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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

partener left me on holiday

120 replies

lynnbaxter123 · 19/07/2015 13:20

I'm currently on holiday in Bulgaria with my other half and the 2 kids, we were already arguing before we left the airport and now he's told me we're finished and we haven't seen him for 2 days. I don't know where he's sleeping he won't answer calls or text messages and the kids are heart broke. We've been looking forward to this for so long and now I don't know what to do. I can barely find my way around the hotel complex im useless with that sort of thing. I just want to go home but can't as i ve got another week here yet. Trying to keep the kids happy but I just want to cry. Anyone offer any advice

OP posts:
IthoughtATMwasacashpoint · 19/07/2015 13:55

Has he taken his passport with him?

Garlick · 19/07/2015 14:03

Good god, poor you Flowers

"at least I know what he's really like now." - Yup, you do! :( Angry

I agree with everyone saying: report him missing; change hotel key; tell staff he's not welcome; explain to children; stop contacting him.

I lose the ability to find my way around when I'm in an emotional state - I've recently realised I'm dyspraxic, so that sort of thing takes a bigger effort than it would for most people. I'd get hold of some maps and leaflets, then get the DC to figure out places to go and how to get there.

Have you got enough money/credit to buy some excursions? Basically, you're in the very odd position of having just seen your marriage end AND being on the holiday you'd take to help get over it! Highly tense & confusing, but as things are it's best to do everything you can to fill your week with great experiences. You can start overwriting your grumpy, alcoholic husband right now. Wishing you luck - you can do it!

Garlick · 19/07/2015 14:07

Yes - Do tell the reps and ask for specific support :)

LIZS · 19/07/2015 14:16

Agree with pp. stop chasing him and ignore any responses. If he hasn't taken his passport or ticket leave them at reception to collect if he needs them now or with a rep when you leave. In the meantime focus on making sure the kids have as nice a time as you can manage. Locate the pools and dining areas, kids club and activities. How old are dc, can they help? You should have a contact no for the reps . I'm sure one would visit and take you under their wing if you feel vulnerable.

Penfold007 · 19/07/2015 14:26

lynn have you got the passports for you and the children? If not speak to the holiday rep as a matter of urgency.

Speak to the rep and the hotel anyway, get the key changed if possible and get them to ensure the three of you are sat on a different part of the plane for the return journey. Can you contact friends or family to pick you up at the airport and so keep you all away from him?

You need to put on your brave mummy face make the rest of stay as nice as possible. At least your all inclusive so don't have to worry about food etc.

Once home start making plans to live your life free of this idiot.

FenellaFellorick · 19/07/2015 14:27

what an absolute arse he is.

I hope he doesn't think he can bog off doing god knows what with god knows who for a fortnight and then crawl back to you the day before you leave with a big bunch of flowers and claims of being sooooooo sorry.

butterfly133 · 19/07/2015 14:44

in terms of not being able to find your way round - look for memorable marks so you can stay on track a bit. Turn it into a game with LOs - say "help me find the dining area by remembering, what do we see on the way there - red umbrella" etc etc.

I'd gird yourself though, it's his holiday, he will reappear.

ImperialBlether · 19/07/2015 14:44

He's more likely to crawl back and blame her for his behaviour.

CamelHump · 19/07/2015 14:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Binkleflip · 19/07/2015 14:51

This may be stating the obvious op but what is the history here?

Is there any chance he planned this so he has a head start on a nasty divorce? Does anyone at home have a key to your house so you can have them go round and make safe any paperwork/valuables etc? They could change the locks but if your stbxh is on the deeds he can get access anyway so you need important things moved elsewhere.

Perhaps you should contact your bank to freeze any joint accounts, make safe savings and credit cards and let them know what is happening and change all your access details? Change all passwords on accounts, email etc.

Be careful, protect your assets as best you can remotely and enjoy your holiday as best you can? What a chump - you are well rid Flowers

ChilliAndMint · 19/07/2015 15:28

I think you must contact your rep and have him reported as missing..

