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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DRY 8!!!!!!

999 replies

CheesyNachos · 24/07/2015 12:22

Hello! This is our 8th! thread for those who are abstaining from alcohol and for those who want to abstain. :) We love newbies and lurkers. We have people who have been DRY for years, for months, for weeks, days, and hours. :) ALL are welcome. We have heaps of tips and we offer support at any stage.

DRY 7 the previous thread is here...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2347295-DRY-7?

OP posts:
CheesyNachos · 24/08/2015 09:39

Hi BamBam! Great to have you back. :)

OP posts:
BamBam21 · 24/08/2015 09:58

Hi cheesy! It's a hard slog, but hopefully this time I will do it. Smile We both felt so good after Dry January, and really didn't want to drink again after it, and yet here I am back at this point again.

Frugal meals, I would second baked spuds - DP and I lived on them for a while!Grin Or you could make some big hearty soups with lots of veg and lentils.

CheesyNachos · 24/08/2015 10:16

True, soups....... have an ancient tin of haricots verts in the cupboard..... am eyeing that off. Currently my list includes;

fried dumplings and egg
baked spuds
lentil soup
potato rosti with apple sauce and red cabbage from a jar

good start......

alcohol is so insidious. You give up for a bit, then think 'See, that was not hard. Clearly I do not have a problem. People who have a problem don't just stop. I can start again- I just have to moderate. How hard can that be?' And then alcohol creeps up on you again.

It's a bastard of a thing.

OP posts:
BamBam21 · 24/08/2015 10:23

Sounds good cheesy! I absolutely love lentil soup and baked spuds - I'm easily pleased!Grin

You are right about the booze just creeping back in. It's scary how quickly it gets a hold. I'm just trying hard to remember how good I felt after I had been stopped a couple of weeks, how well I slept and how much less puffy I looked, despite eating anything I could get my hands on! DP looked better too and his skin wasn't so sore, and we just felt more relaxed and calm altogether.

custardcreamdreams · 24/08/2015 13:51

Welcome back bambam, glad you've decided to rejoin us! I have rosacea and my skin definitely flares up more when drinking so think you're onto something.

Cheesy Tuscan bean soup is delicious to use up the beans.
Emm lentil dahl or falafel
Some curries can work out cheap if you have all the spices already and only have to buy the meat or veg like aubergine
Risotto
Omelettes, Spanish tortilla omelette with potato and onions is a fav of mine.
If you eat meat, mince dishes are fairly economical.

Note my kids would live on pasta and spag bol given half the chance.

I'm having thick chicken broth with crusty bread myself tonight.

gladistopped · 24/08/2015 14:14

Still here still Dry :) Just been re reading old threads and my journals. I am so much happier when I don't drink it is so obvious. One day (hour , minute) at a time and I must be vigilant not to get complacent and think "just one will be ok" cos it never is, for me.

BamBam21 · 25/08/2015 11:35

Yay, we're back up and running! Hate this whole hacker nonsense. Sad

This is day 2 for me Grin, and feeling quite good, although deathly tired as I didn't sleep well. I know that will settle down though, and at least I'm not hungover for a change!

Hi custard! I definitely think that drinking affects skin conditions. My dad was an alcoholic (it killed him at age 55) and he had bad psoriasis which really flared up when he went on a binge. DP says he feels a difference even if he just doesn't drink for a day or two.

Hi glad!

BCBG · 25/08/2015 13:10

Hi - wondering if I would be welcome here - I could really use some support Smile. I am one of those 50 something middle class drinkers, I guess, half a bottle of wine a night, six days a week for more than twenty years. read on BBC last night that that puts me at imminent risk of fatty liver and then liver disease. Funny thing is, I don't get drunk, don't want more/have a natural off switch, but absolutely LOVE wine. I have low blood pressure, I'm slim, had health check for menopause in Jan and tests ok. I don't dispute the health risk/facts though, not at all. I'm 53 and don't want to risk my health any further than Ive done already. I'm also writing a novel and wine o clock is getting in the way. BUT, I am also a severe hypochondriac at times and that can cause me severe anxiety. I read last night that stopping allows the liver to start shedding the fat it has accumulated? I can't help thinking that if I've already damaged myself beyond repair then I might as well carry on, just moderate a bit. But to be honest, if there is a chance I can actually undo a little of the damage then I think I'd rather just go AF. Reading this thread has made me realise that its best just to make a decision and go with it, rather than keep questioning it which is what I've done in the past. Looking for support and understanding, I think. In fact, I think I have already made the decision to go AF if I'm honest, which at the moment I feel sad about - as a writer it has been part of my self image for a long time and so i need to reinvent myself slightly, I think. Or rediscover myself, perhaps.

