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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband had blocked me off Facebook, how would you react??

84 replies

Louisa111 · 30/06/2015 07:51

Quite blatantly told me to my face too? I've had a few concerns dating back to last year, every time I would tag him in a status he wouldn't accept it on his wall, wouldn't have any pics up of me and him recently and every time I asked he would deny it or kick off.
Then yesterday I actually got a notification to say he had removed something I tagged him in, I just asked why?? He flew off the handle, denied doing it and said that's it I'm blocking you, which I'm sure he's loved to do for a while.
Understandably I'm upset, I can't speak to him. Not just because he did that but the way he spoke to me, add that to the fact in the last he's lied to me about a few things so understanbly I'm a bit in secure about if I can trust him!!
Why would you do that?? Had he something to hide?? I know Facebook causes all sorts of problems but when we first joined we had same passwords and nothing was secret....now, not so
Would you be upset too??

OP posts:

Meerka · 30/06/2015 11:38

silly I know but he can be the loveliest person, ....then got told... ' I hate coming home to your miserable face every day

No, the loveliest people do not say that. They never say that kind of stuff.

You have a shit here who can put a nice face on. Myabe he really likes you but not enough to consider you only one facet of his life, while other women are also facets of his life.

He certainly doesn't like being challenged in any way does he? Do get back in yoru box, don't rock the boat.

brittanyfairies · 30/06/2015 11:44

My H blocked me on FB and changed his relationship status to being with someone else. I wasn't a great user of FB at the time so I think he thought he'd get away with it. At the time the OW had been messaging him on there, but I'm convinced he'd told her that we were separated and he just hadn't bothered to remove me from there as his wife. I can't imagine why another woman would so blatantly put messages on FB when it clearly states so and so is married to someone else at the top of the page. He had to block me quickly when she started doing that.

The next weekend he came home from work and clearly thought he'd got away with it, and actually he carried on as normal - I had to go out I couldn't stand the sight of his face. He left that Sunday as usual and a couple of days later he was served with a divorce petition. A screenshot of his FB page was used as evidence.

He had a whole other life though, and it was only after searching that I found it, he had a very detailed dating online dating site, stating married but living apart (so not lying at all). When he was asked about it, he said he'd only set it up as a bit of fun. That was used in evidence too. I've never been sure how long it had all going on.

I'm not saying your H is having an affair or even thinking of it, but going from my own experience I'd be doing a bit of online digging. My XH thought I was so stupid he didn't even cover his tracks and even used his own name and address on the online dating sites. He's still really stupid now.

HowDoesThatWork · 30/06/2015 11:49

The problem is not what the other woman does, it is what your husband does.

He had an affair last year and now is (still) up to no good and wants you out of a chunk of his life.

What advice would you like?

MamanOfThree · 30/06/2015 11:54

FB isn't the problem.
The problem is the way he is treating you, the anger, the shouting, the 'I hate coming home'
Seriously, if he hates it that much, then I would suggest he leaves.
If it's just words/out of anger, then he needs to learn to control himself like any other human beings do.
If he is using it to control you and instil fear into you, then you should make him leave.

If it was my DH I would be very upset at his behaviour.

Btw you making some of your profile visible is a really good move!

Original poster

Louisa111 · 30/06/2015 16:22

Upset isn't the word! I feel like he ding know him anymore which us sad as we have been together a long time and really thought nothing would break us

OP posts:

BabyGanoush · 30/06/2015 16:33

You have answered your OP question at the top of tho page, haven't you?

He does not want someone (this woman) to know that you are still together.

Jan45 · 30/06/2015 17:27

You do know also that he can post things on his page but hide from you, I wouldn't trust any of it.

ShebaShimmyShake · 30/06/2015 17:35

If I read one more story on here where someone describes abusive or unreasonable behaviour and then comes back with 'oh but he's such a lovely person some of the time', I swear to God I'm going to start screaming.

Nobody is just one thing all the time. Even liars, cheats, abusers and so on are nice SOME of the time, generally when things are going their way or when they're trying to manipulate a situation. Everyone is multi-faceted. It takes energy to scream and shout and swear and throw things and sometimes they just don't have it in them right now.

So in your particular case, nothing physical it seems, but your own husband has blocked you from communicating on frigging Facebook and turns abusive and screaming when you talk to him about it. For God's sake, it doesn't matter that sometimes he's able to hold a decent conversation with you like normal people are supposed to do. He is clearly hiding something, he's not even clever enough just to create a second FB page or just delete his page completely.

