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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband had blocked me off Facebook, how would you react??

84 replies

Louisa111 · 30/06/2015 07:51

Quite blatantly told me to my face too? I've had a few concerns dating back to last year, every time I would tag him in a status he wouldn't accept it on his wall, wouldn't have any pics up of me and him recently and every time I asked he would deny it or kick off.
Then yesterday I actually got a notification to say he had removed something I tagged him in, I just asked why?? He flew off the handle, denied doing it and said that's it I'm blocking you, which I'm sure he's loved to do for a while.
Understandably I'm upset, I can't speak to him. Not just because he did that but the way he spoke to me, add that to the fact in the last he's lied to me about a few things so understanbly I'm a bit in secure about if I can trust him!!
Why would you do that?? Had he something to hide?? I know Facebook causes all sorts of problems but when we first joined we had same passwords and nothing was secret....now, not so
Would you be upset too??

OP posts:

firesidechat · 30/06/2015 09:33

What makes you say that Threefishys?

I loath FB with a passion, but can't see what the op has done wrong here.

Original poster

Louisa111 · 30/06/2015 09:33

Ohh bath time really??? That must be awful!! Does he know you know?? The hiding of my husbands phone last year was what first made me suspicious, he doesn't do it now but he's changed his pass code!

OP posts:

firesidechat · 30/06/2015 09:35

Thanks for saying that Bathtime.

I was sitting here thinking "But FB is not the problem here". FB is just the medium for seeing issues in the relationship. Agreeing to cancel FB accounts is not going to solve anything.

BathtimeFunkster · 30/06/2015 09:37

No, sorry, Louisa, I was just being silly.

The point I was making was that it's ridiculous to blame Facebook for the fact that your husband lies to you and is shady about his dealings with other women.

Why would anybody who's happily married block their spouse on Facebook and refuse tags?

It's the equivalent of taking off his wedding ring whenever he goes out without you and ignoring you in public.

HelenF350 · 30/06/2015 10:04

He's had an emotional affair with someone on his Facebook and he's trying to make you feel bad for being paranoid when he has blocked you and refused his tags. Massive, massive red flags! What a complete and utter tool. He has already shown that he is not trustworthy, how does he expect you to feel . I think you need to sit down and explain to him what you are feeling and why, if he gets defensive I'd be very worried. He should be reassuring you, not trying t make you feel guilty.

TheStoic · 30/06/2015 10:04

Unless her or someone else is being lead to believe that we are not really together?? So me posting happy status or check-ins where we've been doesn't fit in with what he's saying??

That's exactly what's happening. He's telling someone 'we're separated. We are only under one roof for the kids. We are just housemates' etc etc.

Your posts do not match what he is telling her.

Threefishys · 30/06/2015 10:06

As I said FB is the virtual equivalent of following each other around all day, that would cause problems in RL so if there are underlying trust problems in a relationship they are going to be heightened by the microscope that is Facebook. That's what I meant.

AnyFucker · 30/06/2015 10:14

he is playing away, or planning to

Phoenix0x0 · 30/06/2015 10:20

I would not be happy with this.

Trust your gut.

It. Is. Rarely. Wrong.

FujimotosElixir · 30/06/2015 10:22

bloody hell you poor thing, i feel like you need get really angry ,you seem so worn down.

Rikalaily · 30/06/2015 10:27

He is cheating and I bet he's told her you are seperated. I would set my own profile to open and make sure I posted loads of pics and statuses as a couple so the other lady can look to her hearts content. He can't hide you on your own fb.

silverlion · 30/06/2015 10:28

Personally I don't have any contact with my DH on FB either, we are not FB friends and there is no trace of him on my FB page (I don't respond to the question about whether I'm in a relationship). That's just the way I prefer to manage my social media - for me it's a link to keep in touch with certain groups of friends, but no need for my DH to be on there because I see him every day, and I'm not interested in broadcasting my relationship to random friends. It doesn't bother DH as he logs into FB about once a year. I never allow any tags on my FB, and I don't allow others to write on my wall.

QuintShhhhhh · 30/06/2015 10:28

I'm not gonna tell him to move out in case that what he want

Well, if that is what he wants, why do you want him? Why not let him go? See what he has to lose ?

In your shoes I would openly tell him something alone the lines of:

"James, it would seem you want to appear single, from the way you behave on facebook, blocking me, untagging, etc. I can only assume you are keen on another woman and you dont want her to know you are married. This is unreasonable behaviour and not acceptable to me. You need to end one relationship before you start another, so I am considering divorce proceedings, and you need to leave to give me some space".

PeppermintPasty · 30/06/2015 10:29

You are in a relationship with this man, you have a child together. You are in no way overreacting! He is totally out of order and either very stupid, or entitled. Or both.

I would be fuming in your shoes. Don't let him, or anyone here for that matter, minimise it. A total lack of respect. I am sorry.

BBQsAreSooooOverrated · 30/06/2015 10:33

It looks beyond dodgy to me I'm afraid. It seems like he's telling people a different story to what your tags are saying.

butterflygirl15 · 30/06/2015 10:36

why are you so scared of him leaving? An unfaithful arse who wants to deny your existence and you are clinging on with all your might. Where is your self respect?

FujimotosElixir · 30/06/2015 10:40

very very dodgy, do you have any mutual fb friends op.

Joysmum · 30/06/2015 10:40

You do know that being in an unhappy marriage is enough to end it, you don't need proof of an affair.

Life is far to sure to wait for proof as I'm sure many posters on here will attest to having wasted years for proof of an affair that started years before when they first suspected.

If you aren't happy and he won't accept any responsibility for that so won't change then there's no hope of improvement.

Is your marriage acceptable as it is?

Mimigolightly · 30/06/2015 10:55

His behaviour is highly suspicious and - if it was me - I would be of the opinion that he is either already having some sort of affair or is trying to start one.

Life is too short to be with someone who treats you this way.

Jan45 · 30/06/2015 10:56

Don't blame FB! Blame him, he clearly has zero respect for you and the marriage, is playing away or planning to, what a complete arsehole.

Talk about making it obvious, nice to know he's got your back, not!

magoria · 30/06/2015 11:23

Affair or not he is treating you with disrespect and contempt.

You deserve better.

I would tell him to go. If he goes to some OW at least you are free of his crappy behaviour and can have a happy life.

ouryve · 30/06/2015 11:28

I'd be extremely upset. You should ask him outright if he's trying to pretend not to be married for some reason.

GinUpGirl · 30/06/2015 11:30

I would assume you're cringy on Facebook and he is embarrassed by you.

firesidechat · 30/06/2015 11:36

Blimey there are some ridiculous posts on mn recently.

Really GinUp? That still makes it a ltb situation. If my husband found me cringy and embarrassing then I would make his day and leave him to it. Permanently.

Original poster

Louisa111 · 30/06/2015 11:36

We do have mutual friends, he doesn't post on fb as such just puts up funny vidoes but to not want anything family related just is silly. She knows about him, knows about me but yes my suspicion now is she/ or someone is being told we are not together just living together for the sake of our daughter. So me putting happy things up is not part of his plan.
I have just recently set alot if my Facebook to public for this reason so if she wants to snoop she can get her answers too ,
Thankyou for all your replies, I just needed to know I wasn't

OP posts:

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