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Original poster

Dumped I think

80 replies

Blossomflowers · 21/07/2015 13:10

Need to get this out there. So met a guy on line a few months ago. Things went a hundred miles and hour, mainly him pushing things. our kids met, stayed at each other house, talking about holidays tog even mentioned marriage. We get on very, but sadly his 13 daughter has really struggled and is very jealous. I was willing to take a step back and he spent all last week with her and most of this week was planned as father daughter time ( no problem other than sad as we missed each other so I thought) I was never critical and did my best with her, she said she really liked me but just wanted dad all for her own. However this weekend his seemed to cool and has announced this morning that he does not know how he feels about us. Can't believe he can go from me so say being love of his life and "being the one" to this. He has asked for a couple of days to think but I think this is it, so sad. I am not going to try and turn him around but just feel sad and need a bit of hand holding

OP posts:
andthenagain · 21/07/2015 17:52

Blossomflowers l remember your back story.

Come on girl you know you deserve better than this :)

Lovingfreedom · 21/07/2015 17:56

Keep the watch it's a present. Sounds like he's still involved with his ex at some level and isn't available for a relationship with you.

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 21/07/2015 18:54

andthe thank you, I know I do. I just fell for it all, I even had that conversation at the beginning whether he was ready. He has done a right number on me , having a good cry tonight and some wine, I will be ok I know I will just thought I had a chance of happiness, think I need to get a little mad. Loving temping about watch but that is not me.

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butterflygirl15 · 21/07/2015 19:30

just put the watch in a jiffy bag and post it back. send special delivery if you are concerned. Though why you should return a gift is beyond me.

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 21/07/2015 19:45

butter because 2 reasons it would remind me of him the other I don't want him to think I am money grabbing, as money so important to him. Mind you lawn mower will not fit in jiffy bag lol.

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CalmItKermit · 21/07/2015 20:43

does it really matter if he thinks you are money grabbing?, it was a gift. If you don't want it take it to a charity shop. You do not have to see him at all, items can be returned without a face to face.

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 21/07/2015 21:16

calm it is more what I think. Just because he is being a knob does not mean I have to stoop to his level is what I am thinking.

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Cabrinha · 21/07/2015 21:29

I wouldn't have accepted an expensive gift a couple of months in. But having done so, I certainly wouldn't be returning it! And he hasn't even asked for it! Just stick it in a drawer until you've cried it out for a couple of weeks, then flog the bloody thing.

I don't suppose it has that much to do with the daughter - he was on the rebound and rushed at things with you. Bloody unfair on you, what a cock Sad I'm sorry he's hurt you.

I'd dispute your view that he's a good dad. Good dads have better judgement than to have a young teen daughter (almost certainly a hard age) involved in sleepovers and meeting the family of a woman he's know for a few months within what - 7 months or so? - of her mother going off with a new boyfriend that she has to live with Hmm

Poor kid. I really do think once you come through this initial gut punching hurt, you'll start to think you're not missing out.

Flowers take care of yourself.

pictish · 21/07/2015 21:34

I wouldn't return it either. Keep it. It's yours.

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 21/07/2015 21:41

Canbrin the watch thing was weird he wanted me to wear it not sure why, then said I could have it a few weeks later, I kind of never accepted. I also have sympathy with daughter so hence why I withdrew, just got caught up in everything. To be honest their relationship is a bit weird. On reflection all to quick but always him pushing.

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Original poster
Blossomflowers · 21/07/2015 21:46

And thanks this is helping me talking it through. I have been separated for 18 months and ready to move on but him clearly not.

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UrethraFranklin1 · 21/07/2015 21:53

Bit much for you to call the daughter manipulative. Her parents split less than a year ago, then hes introducing her to women he barely knows and trying to play happy families with her and her children....if hes finally putting his children first its the only sensible thing he has done.

Sorry youre upset by it, but take it as a good lesson for the future. You both went far too quickly and acted irresponsibly. Youre better off out of it, and the assortedchildren are too.

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 21/07/2015 22:24

A bit judgmental Urethra hardly playing happy families, it seems the mother has not taken her daughter into consideration. We have just dated and spent a handful of times togeather and he has has lots of quality time with his daughter and I have been very considerate os the situation.

OP posts:
UrethraFranklin1 · 21/07/2015 22:33

All your posts are blaming a child for breaking up your lovely relationship. You're judgemental enough about this poor child, I'm sure you can take a little yourself.

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 21/07/2015 22:39

I have not blamed a child for this you clearly have your own agenda on this.

