so when other women don't, they think we're OTT.

But we're not over-reacting, they're under-reacting.

This ^^ with absolute bells on.

What a breath of fresh air you are, OP. You know you and your children deserve better.

[Tryingtokeepalidonit]

Well DS just got back from dropping the stuff off at his house and says "he was a bit arm around the shoulder I'll let the little woman calm down haha". DS also gave him a cheque for his part of the holiday and a copy of the e-mails cancelling his flight. When he said he would give the keys back to me when he saw me DS told him just to chuck them because the locks were changed this morning. Tbh DS and his pals are now enjoying themselves, possibly too much, but it does help me keep cheerful. I went in the kitchen earlier and written on the blackboard was 'Reasons why XP was a c*' 1. He did not worship at the feet of golden boy. 2. He wore red chinos. 3. He moaned about sand in the house ( don't move to a house on Beach Rd then dickhead) and more of the same!

Most of the people in RL I've told have said they are not surprised and implied they had thought I was 'settling' for him. However none of them are shocked at the speed I have acted and I guess from some comments on here some people are. I am just a great believer that you have to face life head on and deal with what is in front of you. This has allowed me to cope, eventually. with bereavement, my DD1's cancer and my cancer. However I have been blessed in my life by never being in a situation where I felt unloved or unsupported having great parents and a fab DH who I met at 18. So I am just going to Italy on Friday to drink loads of coffee, at lobster and enjoy my family.

[OnIlkelyMoorBahtat]

You sound ace, Trying. Buone vacanze!

[Phoenix0x0]

You are one in a million try and your children sound amazing.

Life is just too short to put up with that shite...or people that bring you or your children down!

[SugarOnTop]

Red chinos?!!!!!

[Gabilan]

A whole collection of red flags trousers for you.

[SocialMediaAddict]

Red chinos. Definitely a red flag

Seriously you sound amazing.

[kandykat]

you've ne amazing op, and your dc sound great

but I wonder why you let him move in, in the first place if you didn't love him?

[Ragusa]

Joining in with the admiration. Your kids will go far with a role model like you. And as for Mr. patronising arm round shoulder.... well, how fitting that his belongings and cancelled holiday docket were delivered by none other than the Golden Children

[Tryingtokeepalidonit]

Thank you all, I am not amazing I just had an amazing DH so I know how it should/could be. I think I just enjoyed the companionship and seriously thought I would never feel the way I did for DH again. DS is definitely not amazing, indeed he is seriously annoying at the moment, thinks he is 'the man'! But I do expect him to grow out of it! His sisters will sort him out next week.
Going to bed now, been a difficult few days.

PS Red chinos seem very popular with former Navy officers and that type - avoid!

[Jux]

Have a wonderful time, Trying. Whether you like it or not, you are fab!

[NeedsMoreCowBell]

OP
You have made my day

[Damnautocorrect]

Your ds and his friends sound fantastic! It's certainly a sign you did the right thing.

[AgathaF]

Have a wonderful holiday .