Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

In need of help...

74 replies

HurtingBadly · 12/07/2015 17:59

Thank you for opening my post, I changed my name because I am embarrassed and feeling humiliated as if I am an animal.
Merried now 14 yrs and living together 16yrs. 3 children (2girls 11 and 12) and a baby(7months).
I am not from here neither is he but many many years both of us living and working in Uk ( him more than 30 and me almost 20).
Through out our life there were here and there incidents where he would beat me , can't handle argument and than just lashes at me. First incident was after giving birth to my first one, even neighbour called police that's how he was beating me up but couldn't say anything because my immigration situation . Than he stopped for some time, after my second dd came he started again. Still was just taking in and living like a prisoner. All that time I was working very physical job( only stayed 1 week at home with both my DD's).
He calmed down for few years but today I think he just made up for all that time he was quiet. I am not working ATM and neither he is( made redundant). He ripped all my dnociments( I have residency), banged me on the wall, kicked the s... out of me and name calling can't even state what he said to me. I am fed up, if baby is not here I would long time killed my self, I am shadow of myself, living just to survive.
I don't have money to move and I am scared, I can't recognise the woman in the mirror- who is that pale faced ugly , tired of life person? Is she really living, the one who was full of life, faith in people , life and he made sure I don't talk to anyone.. Thank you for reading ,,,

OP posts:
LIZS · 12/07/2015 18:02

Can you call Women's Aid? You don't need to tolerate this .

Nolim · 12/07/2015 18:03

Call the police. Call womans aid. Go to a shelter. You are a resident now but even if you werent you are still human and deserve respect.

Lweji · 12/07/2015 18:04

You must contact the police asap. Show them your bruises.

Then contact Women's Aid. They will help you find a solution and leave him.

If you have financial problems, you can also contact the National Centre for Domestic Violence (NCDV) for help with an emergency no contact order.

You should be protected regardless of your situation. He should be the one fearing deportation (if that is a possibility) and the consequences of his actions. Not you.

If necessary, take your children and just get out.

Also, if necessary, contact the police over email. Or do like that woman in the US who phoned the emergency number and pretended she was calling to order a pizza.

Wideopenspace · 12/07/2015 18:06

This sounds like an awful situation, OP - are you at the point where you want to leave? If it could be arranged, if you had support, would you go, with your children?

TattieHowkerz · 12/07/2015 18:06

Call police, call women's aid, find a way to leave.

You and your children deserve more. Your future is not with this so-called man.

Original poster
HurtingBadly · 12/07/2015 18:13

I have residence he also! My immigration situation is ok but I was just trying to tell story in short!
Honestly I am scared, he threatened that if ever take kids heh will find me and "destroy me"!
If you see how nice he is to people around, everyone thinks he is this lovely man , husband and father!
I hate my life, I worked non stop for him and me, hard jobs, sometimes 7 days .
I will never forgive him fact that I worked both of my pregnancies two three days before giving birth. I used to see pregnant ladies walking, doing shopings and me , working non-stop.
One day I was nearly hit by the fire truck in the rush, I was 9 months pregnant and soooo tired that I didn't notice or heard sound of it. It was in central London, driver stopped but if he didn't I would be dead.
I am full of bruises, next week my y7 dd has got sports day and I can't go - my face is beaten up!
I hate him I really hate him

OP posts:
Original poster
HurtingBadly · 12/07/2015 18:15

I am sooty for rumbling, I just need to take it out or I will explode! I am nearly 40 and someone is hitting me like this ?! I can't believe it I just cant

OP posts:
Nolim · 12/07/2015 18:16

Go to the police and show them the bruises and press charges. You and your dc are in danger.

Wideopenspace · 12/07/2015 18:17

If you have current bruises, go to the police. He has assaulted you (repeatedly from the sound of things).

Are you able to do that?

Original poster
HurtingBadly · 12/07/2015 18:21

I am in the bedroom and he is sitting and watching tv and playing with the baby as nothing had happen. Girls saw everything and they are scarred in their room.
I have headache from bagging my head on the wall and later on kicking.
It started that I didn't agree with his opinion , he just went mad from there

OP posts:
sensiblesometimes · 12/07/2015 18:22

There is help out there ..real help ..please don't stay with him

Wideopenspace · 12/07/2015 18:23

If you have a phone, call the police. It sounds as though you and your children are in immediate danger. Call 999.

sensiblesometimes · 12/07/2015 18:23

Txt or call women's aid now

sensiblesometimes · 12/07/2015 18:24

Yes call 999 now

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 12/07/2015 18:26

When is he likely to be out? Any local friends?

Original poster
HurtingBadly · 12/07/2015 18:27

I am scared of him, please understand me I am scared ! When he is in state of madness better not to go in front of him.
I am scared

OP posts:
Wideopenspace · 12/07/2015 18:28

OP do you have access to a phone?

Original poster
HurtingBadly · 12/07/2015 18:29

He isolated me fully. I don't remember when was the last time I have spoken with any woman, just chatting, gossiping! That does not exist in my life, the way I live you would never know difference is it uk or North pole

OP posts:
Original poster
HurtingBadly · 12/07/2015 18:30

Yes, I am writing this post from my iphone

OP posts:
Nolim · 12/07/2015 18:30

Call the police now. Or go to a police station tomorrow when he is out.

What would happen to your girls if he decides to do the same to them?

Wideopenspace · 12/07/2015 18:32

So use you iPhone to call the police. Tell them you have been assaulted by your husband and that you and your children are still in the house and in danger.

sensiblesometimes · 12/07/2015 18:32

You are a very brave woman ....you can do something about this

butterflygirl15 · 12/07/2015 18:33

call the police and if your head is bad you need to see a doctor. You could have concussion.

Rosieliveson · 12/07/2015 18:41

Call 999. They will help get you and your children to safety.
Don't take this and please don't let your children grow up thinking this is normal. You owe it to them to escape. If you are in a refuge he won't find you. Do you have family in the uk?
Get out OP. Please call 999 now. You can just whisper to the operator so he won't hear "Police, my husband has beat me. There are children here".
Get help

Jux · 12/07/2015 18:44

Call the police. Call an ambulance. Even call a fire engine - anything to get someone in authority there so you can get out and be seen by a doctor and the police. You need to see both, and your children need to be protected.

Call Women's Aid.
Call Social Services.

If you see a neighbour from your window, open it and call to them for help.

Can you tell him that you're taking the girls for a walk, and get out? Go straight to the police, or go to a neighbour and call the police from there.

Don't worry about your documents. Your status will be on record, and new docs produced.

You are very brave. You can get free of him. Grit your teeth and put one foot in front of the other.