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Botanicbaby · 21/07/2015 22:39

aw I feel for you OP but I agree with PP, please do not meet him f2f to return stuff, from what you have said it all sounds like it has been pretty much on his terms (him pushing things too quickly then him cooling down and needing time to think all the while you are left dangling).

Take back some control and don't agree to meet. I don't doubt his daughter needs him and has been through a lot from the sounds of it but I think he's using her as an excuse too. You sound very considerate and its his loss, not yours. I hope you meet someone that you deserve. Oh and keep the watch, it was a gift (or give it to charity if you don't want a reminder. doesn't matter what he thinks about money, he has made his decision so you make yours!) Flowers

UrethraFranklin1 · 21/07/2015 23:09

I have no agenda, I can read though. Your entire thread is about the kid and how she is jealous and manipulative and so on. The real problem is that you rushed a relationship with someone you barely know at all.
Whatever, if you don't want constructive advice, up to you.

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 21/07/2015 23:23

I have rushed nothing, her mother is living with a 30 year old. We have dated and spent a small amount tog.And yes children can play one off against the other. The mother uses her daughter as a weapon, do you? My son wants me to be happy.

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insouciance · 22/07/2015 01:04

It does suck, but I disagree with you saying "I have rushed nothing". I know it's easy to believe that everything will be ok when it's all at the honeymoon stage, but it was way too early for his daughter to meet you and your children. He should have realised that, you both should have. It was too soon after her parents' break-up and if her mother is behaving badly and inappropriately then it is all the more reason for him to keep new relationships completely away from her for a while longer yet. Onwards and upwards though, it's done now.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 22/07/2015 07:12

Urethra is right, you have clearly rushed things and the children should have been left well out of it for a lot longer. Of course the poor child is distressed and confused.

In future, be very wary of the ones who come on strong and keep them at even more of a distance until you are sure of them.

Cabrinha · 22/07/2015 07:22

Oh come on Blossom, you can't say you've rushed nothing after your own OP said you went at a "hundred miles an hour" Hmm

Even if it was him pushing it, you went along with it.

You knew him 'a few months' which sounds like 3? So 7 months after the child got a new 'stepdad' in her home and had to process her mum's affair. Now you say she was being used as a weapon by her mother - even more reason that you and her father should have kept your relationship away from her for now.

Her mother's behaviour does not sound ideal. Although her XH isn't sounding great here, so I'm beginning to have sympathy for her leaving him! But not for an affair, and not for making her daughter live with him so quickly.

But look - I think you're now displacing who is in the wrong from the 'manipulative' daughter to the 'bad' mother.

The person who has pissed his daughter about here, and you too, is HIM.

So the daughter said "yeah she's OK but I want you to myself?". That's not manipulation! She went from having her dad full time to weekends only, and after what 7-8 months she's now sharing the weekends? I don't think it's manipulative for her to say she's unhappy.

I'm sorry you're hurt by his behaviour but you need to stop blaming the mother and daughter and blame HIM. He wanted the whirlwind romance, pushed it, now it's slightly hard because he has to deal with his daughter's feelings do he's thrown in the towel.

Live and learn, move on.

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 22/07/2015 07:32

Exactly what Cabrinha said. Poor child has had a very confusing time of late. Ten months is no time at all to have to process two significant new others in your parents lives!

This is exactly the reason that it's advisable to keep children away from new relationships and not introduce them too soon.

Cabrinha · 22/07/2015 07:32

Just skimmed back through.

You have said that 'money is important to him' - you don't expand on that, but it doesn't sound like a compliment! Especially coupled with you thinking he would call you money grabbing.

Then you said the watch thing was weird because he pushed you to wear it - but only gifted it to you some weeks later. You're not a Barbie for him to dress up - give you a watch, don't give you a watch. Pushing you to wear it sounds odd.

You say his relationship with his daughter was anyway weird.

So look... I suspect that you could quite easily make a list of reasons he's not for you - even before you add in his rushing and now flakiness. And if you think he wasn't right for you, hopefully you can move on quicker Flowers

DarkNavyBlue · 22/07/2015 12:47

You seem to think that his wife's bad behaviour excuses his slightly less bad behaviour.

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 22/07/2015 13:37

Thanks all, well I have to agree with a lot of what has been said. There are a lot of red flags, guess I was in a different place been separated for 18 months, I really thought he was the one and got swept along, it really was him driving things. I suppose due to work and having his daughter every weekend just made it nigh on impossible to meet. He had put in place a different schedule for the summer which would have allowed him to spend time with her and us separately but that does not satisfy everyone, I would happily of given time. For what is is worth I do think a parent is allowed some me time.. I am bailing out.

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