CheesyNachos · 25/08/2015 13:52

Hello!!!!! Yay! We are back on. Stupid Hackers. Tosspots.

You are welcome here BCBG. :)

It's interesting what you say about drinking being part of the self-image of a writer. Sarah Hepola discusses that quite a bit in her book 'Blackout'. It is worth a read if you are interested.

You and yours on Radio 4 had an interesting discussion today aboyt 'older drinkers'. They were concentrating on people aged in their 60s, but I am 42 and it resonated for me and was interesting. I am also currently reading
www.amazon.co.uk/Dying-Drink-Tim-Cantopher-ebook/dp/B0071B6WBM

It is very good.... highly recommended. :)

Hope everyone is fine. I felt lost without MN!

OP posts:
custardcreamdreams · 25/08/2015 19:48

Ohh I've read that cheesy. It is very good, quite scary with the medical facts but I like that.

Welcome BCBG. I can also be very health aware verging on hypochondria at times, alcohol made it much worse. Not a hcp but I would think if the liver was damaged in some way, drinking would put what is left under more pressure. It's win/win for stopping but that's only my opinion Grin Good to have you here anyway.

Waves to glad and bambam. Hope everyone else is still positive and plugging onwards.

gladistopped · 25/08/2015 20:14

I read the whole of the Jason Vale book last night :) In one go :) Really resonated with me.

I would not have one spliff/shoot up once with Heroin and think I could get away with it, so why would I want to have a drink when alcohol is just as addictive?

And given I have cut out all other sugar because I recognise how pointless and addictive THAT is, why would I accept a drink of alcohol, which is full of sugars ( carbs) and also addictive in its own, different way?

it really did make sense to me.

So as Jason suggests, no more counting the dry days. I gave up alcohol on 22 August 2015. I think I can do this if I retrain my thinking - I really want to as I recognise it is an addictive substance and is doing me untold harm. Even in a small, moderated amount. And I also get what he says about not being an alcoholic once you stop drinking IF you chose not to drink - rather than desiring to drink but controlling the impulse as that way the alcohol is still in control of your thoughts ...

Thank you whoever suggested reading it :)

BamBam21 · 26/08/2015 10:00

Hi everyone!

Well, I have now completed 2 days AF, so day 3 for me. Yay! Grin I am chuffed. Still feeling really tired though.

glad I tried the Jason Vale book, but his style just annoyed me!Blush It just seemed like a total rip-off of the Allen Carr stop smoking book, but with "smoking" replaced with "drinking". Glad it helped you though. It's funny how we are all so different and all have different strategies and things which resonate with us.Smile

Just waiting for my Tesco delivery here. Life really is non-stop fun in this house!Grin

Smilingforth · 26/08/2015 14:46

Keep going. I'm very proud!

mulranna · 26/08/2015 15:43

Hello can I ask for a friend who does not want to do AA in a public setting - any recommendations for alcohol counselling/support in SW or W London - she is going x2 bottles of wine a day - starting at 7am "sipping" through the day so never appears drunk to anyone.

PinkPopPonyTrotsOn · 26/08/2015 22:10

Hello mulranna welcome
I think with that level of intake which is about 18- 20 units (roughly) per day ,so if your friend drinks that daily its 126-140 units per week, your friend really needs to seek medical advice .
This is so that the he/she avoids sudden withdrawal which can cause seizures and be very dangerous.( drinking in the morning indicates self medicating withdrawal)
GP will assess any damage and refer for further support, provide supportive medications.

