Advice needed- husband about to leave

[ThreePipeProblem]

A month or so ago my dh said he didn't love me anymore and wanted to leave. It came as a huge shock as I thought we were just going through a blip. We've been together for 15 yes, married for 10 and have two dcs.

Prior to his announcement dh was going out all the time and was having what I felt was an emotional affair, although he denied it. He had become v secretive with his phone etc.

We're now at the stage where he is looking for somewhere else to live. I'm just devastated. I just don't recognise him as being my dh. He is so cold and emotionless.

I don't recognise myself in this - hence the mn name change. I've been so pathetic. I've sobbed and begged for him to try again. I feel so rejected and worthless. I'm dreading having to tell the dcs. They're 6 and 4.

He wants to say he is working away and delay telling them. I think that's ridiculous as it just delays the inevitable especially as he wants to take them overnight one night each weekend and have contact in the week at home.

Sorry this so so long. I just want some clarity on what to do. Hardly anyone in rl knows as I want the children to know first.

I'm feeling less pathetic this morning and thank you, I know you are all right. I'm sorry so many of you have been in the same position.

I've been writing myself a list of practical stuff and a 'to do' list. I do need to focus on a new start. Emotionally it is easier to wallow than to move on.

Three, you are NOT pathetic, this is quite possibly the most painful experience you'll ever suffer. Just horrendous. If there is anything I can do, please PM me. I got all the scars, promise .

He is the pathetic one putting you through all this worry. Selfish creature! With two small children. That is a good idea writing a list and working though it.

Good luck, three

I've got lots of lists too. If I get one task done a day I count it a success.

Take care.

Thanks everyone. It's hard being in limbo. I need him to go so I can start some practical moving on stuff.

Would it be odd to tell the dcs but him not leave immediately? Maybe it is selfish but I want to get it done because I'm dreading it.

Three, I think you need to ask him to make arrangements to leave, rent somewhere or whatever, then tell the DC's. It will be confusing for them if he is still there and they think everything is normal. My ex tried this one..."oh I won't leave straight away", er, you will. I got every last thing of his personal belongings, piled them up in the lounge and told him to go. He did and moved straight in with OW. I was at least then able to speak to the children. It's hideous, but limbo is much worse .

It's not selfish - it's what you need to do right now.
Tell him you can't cope with the situation as it is and make sure he leaves asap. Tell the kids together later today.

everything formidablemrsCsays

I wouldn't bother breaking in (tempting though it is)- why torture yourself even more. He's shown he is an a*e, and all the signs point to an affair. It sounds like your life will be a lot more calm when he moves out. And if he is moving the argument that the house is his so he could use is is complete c*p. Please, see a solicitor, they can advise you and they will write him a letter setting out what is reasonably expected of him. Photocopy any payslips/bank accounts etc of his before he scarpers. My solicitor has just sent me a draft of letter that my soon to be ex-H will be getting- setting out that he shouldn't be coming to the house except to pick kids up and drop them off and also what is expected of him financially. They can do it so diplomatically, as they are not emotionally involved.

stabbing yourself in the leg and complaining it hurts too right!