DRY 8!!!!!!

[CheesyNachos]

Hello! This is our 8th! thread for those who are abstaining from alcohol and for those who want to abstain. :) We love newbies and lurkers. We have people who have been DRY for years, for months, for weeks, days, and hours. :) ALL are welcome. We have heaps of tips and we offer support at any stage.

DRY 7 the previous thread is here...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2347295-DRY-7?

Hi all I'm brand new today doctor told me about this thread, I am currently awaiting psychiatrist appt sept 10 and I'm also fighting drinking haven't been to AA yet just came straight on here as I know I can't hide no more. Last drink was earlier today have been drinking since age 13 and now 43 sorry I'm going on a bit would appreciate any advice on dealing with cravings/habit confused finding it v hard habit to break x thanks for listening

Am I in the right place? Is this were we can fight the alcohol battle?

I have a thread HERE about some very recent issues I have had surrounding alcohol.

I have been wobbly the past week. I had a glass of wine just before the guests got here and just in case you don't read my thread, have had my alcoholic Mother staying, who can't help pouring and offering glasses of wine to me. I caved again yesterday and had a small glass but I didn't enjoy it. I feel like I've failed this week after doing so well for a long time. I was finally in a good place.

I need guidance from others who fight the good fight.

Hi Aramynta this is my first day on here last drink about 6hrs ago I have used alcohol for many things blocking out just simply not wanting deal with anything I really hope you're ok don't beat yourself up you're doing the best you can

This is where we are fighting the alcohol battle. Welcome Aramynta welcome Huntswoman. Hi Smiling.

Hi everyone.

Aramynta i just read your thread. Wow, you have had a week from hell.

Hello Huntswoman - Thank you. It's been a terrible week, although that shouldn't be an excuse. How are you feeling today?

Cheesy It has been interesting, to say the least. It's her birthday today, too, but I will be surrounded by other family members too. They will help keep me on the straight!

Hi Aramynta don't know how to make your name go in Bold! Like you a horrible week trying not to buy wine can't just have one glass ends up at two bottles. So this morning I am grateful to be hangover free but have just seen the wine glass from my last drink yesterday and have thrown it in the bin! Tempted to retrieve but I know it's not worth it! How are you feeling this morning?

Morning everyone. Aramynta I just read your thread - it's amazing you drank so little; well done. How long had you been dry beforehand? Don't beat yourself up about it; I'd say you did well under the circumstances, and you have the reason right in front of you telling you why you need to stay focused on not drinking.

Hi Huntswoman too; well done for throwing that drink away. Even whilst drinking I used to hate the smell of leftover wine in glasses the next morning.

Waves to Nachos :)

I've just started reading Rob Lowe's book "Stories I Only Tell My Friends" and it's a great read. Was prompted to get it by seeing a tweet he put out recently celebrating 25 years sobriety: "To those struggling with addiction, there is true, real hope. 25 years ago today, I found recovery; and a life of promise."

I love that. It's a life just beginning, rather than what we fear which is a social life ending by giving up the alcohol.

Can I join in? Was here a long time ago. sorry I have similar name to tsonlyme but don't know how to change name!
Anyways, lying in bed puking and feeling awful. I so want to stop this. Have recently started work with a good counsellor so feel ready-ish to try and stop drinking. Also new challenges coming up in work which a clear head would make so much easier.
I drink a half bottle of vodka every day. I have self induced sickness and diaorreah daily. Staying sober seems out of my reach but I want to try. I'm not very good at this.

Hi sonlyme welcome back x I am breaking or trying to break a 2 bottle of wine daily habit I have type 1 diabetes so am fully aware of what I'm doing to myself each hour that I'm dry is a breakthrough! Wish I'd found this thread earlier and you are better than you think we have an addiction and with support we can get through this x

Thank you Huntswoman. I am also fully aware of the damage i'm doing. Doesn't stop me though! I am determined to give this a real shot. Sick of being sick. Am gonna think of you today. If you can do it so can I. xx

Likewise sonlyme it doesn't stop me either but if we can help each other make a difference to our lives then it has to be worth it ! Luckily I'm on a positive flex today however we know that's not always the case! Thinking of you too if u need me u know where I am

Hi all and welcome to all the new people.