There are lots of support forums ,sorry am not in London but Im sure someone will be along with advice on local groups.

custardcreamdreams · 27/08/2015 09:35

Also nowhere near London, sorry mulranna

BamBam I thought exactly the same about the Jason Vale book Grin

I don't really count days anymore either glad and got rid of the app on my phone. I do know when a months rolls round and I occasionally nip onto the Living Sober website and pop in the date to check but I don't religiously count. I did at the start however as it was nice for me to see the days racking up.

We are back to school here!! Already in two days my house is getting back into shape. Judging from the weather outside autumn has arrived so task for today is to pack the summer clothes away and bring out the winter woolies again

NotdeadyetBOING · 27/08/2015 10:46

Hi Mulranna. I would remind your friend that AA is a safe place and all sorts of well known people go to the meetings - but confidentiality is respected. I drank about that amount and AA saved my life. The trouble with going down the GP route is that they tend to suggest 'drinking less' and all the 'moderation' advice. Which is great for most people, but doesn't work for people with alcohol dependency. Inability to practice moderation is precisely the problem. Abstinence far easier, bizarrely, than moderation. How about getting your friend to call the AA helpline? She definitely needs help as I'm sure you know.

BamBam21 · 27/08/2015 14:18

Hi everyone. Day 4 here and feeling okay. Wish my sleep would sort itself out though, as I feel shattered! DP finishes up at work today for a long weekend. One year ago tomorrow, his brother took his own life, so he is meeting up with his mum for lunch. I just hope that it doesn't set him back in terms of getting depressed, drinking etc, as I know that if he has a drink I will have one too. At least we have Dry September coming up, so that will keep us on the straight and narrow.

custard glad you agree! I don't know how he wasn't sued by Allen Carr!!Grin It's brilliant when something just clicks for somebody and really makes a difference though.

Our school went back last week, and it's nice to have that wee bit of space. I miss the kids being here, but I think they were getting bored and were ready to go back. It's like autumn here too, and the trees are starting to change colour!Shock

Lucy2610 · 27/08/2015 16:49

Afternoon ladies - fell off the thread again! Ooh I'm looking forward to mine going back end of next week! Grin Mulranna unless your friend can taper down from that amount on her own she needs medical support to stop. You or she can search local drug and alcohol treatment services if doesn't want to go to GP and they should be able to help/signpost.
According to Jason Vale the ideas were his and stolen by Allen Carr when they worked together - or so the rumour goes. Don't know how true it is but that's what I heard.

TeapotDictator · 27/08/2015 17:19

I don't particularly buy that Lucy, since AC's drinking concept is exactly the same as his smoking one. There is no difference, so unless Jason is saying that he came up with the original smoking concept then... Hmm Trouble with all of it is that it's not exactly patent-worthy stuff, is it, the idea that we've all been sold a pup re. alcohol and cigarettes and that actually they confer no value or benefit whatsoever..?

glad I was very into that way of thinking when I first stopped, having attended an Allen Carr seminar day as my pivotal stop-point. But as time's gone on, I really have come to think that it's far less simple than he/they make out. I agree with of his points but I don't agree that we're all equally likely to become addicted, and that those "further up the pitcher plant" have only a matter of time before they start to drink in a more disordered way. I don't think you can escape the fact that some of us drink differently to others. Some people can sit with a glass of wine all evening and some of us haven't been able to your years and years, and maybe never could. I think it was Johann Hari recently who published a book containing the shocking statistic that if you suffered a significant childhood trauma you are 4600% more likely to become a drug addict.

So although I don't like (or use) the term "alcoholic", I think we can get lost in the semantics of it. The fact is, I believe, that some of us (call us addicts or alcoholics or problem drinkers or "those who realised their lives would be less chaotic if they stopped drinking" Wink) are wired differently and are disposed to addictive behaviours. The more I read about those people treading the sobriety path, the more common factors I read about. People tending towards perfectionism, highly sensitive types, often from an early age feeling awkward or as though they don't quite 'fit in', drinking to make us feel relaxed in social situations because actually we're a bit introverted and can't quite face it... all of these things tie together.

