Has anyone called off a wedding and ended the relationship?

[Marilynz]

Supposed to be getting married in May. It's all booked - guests have started booking and paying for accommodation, plans are being put in place ...

But I'm starting to realise that the fucker hates me and intends to make my life a misery with constant complaints, emotional and verbal abuse, disrespect and general apathy towards my feelings. Funnily enough - all the stuff listed in his previous divorce papers.

I'm gutted because I thought he was someone different to who he really is but I'm falling out of love with him fast and any marriage would inevitably end it divorce.

If I call off the wedding, I will also be calling off the whole relationship at the same time. I know we shouldn't live to please others but my biggest concern is the devastation our families will feel. His family thinks the sun shines out of his arse and are all excited at the thought of him getting another chance at marriage after he was "so badly let down by the last one", my family will also side with him - because they're like that.

I feel like just disappearing.

A friend of the family privately expressed grave doubts about going through with the wedding. But they went through with it because there was only 3 weeks to go and didn't want to let everyone down.

What followed were 15 months of depression and arguments as he tried to come to terms with intimately sharing his life with a wife he wasn't in love with. It ended in a massively messy and stressful divorce and caused far more devastation than if he'd cancelled the wedding to begin with.

Marrying the right person is singularly one of the very best things you can ever do to ensure happiness and contentment in your life. Marrying the wrong person just ensures a whole world of unhappiness and heart ache. It is that simple.

Deep down, sometimes very deep down indeed I believe people KNOW if they're marrying the right/wrong person or not.

I've been with DH nearly 24 years and married for 13. On the day I married him I knew I was doing absolutely the right thing with absolutely the right man. Just an utter certainty which has never once wavered.

If you don't feel the same then don't marry him. This is not a dress rehearsal and you won't get back the years you will waste being married to him. And they will be wasted years I can promise you.

My sister married when her H to be wanted to postpone it for a while. She said to stick to the arranged date or cancel for ever so they went ahead. They split acrimoniously as hell on their 2nd anniversary and it meant that she couldn't marry in church when she did meet the love of her life. The whole thing has caused untold misery. It was desperately messy.

Don't marry him if you are less than 100% sure you are right to OP.

My family are like this. I'm currently in America on a work placement relevant to my degree which my mum said I wouldn't be clever enough to do.

I left my h almost 2 years ago now. He was and is emotionally abusive. He has done some mad things.

I recently moved out of 'his' house where he had been keeping me prisoner in my bedroom for 18 months until I tried to commit suicide which, despite giving me support to move out, my mother said I did for attention

They said when I explained we were splitting that 'we always thought you weren't right for each other, he's so NICE!'

I am very sick of hearing 'you are taking his kids and his house' from DF even though I have walked away with nothing just to get away from him. 'He's such a nice guy and a great dad' from everyone when he has spent the last two years punishing me for ending it by trying to alienate me from the DC - taking them without discussing it, taking them Friday to Sunday, making decisions about things without speaking to me even though two DC are not even his, coming round every day for breakfast and from when he finishes work until they go to bed.

'He's just trying to make the house nice and move on' 'he's just sad about the break up' about him refusing to let me get my things from the old house including keeping a whole bin bag of mine and my boyfriend's washing that he packed from out of the washing basket. Changing the locks while I am away and throwing out my furniture, lying to my mum to keep her from seeing the DC while I'm gone.

Loads more but it is a MILLION times better to have my own place, even if I have basically lost everything except most of my clothes and am being subjected to spite from him and comments from my family.

I have learned not to take them to heart after my parents encouraged my xp who had raped me (and I was actually carrying the resulting baby at the time) and who sexually, financially, physically and psychologically abused me for four years, to take ME to court for access to the DC.

Nothing is worse than living with an abusive arse. Nothing. Do not marry him just to avoid other people's opinions.

A friend's daughter did it as she went to post the invitations. Literally turned on her heel and went home and told her parents....it's off. Then told her partner. Cancelled hotel, church etc.

Do not be concerned about what others think.

I had doubts about my wedding but went ahead. He went cold on me on honeymoon. I had 22 years of misery until I left him.

Two years later I met my now DH and we've been together for 18 happy years.

Please cancel. Guests will only have paid deposits. No big deal to them. If anyone is annoyed with you don't get caught up defending yourself. Just say it would not have worked and there will be no wedding. Don't try to give explanations.

I wish I had cancelled my first wedding. I can remember sitting in my car with my one year old asleep in the back seat and thinking if it wasn't for baby I'd be driving over this cliff edge. I stayed for another 20 years of utter misery.....because I thought divorce would be such a scandal. (In 1975). Eventually left in 1995.

Just cancel.