Dumped I think

[Blossomflowers]

Need to get this out there. So met a guy on line a few months ago. Things went a hundred miles and hour, mainly him pushing things. our kids met, stayed at each other house, talking about holidays tog even mentioned marriage. We get on very, but sadly his 13 daughter has really struggled and is very jealous. I was willing to take a step back and he spent all last week with her and most of this week was planned as father daughter time ( no problem other than sad as we missed each other so I thought) I was never critical and did my best with her, she said she really liked me but just wanted dad all for her own. However this weekend his seemed to cool and has announced this morning that he does not know how he feels about us. Can't believe he can go from me so say being love of his life and "being the one" to this. He has asked for a couple of days to think but I think this is it, so sad. I am not going to try and turn him around but just feel sad and need a bit of hand holding

Have you had a relationship with someone with children before Blossom? I think the expectation versus the reality of this always comes as a shock. It did to me in my previous relationship as you have no option to embrace the dynamic as is and it rarely fits nicely and cleanly with a new relationship. All my friends who are in relationships/married to men with previous marriages/children feel the same. The pressures of different parenting skills, the ex in the background...the stepchild who if it wasn't for their existence life would be idyllic and so much more straightforward..... nobody is proud to feel like that...but they all do without exception and I've never met a woman yet (however lovely) that this doesn't apply to.

The relationship I am in now is child free on his side - I have to be brutally honest and say its a walk in the park compared to blending children and families together.

Yes I have actually, I agree it makes things tricky. I actually sat his daughter down a few weeks ago and told her that I was no way trying to take her dad away and that she would always been his number one. At my age is is highly unlikely that someone I date will not have kids and if they don't I would want to know why, if that makes any sense.

Yes I do understand that. I'm 43 my dp is 37 and has done a lot of travelling. Never wanted children and I certainly am not in the market for anymore I've found it is undeniably easier from the outset. But as you say at this age its a rarity. I do think girls and their fathers are trickier to navigate than mums and their sons. Girls do need that bond with their dad in their formative years because if they don't have that male attention they will seek it out elsewhere. They also learn from their dad how men treat women don't they so in some ways I think its commendable that he is prioritising her so strongly. She deserves to be her parents priority until such time as she's developed enough as a person to be independent. So I think you're right to recognise that and that's commendable too. I just think this dynamic isn't the one for you, right now. But nobody knows what the future holds

Thank you three, the whole thing is very messy and I have been doing a lot of thinking this past week. I am not entirely comfortable the way he treats her either he is incredibly controlling and not kind, one incident he refused to buy her chocolate as he said her spots were disgusting, had to point out that acne was pretty much par for the course being a teenager and all, and there is no medical evidence that chocolate causes spots ( did not go down too well)I wanted to intervene on a couple of occasions but felt it was not my place to do so. This controlling behaviour was stating to be directed at me to and I am not going to put up with it. Think I had a lucky escape really.