Just had a read of your thread Aramynta, you coped remarkably well, I honestly don't think I could have done that. Hope the birthday celebrations went ok.

How did you get on today sonly and Huntswoman? It can seem out of reach but little by little, day by day you can do it :)

Going to have a look at that book now thanks Teapot. Think I need a little encouragement and reassessing of the sober tools, been having the sneaky thoughts that maybe I might be able to go back to 'normal' drinking soon since I've been off it so long. Pah, where have I heard that before?

Hi LastGleaming struggled around mid afternoon quite a few tears and then started cooking to take my mind off - it's filling the time up time I would've wasted drinking. I'm so glad my doctor mentioned this thread I'm not really wanting to do the AA thing don't know why I'm just not feeling it. Thanks everyone been so helpful and supportive friend came round for cup of teal and we've just got back from taking dogs for a long walk one day AF so very happy

I get those thoughts sometimes Last. I think I reach a kind of tipping point with thinking/reading about alcoholism where I can start to think "well I never did that" and "I wasn't that bad!" Luckily most of the time that I have these thoughts I have plenty of time to rationalise my way back to sanity before there's any danger of actually drinking. I reckon there are probably only 5-6 days a YEAR where I would actually go out and have a better time if I was drinking than staying sober - and for that I mean more in the sense of fitting in, not feeling different. I wouldn't include in that the wedding I went to, which was infinitely better with me not drinking... more those odd occasions eg. at the school fair when someone's going round with glasses of Pimms and I feel like the only person at the whole event who declines to have that "sociable little drinkie". So on balance, since the rest of my life feels calmer and better and as though it has even a shred of focus, in a way that it most definitely didn't before.... I know I need to stay stopped.

How is everyone today?

Sorry missed your post Huntswoman - well done!

The things I found helpful in the first few days/weeks were:

• Totally focusing on self-care. If you're tired, go to bed. Even if it's 8pm It feels novel at first to listen to our bodies and act on what they're telling us, but I really remember starting to love that I was doing so.

• Read up as much as you can on sobriety. I did this mainly for reassurance that there were plenty of others out there 'like me'; that you didn't have to be a drunk on a park bench to want to stop. Recommend Lucy Rocca (anything by her, or looking at her site, Soberistas - which has a chat room plus the ability to blog easily and gain support from others each day), Jason Vale ("Kick the Drink Easily"), Rachel Black ("Sober is the New Black"), Veronica Valli ("Why You Drink and How To Stop"). I also quite liked Della Galton's fiction ("Ice and a Slice" and I think there's a new one out now). I recently read "Girl on a Train" which is also appropriate.

• Listen to the Bubble Hour podcasts. Quite American, but really really good. Lots of identification there as you listen to "real people tell real stories of addiction and recovery" (that's their blurb)

Morning all!

Another tip for the early days.... when your trigger time is (the time of your first drink) do something different. For me I would pack up a picnic, and take my DS to the park and sit while he played. Just shaking the routine up makes it easier.

also.... work out how much you are saving in money from not drinking. That is a massive incentive! I also put a pound coin in a jar for every AF day and then at fairly regular intervals buy myself my 'sober treat'.

Finally, have an alcohol-free drink you look forward to for the critical time.... for me it is Fentiman's rose lemonade or I use Belvoir ginger cordial, topped with dry ginger ale a bit of lime and some fresh mint. It is gorgeous, and fulfills the 'relaxing with a drink' criteria that is a big thing in the early days.

All okay here. Our teenage guest goes home today thank heavens. He has frustrated me terribly. He is 19 and was meant to be here using us as a base to do some holiday fun and activities etc. He has been in the guest bedroom the entire time, comes out just for meals and plays on the computer. He has not had a shower for 10 days and told his father on the phone that the reason why he could not go and do the sporting stuff he was meant to do was because we were too busy to drive him to it. (It's either a 5 minute bus ride or a 20 minute walk away)..... we have been working this week and had no idea apparently we were meant to facilitate him getting his arse out of bed.

