Is this a red flag?

[Tryingtokeepalidonit]

I was widowed 41/2 years ago and met my partner 1 year ago. a few weeks ago he moved in with me. All fine so far. I have 3 DC the younger 2 are at uni both doing Medicine so home less that some other subjects perhaps. All three like him.

Friday, DS (21) came back from four weeks working in an orphanage in Asia. I naturally was delighted to see him and did the normal mum stuff, cooking favourite meals, sorting his washing and just chatting. DP has become visibly irritated by this and this afternoon when DS and I were joking as we tidied up after lunch, to which DP's mother and 2 DD came, said "I am fucking well going out whilst you ignore me for fucking golden boy".

I think I will tell him to move out. He isn't fully unpacked and the tenant has not yet moved into his house because he was having it decorated first. My children will always come first and my reaction made me realise whilst I like him and enjoy his company ( and the sex is good) I don't actually love him and would rather be alone than bring conflict like this into the home. AIBU?

[Rozalia]

Me too, creative, it's been quite depressing lately, the number of women putting up with appalling behaviour from men. Sadly I've been there too, with an abusive, jealous man having to be the centre of my attention.

OP, well done. Please let us know when he's gone and you've saved yourself from years of pain.

[Tryingtokeepalidonit]

Thanks creative but it is a lot easier when you have had a good marriage and are financially independent. Of course now I am sitting here thinking about all the signs I missed like ridiculous road rage.

[pictish]

Definitely not overreacting OP. Listen to your gut instinct because in this case I think it is serving you very well.

[justanaveragegirl]

The fact his DD told you pretty much in not so many words her D is a wanker I would say get shot, and fast!

Well done you for putting DC first. Spoilt man child, who needs one?!

[MyChildDoesntNeedSleep]

Wow, that is awful! Fuming on your behalf!

Sounds like he's jealous of your DS. I'd be feeling like you too. You SHOULD pay attention to your DS when he came home after a stint like that. You should be proud of the amazing son you have brought up. Well done! And I am sorry for your loss.

[woowoo22]

Wow! How vile. Good for you OP.

[category1]

It's good he showed his colours enough before the complete move in. Well done on making the decision.

[pictish]

His eldest DD just confirmed this as she left when she told me not to worry he often lost his temper with her mum but was OK when he calmed down!

Well there you go. As you say. That's what he is and that's what you'd get.

Aren't you glad you have decided against it?

[AlwaysOutnumberedNevrOutgunned]

Bin!

[Tryingtokeepalidonit]

Well he stumbled back at about 9.30 but I had bolted the door. I told him to go to his Mum's, I had told her he would be staying, and had packed a bag for him. I also told him to collect his possessions before I go away next Friday. Fortunately my brother and family are staying at my house while I am away, I will happily refund his share and just go with my golden boy and girls.

It is quite worrying that I had such poor judgement but strangely Mumsnet had been important in my reacting so assertively. I read other posts and think why put up with it and it does always seem to escalate. So I knew it was daft to let it go. Poor old DS felt guilty and reading your replies made him feel better so thank you all.

[Finallyonboard]

You're a wonderful mother! Kick him out!

[TheFullMinty]

Bloody well done on spotting the flag and acting so positively before he got his feet too firmly lodged under your table. Genuinely applaud you for putting yourself and your son above this mans childish ego.

[FadedRed]

Well done OP. Bullet dodged there. Have a great holiday.

[Norest]

Your DS should not feel guilty for this guy acting like an impolite, selfish, spoilt, little child!

You have done the right thing. Hope you enjoy the holiday.

[ElkeDagMeisje]

Wow, what a thing to say! What a nasty specimen.

Had he done anything else to show his true colours?

(I absolutely agree getting rid now is saving a huge amount of trouble later on).

[Rozalia]

Hey OP's son, no guilt. You did your Mum a favour by helping to reveal the guy's true colours. Now you can all have a relaxed happy time.

[gelwax]

Well done for getting rid. What a horrible man!

[FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse]

Your ds definitely has nothing to feel guilty about. He came home just in time to reveal who your XP really is. Imagine if he'd managed to hide it all until he was fully enmeshed in your home and finances?

It's also a great bit of relationship modelling for all the dcs (including his), that bad behaviour and disrespect should not be tolerated in a partner.

Onwards and upwards!

[mmollytoots]

well done op I hope you follow through with ending it. His attitude is disgusting and .ist definitely will only get worse. Childre Should always come first

[kaftanlady]

Your DS should not feel guilty, not at all! This man has shown his true colours early on, and you have saved a lot of heartbreak by asking him to leave now and not further down the line when you have had got used to living together and had some good times which might have made it harder.

As his DD confirmed, this is his what he is like, there never was going to be any happy ever after.

In fact your DS can feel proud he was able to help flush out his bad side sooner so you knew what you were dealing with.

[Handywoman]

Ooh road rage too?

Good on you for kicking him out - congratulations on dodging a bullet smartly.

Enjoy your freedom and your holiday

[Archer26]

Massive red flag. My mil had a similar incident with her partner early on and decided to let it go. (Felt son, my dh, who is 28 should have been punished because he dropped a plate by accident ) Cue a year later him making her choose between him and her children and grandchildren.

Luckily she chose us and has since met another lovely man.

Walk away whilst you can.

[Tryingtokeepalidonit]

Thank you all so much. However on reflection I overlooked other small warning signs. Huffiness when I was busy with work/had plans with others and a shortness when having to wait for service in shops, restaurants etc. Also it was quite straight forward because he stormed off from my house so all I had to do was not let him back in and I had my 6ft 2in DS with me. But life is a learning curve and fortunately I found out in time.

He also disliked the smell of coffee so I am brewing up!

Have a good day everyone, I strangely feel like a weight has been lifted even though until 3pm yesterday I didn't even know there was a problem! DS is being really helpful and has just rung a locksmith and the dog, who never seemed that keen on DP, seems really chirpy.

[Archer26]

Sorry, just sway our update. Well done OP.

Here's to many more happy years with your children and without him!

[Ediemccreedy]

Well done. Hopefully you will give others the courage to follow their instincts wrt red flag waving.