Whatever you decide to do, don't let the fact he isn't a raging arsewipe for every second of every day influence your decision. FenellaFellorick is quite right.

frankbough · 30/06/2015 17:53

I agree with some posters, I don't like my wife tagging me either, I don't want my name adding to pictures of wine glasses, kiddy fotos, memes and all the other useless drivel...

firesidechat · 30/06/2015 17:57

Well presumably you just tell her that frankbough, very nicely and without a load of drama. Like an adult. You don't get angry and block her I hope?

YonicScrewdriver · 30/06/2015 18:06

I don't accept tags, but I don't block people and tell them I hate coming home to them.

If it was as simple as "my mates will rip the piss if you tag me in a kitten video" surely he would say so?

Maleperspective99 · 30/06/2015 20:17

Facebook is not the real world, most of my friends don't use it and I reluctantly use it, if your over 16 I wouldn't worry about it too much.

Jengnr · 30/06/2015 20:28

He doesn't want his mistress to know he spends family time with his wife.

firesidechat · 30/06/2015 20:33

Maleperspective99 this thread is not about fb. Fb is the means by which op knows there is a issue. If fb didn't exist the op would still have a problem.

Joy69 · 30/06/2015 20:34

Hate to say, but it sounds as if he could be cheating. My ex husband blocked aspects of his FB page. I couldn't see who his friends were, unless they were mutual. His mistress was requesting me as a friend to
snoop. I didn't accept her as I don't
personally know her, just her sister.
I wouldn't say FB caused the affair, but probably made contact easier.....although he also had a secret phone!
As someone else said go with your instincts. Good luck xx

Maleperspective99 · 30/06/2015 21:01

Firesidechat, you are probably right about his action being suspicious but my point is not everyone likes Facebook or having their life posted on the Internet.

Original poster

Louisa111 · 30/06/2015 21:21

What an earth do I do?? If he is cheating I'd love to catch him out

OP posts:

Louboutin37 · 30/06/2015 21:37

You can drive yourself mad trying to catch him out. My ex was FB messaging an old girlfriend 3 months into our marriage saying it wasn't working after I'd forgiven his affair, married him and was booking a spring break away. If it stinks it's probably shit. How much do you need to put yourself through to find out? If I had my time again I'd say I had no time for a husband who blocked me on social media and let him sweat enough after showing him the door until he confessed

feministwithtitsin · 30/06/2015 21:42

Facebook isnt the real world? Dont worry if you are over 16? Wake up, granddad!

Its major way people communicate with each other! He refuses to acknowledge the op on fb and refuses to acknowledge her concerns over that in real life.

Hes clearly hiding something. What he.is not hiding is the fact hes hiding something.

What a moron. And what an arse for trying to blame his shitty behaviour on you!

AnyFucker · 30/06/2015 21:44

when you say "catch him" would he need to be balls deep in another woman ?

because you have proof enough that he is a dodgy fucker and you don't trsut him

you shouldn't need any more

ScrambledEggAndToast · 30/06/2015 22:10

Be very concerned OP. My ex husband kept denying that he was getting my friend requests It was because he didn't want me seeing all the conversations that he was having with the OW.

mentaldental22 · 30/06/2015 22:22

I was in the exact same situation, husband blocked me on FB, could be great at times, could be a right horrible shithead. Didn't want to come home to me and had an EA over a long period of time. We were also together for a long time, since our mid teens and I also thought nothing could break us.

Please please learn from my experience and save yourself a hell of a lot of heartache: this is not how a man in a loving caring relationship acts. He is checking out of your marriage and life together and it is simply not worth clinging on to him.

Start asking yourself how you would go about life without him. Do your sums, start preparing for a life alone.

And in all honesty, even if you did catch him in the act of cheating, would you want to stay with him? I don't think any relationship can survive when the trust has gone.

I know this is tough, I've been there but you have to ask yourself if this is the way you want to spend the rest of your life with him.

Good luck

tanukiton · 30/06/2015 22:36

It is time to put your exit strategy together. You don't have to use it but you need to have all the bank statements and paper work in place BEFORE you start confronting him.
Now go over to the divorce boards and start getting everything lined up esp if you have children.

'i would love to catch him' STOP playing games. You have already 'caught' him being dishonest and lying.

Good luck if you decide to stay then please get some therapy for you both.

DragonsCanHop · 30/06/2015 22:38

What more do you need? He doesn't want you seeing what he is doing.

Original poster

Louisa111 · 01/07/2015 07:05

I just keep thinking what if I've got it wrong?? What if he isn't cheating ?? I ask him to leave abd he wasn't doing anything at all, just being an arse

OP posts:

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