Has anyone called off a wedding and ended the relationship?

[Marilynz]

Supposed to be getting married in May. It's all booked - guests have started booking and paying for accommodation, plans are being put in place ...

But I'm starting to realise that the fucker hates me and intends to make my life a misery with constant complaints, emotional and verbal abuse, disrespect and general apathy towards my feelings. Funnily enough - all the stuff listed in his previous divorce papers.

I'm gutted because I thought he was someone different to who he really is but I'm falling out of love with him fast and any marriage would inevitably end it divorce.

If I call off the wedding, I will also be calling off the whole relationship at the same time. I know we shouldn't live to please others but my biggest concern is the devastation our families will feel. His family thinks the sun shines out of his arse and are all excited at the thought of him getting another chance at marriage after he was "so badly let down by the last one", my family will also side with him - because they're like that.

I feel like just disappearing.

Don't marry him because you're too proud to end it. It sounds like your family don't have your back so why do you care what they say/think.

Listen, you only get one shot at this life, why walk into misery?

Other people who you say you will 'let down' will only be unhappy for a short while then forget about it.

If you marry him you'll be unhappy for a long time (months/years?) before divorcing anyway.

If your family are that way inclined to side with him, they'll do it anyway whether you end it now or further down the line. They'll probably slag you off more because you married him THEN left him.

Don't do it. Other people don't matter. They're not the ones suffering this misery.

After your other threads I am glad you are thinking about cancelling. It will get harder to do the nearer it gets to May.

I really hope you cut your losses and walk away. Forget what you have paid into his house. Staying will make you miserable.

Write down the positive reasons for marrying this man.

Back of a postage stamp should give you ample room.

Cancel. What's the alternative? Spending a lifetime with him or divorcing in a few years' time. Do either of those sound good to you?

Yep. I broke up with my then fiance in the July (our wedding was booked for June the following year) unlike your situation he wasn't a bad person I just was unhappy and knew that marrying him would be a big mistake.

I already had my dress, venue deposit paid and save the dates had just gone out. It was a bit embarrassing at first telling everyone but I felt instant relief as well so I knew I'd made the right choice.

I actually met my OH a month or so after (although nothing happened between us for a while) and now we have a house and a DS together (with another on the way!) I've never questioned our relationship and a future with my DP doesn't terrify me to the core!Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I hadn't followed my heart and got married instead- I know I did the right thing.

In your situation I wouldn't hesitate.

Follow your instincts. It is your life.

please don't marry someone horrible to try to please people who don't even like you anyway!

I mean, you shouldn't marry someone that treats you badly full stop! But you think you ought to go through with it for them?

you'll be the one trapped with him.

If you marry him, what then? A miserable life? Divorce in 10 or 20 years when you can't stand another second of your life?

Why put yourself through that when you could walk away now?

It's YOUR life. Don't live it to make other people happy.

Not that you could make those people happy no matter what you did, up to and including sacrificing your life and any chance of happiness to marry a man they like but who treats you badly, going on what you say.

If they like him so much, let one of them marry him.

You only get one life.

Don't waste it.

I called off a wedding and I've never regretted it.

Don't marry him - if you need support, get your most trusted and practical friend to call your vendors and cancel. Send out a simple cancellation.

I never regretted it, it caused a lot of heartache but it was absolutely the right thing to do.

you need to understand the
"Sunk cost fallacy"
it originated as a business term but is increasingly used to describe relationships

The Misconception: You make rational decisions based on the future value of objects, investments and experiences.

The Truth: Your decisions are tainted by the emotional investments you accumulate, and the more you invest in something the harder it becomes to abandon it.

SunkCostFallacy

check out the link for a better explanation as to why your rational mind has not already allowed you to kick him out of the door

Cancel it. Things will only get worse, and a divorce will be a costly thing, both financially and emotionally. If your family are going to side with him then they will do it whether you separate now or in five years time. Save yourself the five years of heartache and get rid now.