So although I don't like the term alcoholic because I think it confers a negative stereotype, and sounds like it's describing a group of people struggling with life, I don't think it particularly matters. I feel the same way about Jason's attitude towards counting days. I don't count days because I'm sitting here hand-wringing and wishing I could drink. My count is a celebration of time that's passed since the moment I realised that life would be better without the booze. It's a celebratory look ahead rather than a wistful look behind.

Having said all of that, I think the AC and JV books are great at shaking up all of society's delusions about alcohol and spurred me into being able to being brave enough to stop in the first place. And without that I wouldn't have the clarity to think anything, because I'd still be mired in the booze Wink Grin

gladistopped · 27/08/2015 19:24

You see, apart from the " tending towards perfectionism" bit, not one bit of what you wrote applies to me Teapot Dictator :)

I am outgoing, gregarious, sociable - not shy at all :) am an extrovert, tbh. That is when sober and I have always been like this - even as a child ...and even before "bad things" were done to me ...

And I used to drink normally - sit over a glass all evening, not bother to drink at all or just soft drinks and never even thought about it tbh - I could really take it or leave it for years and years, until my late 40's

it is only in the last few years, when I started to use alcohol to self medicate for the spiralling awfulness of life, that I really began to have a problem with drinking.

So maybe that is why JV has chimed with me?

Anyway - it seems to have worked for me - not only am I not drinking but I feel no desire to and can happily pass the wine bottle to my DH/pour him a glass ( he can have just one!) etc.

Maybe some of this is because I have finally worked through all the horrible issues from my past and have made my peace with it all :) but it does all feel very different this time , it really does :)

MuttonDressedAsGoose · 27/08/2015 19:25

Hello! Can I join you?

I've been on the fence about my drinking. I've never been physically dependent but there have been times in my life where I've felt like I drink too much. Sometimes I do crave a drink - when I'm cranky and sort of tired. A pint makes me feel so much better. And getting out of the house to have one at a pub feels like a real break.

Lately I've been travelling a lot for work and I have a lot of down time in hotels and I've found myself drinking a lot in the afternoons. By "a lot" I mean a couple of pints in the mid afternoon, and maybe another in the evening.

Then, on occasion I will go out and "tie one on." I sometimes get out of control on these nights out. I do and say things I regret and spend the next day feeling wretched. Often this happens even after resolving to drink in moderation. I've literally gone out to a quiet social meet-up, resolving to only have a couple of beers and then people buy me drinks and then I and a couple of die-hards will go out and end up drinking until the very last club in town shuts as the sun is coming up. I will then miss work the next day. (I'm self-employed so I can sort of get away with it but it's not financially good for me.)

I've put on a bit of weight and I don't like missing work due to hangovers.

Anyway, I initially wanted to tackle the weight so I decided to cut out sweets/fizzy drinks. I couldn't face the idea of giving up drinking. "Just sweets for now." Lo and behold, when I don't eat sugary things, I crave alcohol much less!

gladistopped · 27/08/2015 19:25

Oh, and not addicted to anything (else) - well maybe gardening ;)

gladistopped · 27/08/2015 19:28

Welcome Mutton

I find if I ate lots of or very processed carbs then I used to crave alcohol as well but when I went on a low carb high fat diet I had much less craving - when I had a carb meal the craving came back - when I had a fat meal I was ok?

Don't know if this helps at all :)

MuttonDressedAsGoose · 27/08/2015 20:26

I've read that fluctuations in blood sugar - dips in blood sugar levels - will induce cravings. Hence my wanting to drink in the mid-to-late afternoons when I am most likely to feel cranky and tired.

I'm just doing little bits at a time. Avoiding a fizzy drink one meal at a time, not having cake in the afternoon. And while I'm not really craving alcohol I still will drink if I go out socially.

But last night I went to a gig and only drank because I felt like I should. I needed to break a £20 for change... then someone gave me a beer. Finally, I ordered a third pint but just didn't want it so I stopped drinking it and left half of it. I was afraid that I might drink too much but I didn't. Maybe not having sugary stuff during the day helped with that. I don't know.

But in the future I think I would rather just not feel buying a drink out of habit.

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