Can't believe the way we've just been spoken to

[absolutelydamnfurious]

NC to hide my shame.

Today we went out to watch an event a friend was taking part in today. DS (2) fell asleep in the car on the way there and had to be woken when we arrived. We know that if we wake him early from his nap he will get grumpy but we had no choice.

Anyway....there was me, my husband, our DS, our friends husband and another mutual friend stood waiting for her to finish.

DS was bored as we'd been stood around for almost an hour and he was tired and naturally started to behave silly like any 2yo I've ever met does. H picked him up and DS flapped his hands around and hit H's face. I explained to DS this was not good behaviour and asked him to apologise to daddy, H shouted at him. DS then did the same again. H looked DS straight in the face and yelled at him 'you fucking little shit'. Naturally I was and told him he'd better NEVER speak to DS like that EVER again. I took DS from him and he replied 'I'll do whatever the fuck I like'.

I was so mortified I left him there and went back to the car with DS. As I went to pull away I saw him running up to the car so I just drove off. I've got home and realised I've got his wallet and mobile phone in my my handbag so he's got no way of getting home or contacting anyone.

I'm so worried about the mood he's going to be in when he gets home (if he comes home!)

Time.
He's 'called time' on your relationship.
Sort yourself and get rid.

Don't let him back.

He's not been physically violent for a while now so I'm hoping not

This really worries me. He's not the kind of person I would want in my home or near my children.

I don't know him personally but I did wonder whether he has himself seen violent behaviour. He is a deeply troubled individual but you are not the one here to rescue and or save him. You cannot help him, you can only help your own self and your children.

The massive red flag here is that he saw violence from his dad towards his mother when he was growing up. Its had a terrible effect on him; the effects of which are now coming out in relation to your children as well. I can also imagine he has behaved similarly around you in the past.

(Are his parents still together?).

You really do need to consider whether you want to continue in this marriage or not. You have a choice re him, your children do not.

'He's not been physically violent for a while now'

I would not want this man looking after my son. What is he going to do when your son is a hormonal stroppy 15 year old?

He sounds bad tempered and horrible. I would not like a man like this around my kids if he shouts and [vilely] swears at his child and wife and is generally aggressive to a 2 year old and the mother of his child.

Disgusting. If he's such a big man he can get himself home.

Your husband will be absolutely fine

You, your ds and unborn baby, probably not if this continues. Sorry to be so blunt.

The violence in the past. Was it towards you, a previous partner, his mum?

Violence isn't always physical. Shouting in a child's face can be frightening enough for them. I would think that he has certainly been aggressive with your child before to have done that in public.

I'm sorry, but you need to find a way of not leaving them alone again. Bed times in particular can be a bad time for a child with a father like that. They can get very aggressive verbally trying to get the kid to bed.

You did totally the right thing getting away from him. Never ever put up with any verbal or physical abuse from this man towards you or your children. If he has done it to you, he will have crossed the line and will be doing it to your children. Even just watching him being horrid is damaging for your children, let alone being the brunt of it.

(Hope you are ok too MegMog. I'm guessing you might be finding everyone else's reaction a bit of a shock).

Just to update...he's come back, screamed the place down, took our son (which I protested to but it did no good) and gone to pay the bill for the cab he got home.
He's also claimed to have reported me to the police for reckless driving and said that I tried to run him over!!!
He's told me that I'm mental and not stable enough to be in charge of a child on my own. He said I've ruined his life, he called me every name he could think of, and said he's gunna smash my car up (while trying to writhe the bonnet off its hinges). He also admitted word for word what he'd said to DS and said he didn't think it was wrong, and that I'm acting like a child for thinking my son deserves better.
Little does he know that I had my phone recording in my pocket, so when the police arrive to question me about the reckless driving, like he says they will, I can let them listen to the torrent of abuse I've been subjected to, as well as the threats of him damaging my property.

TRexing I understand the pregnancy thing is not ideal, but I was told due to complications that arose from having DS that I wouldn't be able to have any more children so falling pregnant was a massive surprise.

Ring police or women's aid. He is abusive and your child is not safe.

Don't wait for the police to respond to his (unlikely) report. Call them now. Report him. He has your son, he's aggressive.

LIZS - I was about to post the same thing.
He has gone off with a child in an aggressive angry state. The child is at serious risk of harm.
OP you should have been on the phone to the police the minute he left.

He said he has already told the police that I'm so unhinged I'm likely to call them and report him for kidnapping our son. (I am not unhinged, or that vindictive!)
Having just read what I wrote about recording our conversation (which does make me sound mental!) I just wanted to clarify that I did that because he can be soooo convincing to other people that he's nice that I find it hard to get others to believe what he's really like.

I would call Womens Aid; they can and will help you here.

Your son once again heard verbal violence from his dad towards you within his home; poor kid.

You also need to phone the police's domestic violence unit re your H and his recent actions towards you. I think his threats re "reporting you for reckless driving" are empty ones (he came home by taxi) and designed purely to put you in your place.

OP, I am worried about you. Have you got someone that can be there when he comes home? Is he likely to be violent towards you and/or the children?

I would text the friends he is with and ask them how the land lies so at least you know when to expect him home. You don't have to let him in and if you fear for your safety call the police or pack a bag and go elsewhere.

Sending you a big hug, you don't need this at any time but especially when you're pregnant.

Sorry, the thread moved very fast as I was typing.

Abusers can be very plausible to those in the outside world. However, its an act they cannot keep up for very long.

Please call the police.

If you don't feel safe for yourself or your son, you could go to the police yourself, with your recording of threatening behaviour.

I am concerned a 2 year old boy is witnessing all this chaos and abuse and is being shouted and sworn at by a bully of a 'father'. Poor kid, he deserves better not to be subjected to such an awful father and disruptive home life.

He needs protecting....as soon as possible.

Do you have any family or friends who can give you support?

Please call the police. This man is dangerous and he has taken your ds. Let the police listen to the recording on your phone if necessary.