Just do it.

The later you leave it the harder it will be.
And if you end up married and then call it quits you will have wasted all that money and both your families will be even more upset.

Just do it, start today, putting in the groundwork, telling your friends.
I guess you need to tell him as well! Haven't seen your previous threads so don't know how you should do that.

I've read (and commented) on one of your many other threads.

Call it off, there's really no more to be said. You're about to shackle yourself to a living nightmare of a man.

Kintsugi is right, the sunk cost fallacy is useful for decision-making in lots of areas!

Why not book a session with Relate on your own?

They're totally unbiased and will help you to get your feeling straight in your mind before you make any final decisions.

I've ignored my gut instincts on a couple of occasions and its backfired on me, so not a great life decision!

Not me but my friend cancelled a month before. It involved a bit of logistics but now she's happy and settled with someone new. Please do it.

Do a search of all the threads you have started in past couple of months about your relationship and partner.
Print your opening goal posts out.
READ THEM.

Then think what advice you would give a friend with the same problems.

If I call off the wedding, I will also be calling off the whole relationship at the same time. I know we shouldn't live to please others but my biggest concern is the devastation our families will feel.

That is exactly what my sister thought, when she deliberated whether to cancel or not. She did not cancel. I can assure you the marriage caused more concern and devastation to the family than any cancellation would have done. Two trips to a refuge with a young child, and eventually my mum had to go and fetch her out and hold her hand through a very messy divorce, that her dd (now 20) has spent 17 years caught up in the middle of.

Please do your family and yourself a favour, cancel now and get out if it.

OP, I know four (4) FOUR people who've called off their weddings. Not one of them regrets it, and all four are now married to other people with whom they are much happier than they'd ever have been with the first fiance. If I included friends of friends, that'd probably go up to about eight. It happens much more often than you'd think; something about planning the wedding can crystallize floating doubts. CALL IT OFF.

(And while you're calling off your relationship, try to call off the sense of obligation you have to your family, and keeping them happy. Easier said than done, I know, but this is your life, to live as you want, not them.)

Also, you may be entitled to some of the money you've paid to your DP, if your rent was a contribution made in the understanding that you were planning to marry and were contributing to the maintenance/mortgage on the house. It can be tricky to prove, and he might be an arse about it, but it's worth a chat with a solicitor to see where you stand. Personally, though, I'd do as a PP suggested, and regard it as 'rent money' and just move on. As soon as you can.

Please call it off. I didn't because I was ashamed/embarrassed and scared of letting everyone down. It lasted 18 months and I'm now in the middle of a divorce. I constantly kick myself for not walking away and I really regret wasting the most special day of my life with the wrong person.

Yes ! Friends daughter this week. Will all blow over and everyone thinks it must be for the best. Do it

The sooner you're out of this the sooner you can be happier and do whatever you want, including meeting someone much nicer if that's what you'd like to do!

Cancel before you or whoever is paying for the wedding loses money.

His parents are irrelevant: you won't have to see them again. As for yours there is lots of good toxic family advice to on here - peruse the stately home threads! You might also want to think about whether your treatment by your family has contributed to your getting this far into a relationship with this loser.

May is a long, long time away. If you call it off now, there will be relatively few consequences and you can get on with your life away from a man who is a complete nightmare.

DH called of his wedding a month beforehand (because his fiancée made a move on his best friend!).

His Mum was unbelievably angry at him for causing embarrassment and not just being able to overlook it.

He met me a year or so later and we are 10 years down the line. His ex is also married with a child - she seems happy.

A good friend of mine called his wedding off about a month before the day.

There was nothing horribly wrong with the relationship, but he just realised he didn't want to marry her. She was devastated and the relationship ended.

He has since met and married someone and they have two DC. His former fiancée also met someone else and is now married.

the point is, follow your gut feeling. You KNOW this marriage isn't right, because the whole relationship isn't right.