I'm just at a bit of a loss how to try and keep this friendship going, how to handle it on a day by day basis, and wondered if anyone had any good advice.
My oldest friend is sadly looking likely to not be able to have biological children. They are in the middle of several rounds of IVF. They are unsure if they want to foster or adopt.
I have one DC. We are aiming to try for another very soon, as there is already quite a large age gap and I'm in my mid-thirties.
This is already causing serious issues, which is no surprise at all. She has recently been hugely and bravely honest about how she feels, and how she feels around people with DC. I admire her immensely for sharing this with me, and I have told her that I wouldn't care if she didn't contact me for years because it was too hard - I'll still be her friend, and I'll still be here when she needs me.
It's been complicated by us both moving in recent years so we're a long way apart and can't see each other often at all. It's been six months now. Due to the my job, my DH's job and her job it's almost impossible to get everyone's diary agreeing so I have childcare and can go to hers (far enough away that one of us would need to stay overnight). She used to come and stay at mine, but that is understandably off the cards as my young DC is here and she finds the idea of that too difficult at the moment.
Our calls have dropped off, our texts and emails too. She has told me she feels too awkward - if I don't mention anything about DD she knows I am deliberately avoiding that topic, and that makes her feel terrible as if I am fudging and lying about my life, but equally she finds it too upsetting at the moment to hear about other people's children.
I want to support her, desperately, but I know simply by having a child and by fortunately not having had any fertility issues that there is little I can do. I try texting about random, normal things in life but then feel as though I am ignoring this enormous issue in her life and that must be hurtful - but then if I ask, I feel like I'm bringing it up all the time when she might want to forget it.
I know this sounds a bit "me, me, me" when this situation clearly is not, but I'm just at a loss how to carry on. Things are strained. She texted the other day with a very clear "tell me how things are with you, not with me" and so I did, and her reply was very short, so she is clearly uncomfortable.
My biggest fear is that our planned time TTC may very well coincide with her last round of IVF, and how can I tell her that I am expecting if I do fall pregnant?
I just wondered if anyone had any wise words? I want to be there for her and help her but I don't know what to do. I feel as though everything I do will be the wrong choice, as I know I can't even begin to understand how she is feeling and what she is going through.
Sorry this is rather waffly 