He has been mollycoddled to fuck his whole life to be honest.

So..... am very pleased that life will soon be back to normal. Last time I do him or his family a favour I can tell you!

Morning everyone have just woken! Perfect sleep induced from the dog walking last night I feel much calmer today going out again tonight dog walking making it a regular thing. Thank you TeapotDictator & CheesyNachos I have just looked at Soberistas and looks very interesting I have been in denial so long that it's scary to finally admit I have an alcohol problem here's to another AF day thank you everyone. How did you get on yesterday Sonlyme was thinking of you x. Oh what is DS, DM abbreviations??!!

Christ Cheesy that sounds extremely irritating - well done for surviving that. I think I would have been in a non-stop SEETHE

No probs Hunts - DS/DM/etc = 'dear son', 'dear mother' etc... shorthand really. :)

Soberistas really helped me in the first few months. I think to sign up it's pretty cheap too - something like £13 for a 3 month membership. Lots of people on there stopping/trying to stop.

AAAAAAAGGHH!! I DID IT!! So unbelievably chuffed with myself! I really didn't think i could do it. Had a big wobble around the time of my 1st drink (which is afternoons) and thought 'well it's a bit daft starting today, maybe tomorrow...' I even thought ' I can go on mumsnet and lie!' But honestly I did it and feel fantastic. Huge well done Huntswoman I was thinking of you too. Thanks for the tipscheesynachos shaking up my routine is really a must for me as I am entrenched in a strict routine/habit. Eating helps me as I like to drink on an empty stomach and eating spoils it for me. Nervous about today as I like to read the Sunday papers with a bottle of wine. Then vodka. Will try hard. Thanks for your kind welcome and words of support everyone. It helps a lot. xx

Soooo proud!!! Massive well done Sonlyme I knew you could do it and the thought of you trying so hard only made me more determined too!! Today also is my worst day normally start drinking wine around now and will continue till a possible 3rd bottle has been consumed, the fact it's a sunny day also is a big trigger plus adverts on TV for BBQ drinks etc aaarrggghhh lol well here goes everyone good luck I know we can do this

Well done to Hunts andsonly

I agree that its vital to change your routine - go for a walk, maybe take the paper into the garden with a pot of tea or go to the park to read.

It really made me think about what I was missing by drinking in the evenings, I now do so much more, exercise, gardening, reading.

Drinking alcohol is normalised and shown in a "rose tinted" way in this country.
Always perfect happy people sitting in their perfect gardens, the sun always shining.

They don't show the hangover, vomiting, weight gain, crap skin, liver damage, ED admissons and accidents and self loathing that occur as a result.

I was a bit shocked to realise that no one I know drinks just one drink, like they show in the adverts, they either drink to excess or not at all.
That really opened my eyes to the addictive true nature of alcohol.

Sorry to repeat this : what really helped me was not revisiting my decision on a daily basis- a tip from somone who had tried and failed to give up smoking many times.

what really helped me was not revisiting my decision on a daily basis

Thanks for the support pinkpop what do you mean my the above? Is it to mean just do it and don't keep questioning why?

It means not constantly questioning your decision to stop.
It was a light bulb moment for me- why the hell did I question daily whether I was going to drink or not?
The question of why I don't drink is something I do revisit regularly- the misery, tiredness, guilt, being unable to drink in a moderate way, the anxiety and general feeling of shitness*
Obviously you will identify your trigger/reasons for drinking and its vital to work through them .

I had tried so many times to stop but had always been lured back by " you haven't had anything to drink for 4/5/6/7 days, one wont hurt,its sunny/rainy/snowy etc
Of course the one became 2 daily again ,pretty quickly.

The decision was made on 4th July - I do not drink alcohol anymore.

• I think I might trademark this -shitness sums it up for me !