Aside from the fact he was being an arse you cannot underplay the seriousness of someone doing a vanishing act especially in a foreign country, coupled with the fact he has been on a massive bender.

My guess is that he is just out on the lash but it could be something a lot more serious.

The most important thing is for him to be found ASAP. Only then can you decide what is to become of your future relationship with him.

Donthate · 19/07/2015 15:34

Report him missing.

Have you got your passports? Have you got his.

Ataraxy · 19/07/2015 15:46

Do you feel that he could have planned this before you left? If he's taken his passport then there's a possibility that he's already gone home. Do you have family/friends to check whether he's back home?

Ah, I see I'm thinking the same as Binkleflip. Good advice there.

sensiblesometimes · 19/07/2015 15:46

Try and see it as a practice run ..life without the manipulative selfish man , he knows exactly what this is doing to you and your mind ....be bigger than him
...prove how independent you are with out him

QuickSketchOfRoom · 19/07/2015 15:47

I would speak to Reps and try and move hotels so you can genuinely relax knowing you won't have to see him and deal with his re-appearance just before you head home on his terms. Did he take his belongings and passport? I am wondering if he planned this so that he could have a boozey holiday without the responsibility of kids and thinks he will just turn up at the end of the holiday and you'll forgive him. I would enjoy your holiday and try and change flights if possible so you don't need to see him. Do you think he has flown home? Could you call a neighbour and see if there's any signs he is home? Arrange friend/family to pick you up at airport. I am so sorry you're going through this. It's unforgivable. He is so selfish and a total arse. Flowers

CamelHump · 19/07/2015 15:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sensiblesometimes · 19/07/2015 15:51

Report him missing yes ...but this is his choice ..so don't take responsibility for him or his actions ....I had a boyfriend who did this to me quite regularly I would my my self ill with worry ..he was always on a bender shagging other women ......and being extremely cruel with me and my emotions
I thing you should be bloody cross .....

ImperialBlether · 19/07/2015 16:08

I wouldn't report him missing. He's not missing, he's just gone off.

CamelHump · 19/07/2015 16:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mintyy · 19/07/2015 16:13

Why are people saying report him missing?

Wideopenspace · 19/07/2015 16:13

Reporting him missing is important, I think. He is, after all, missing. But it also wouldn't do him any harm to be picked up by the local police.....

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 19/07/2015 16:14

There is an up-side to all this: at least you don't have the burden of responsibility for a drunken man-child on top of looking after your kids for the next week.

If you have your passports and tickets in your possession, all is good.

Hoick up your big girl pants and show your kids that you are the responsible one, not this selfish, waste-of-space prick.

You're in an all-inclusive resort so you're all quite safe. Also, I would not report him as missing as this would just stir up all sorts of added complications for you which you just don't need right now. He can look out for himself. Just pack up his shit if he hasn't already taken it all with hm and leave it with reception. If they can give you another room which he doesn't have a key for, that would be better.

AND NO MORE CALLS AND TEXTS! He's probably enjoying seeing your distress. Contact folks at home and tell them what he's done to you and see if someone can arrange to pick you up at the airport.

ImperialBlether · 19/07/2015 16:15

I don't think things happen to men like that - this isn't a nice guy who's gone off and got drunk and can't be contacted. This is a man who was arguing before he got on the plane, told her she was dumped and has switched his phone off/monitored his calls since. He's on holiday with free alcohol, which he was throwing back like water, according to the OP. The longer he stays away the more chance she has of having a lovely holiday.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 19/07/2015 16:19

"if he's not responding to any texts then there is a chance that something has happened to him"

The only thing that's likely happened to him is that the drunken pillock has forgotten to take his charger when he stalked off.

I'd leave him to stew in his own juice. He wants to be free of responsibilities, so he can fend for his bloody self.

What an arsehole

Wideopenspace · 19/07/2015 16:22

Things DO happen to men like that Imperial - he's an arse, and being an arse gets people into all manner of trouble.

And as I said, being picked up by the police, especially if they kept him in jail for the night, would be no bad thing...

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